Doesnt it make you mad to her women incubators..say if i couldnt provide a good life i would give my child up?

Question

I mean with all the help there is out there.....Thats no excuse....if you can have s*x then take care of your child. If you cant provide a good life for the kids then stopp hoing around..I mean the stae helps out...so there is no excuse Doesnt it make you mad too?.

Answer 1

I have a problem with people who say a pregnant woman should parent her child almost as a punishment for having s*x.  That whole "take the consequences for your actions" thing is heinous.  A baby isn't a consequence, he or she is a person who needs his/her mom.  

I'm not sure about your question. If you're asking does it make me mad that women get pregnant & then don't parent? Doesn't make me mad at them, but sad for them & their kids.  There is help out there, but I don't think it's enough.  If I had gotten pregnant before I was married it would have been very, very hard for me and tremendously frightening.  I can't find it in me to judge others, especially when I don't know what their situation is.

Answer 2

I don't think this is such a black and white situation.  Birth control fails, rape happens, people make some bad choices.  

If someone is not willing or able to be a parent I would rather that person find people who ARE willing and able to be parents for their child, rather than feel like being a parent is a punishment and their child is a consequence.  Everyone knows the child abuse rate in this country is out of control.  If everyone who had an inintended pregnancy was "forced" to parent, don't you think that number would get higher?  

It is obvious you are holding onto quite a bit of anger.  I'm not blaming you for that at all!  I might feel the same if I were in your shoes.  But please try to step back and not paint everyone with the same brush.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Surely a person with such high morals as yourself never has or will have s*x without intending to get pregnant and fulfill your female destiny as a "woman incubator," amirite?  Because birth control fails.  And that makes the woman that happens to less than human in your universe.    

My first mother was not an incubator or a prostitute.  She might well have kept me had society allowed single middle-class white women to do such things at the time.  It didn't.  

I also don't understand at your assertion that having s*x magically renders a person capable of raising a child.  

Qualifications to have s*x:  An adult human body and the capacity to consent.

Qualifications to raise a child:  Mental and financial stability, the desire to raise a child, the capacity to love unconditionally, etc.  

I don't want kids, yet I've been happily "spreading my legs" for about 25 years now.  Should dirty filthy sl*ts like me be punished by having to raise a child?  A child I'd resent?  A child who would grow up unhappy, knowing s/he's unwanted?  What did the child do to deserve that?  

I understand your being angry about having been adopted.  What I don't understand is why you hate yourself and your gender so much.  In your world, it takes one to tango, and she can never be forgiven for her fall from virginity straight to prostitution.  Way to swallow every bit of patriarchal propoganda society dishes up for you.

My world contains many shades of gray.  I call it reality.

Answer 4

oh lord...another child left behind...

seriously, you have some abandonment issues you need to deal with.  you seem very angry towards your fmom...

ETA: i must agree with the posters who defended the epidemic of "leg spreading." don't know what planet you are living on, but women have s*x for many of the same reasons that men do...because it feels good! yet, to condemn women who make pregnancy choices, which might not gel well with the "proper folks" sounds more like a belief by "pat robertson" and the religious right. in other words, it's an insular, tired, ideologically-driven argument.  

i must concur...i have been proudly spreading for years, and have had birth control fail and terminated, contemplated adoption, birthed two children, and currently pregnant with my third. and i guarantee i could run circles around any "perfect" chaste woman who wants to go toe to toe regarding my morality and parenting ability.  

"doesn't it make you mad too", you asked?  no.  it makes me infuriated when people attempt to condemn female sexuality and jockey to the male-dominated dogma that female sexuality should be controlled and dictated by a bunch of antiquated bullsh!t, without understanding the complexity and nuanced nature of s*x.

bottom line: you are pissed because you were placed for adoption.  and i empathize with you.  what i would suggest instead of dissing all fmoms; is to seek some support from adult adoptees who are struggling with the same thing.

Answer 5

Oh my GOD i am sorry  your mom is hoe but i am not.  To really think that people should not have s*x because they aren't ready for children is insane. s*x is a normal phsycial neeed that most humans need to full fill.  Look at men and women in prison they don't turn g*y they full fill  a need and once they are out go back to being hetro.  

