Domestic Violence???

Question

so i was watching this thing on tv, and it said that boys who grow in up in homes that have domestic violence are up to 40% more likely to be abusive to their spouse when they get older. in my opinion, i think that the boy seeing his mom get beat up, would make him not want to participate in domestic violence. that's my opinion, but i was wondering what u guys thought about it. feel free to give ur reasoning. thanx.

Answer 1

Not everyone is capable of consciously changing their own course... it is a sign of a more evolved mind.

A lot of people just mimic their parents' behaviors, no matter how bad.

This not only applies to family violence, but a whole range of stuff, like living on Welfare, the poverty mentality, and willingness to tolerate criminal activity.

Answer 2

I  am the founder of a ministry to help domestic abuse victims but our focus is on men.  

I have seen these things on TV also and almost everyone tells us that our boys will learn how to abuse their wife when they see their father abuse their mother.  Most of these public service ads also  tell us that if a man beats his