I was in a commited relationship and took my pill eveyday faithfully. You know what i got pregant. The man left the country. Now i have decided to parent but i considered giving my baby up. Yes there is help but it is not a lot of it.  TANF is only for 5 years you have to work to get food stamps or be looking for work and the second you make 1.00 over the income amounts which are crazy low you get taken off. there are 2 -3 year waiting list for subsies housing and rent in insane.

Answer 6

Sometimes accidents happen and this is a way to give that child a second chance, as well as the parents, to live a better life.  It's a loving act, not selfish.  They know they can't provide for that child so they give it to a family that may not be able to have kids and wants one badly.  It's better than a child growing up unwanted.

And humans are sexual beings, you can't expect every person that doesn't want a child not to have s*x.  What about married couples that don't want to have children?  s*x is an important part of marriage.

Answer 7

First of all, your initial question doesn't make much sense.  Second, not all children that are adopted were concieved by choice.  Sometimes birth control fails.  Sometimes the child is concieved as a result of rape.  I was also adopted, and I have no regrets (although I was lucky enough to be adopted by my grandparents).  And I also had 3 children that were adopted by another family.  Sometims the "help" from the state does more harm than good.  And sometimes you have to think about the future of the children and whether or not the mother is physically or mentally able to provide for them.  There is more to it than "if you can have s*x then you can take care of your child."  I wish it were that simple, but it's not.  It was the hardest thing in the world to give my children to another family and I think about them everyday.  But I also know that they have a chance for a better future than I was able to provide at that time, and there is a family that possible was unable to have children of their own and now do.  It sounds like you have a lot of anger about being adopted.  I would suggest finding a support group, either local or online, to help you work through your feelings.  Good luck, I will say a prayer for you.

Answer 8

You're right.  There are many people who are just fundamentally unable to take responsibility for their own actions, there must always be somebody else to blame.

It doesn't make me mad as I believe that giving the child up for adoption is the only decent, unselfish thing they have done, but besides that, I think it's pathetic that you can give away a child and then have the nerve to complain about how hard done by you are!

You sound like a sensible lady who has the courage of her own convictions, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise!

God bless xx

Answer 9

Some people make mistakes. That's the simple fact of the matter. Not all people giving up their babies for adoption are hos or drug addicts or derilects. My cousin got pregnant on birth control and decided to give her baby up for adoption. She doesn't do drugs or sleep around. She had been with the same guy for over a year, they just couldn't afford to give a baby the life they wanted. (That's why she was on birth control) In my opinion, adoption is a heck of a lot better than aborting the child.

I think you need counseling for adopted children. You're very angry and making very broad generalizations.

Answer 10

Hmm kinda sounds like you are on drugs now with all that babble

No I do not think that women who get pregnant and give their baby up are incubators !

What a horrendous thing to say

Oh and yeah I am adopted and Oh yeah I was abandoned and I still DO NOT Think like that !

Answer 11

Once you rephrase this question without sounding like a hood rat... I will answer it... at least you weren't aborted...

Answer 12

Wow, you must be the sister of Jesus! I mean you never messed up, made a mistake? It must be awesome to sit on that high perch of yours and judge people. Can all of us have invites to sit on that perch of yours too and judge people. I have always remembered this growing up: Until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes, you do not know how they feel.

Likewise you were never in a situation where you were very young with an unplanned pregnacy, so therefore do not judge these birth mothers who have placed children for adoption. For some it was the hardest thing they possibly had to do.

I would like to point out that you have alot of unresolved anger towards your birth mother. You may want to deal with her directly instead of taking it out on these birth mothers on here.

Answer 13

The most procreative people usually are the least stable.  I used to work in corrections, and saw it all too often.  The jail visiting room is full of women and kids, and the inmates seem to have no problem reproducing.  At the same time, lots of uptight guys with great educations and jobs have a hard time simply finding any woman.

Have you ever seen Idiocracy?  It's coming, if the jail is any predictor.

Answer 14

I really think you have some serious anger issues that you need to work through. Maybe then you can come back here and realize there is more to life than what your own little perfect wold has to offer.

You have every right to be angry with your original Mother, but you don't have the right to condemn every mother that has placed their child for adoption.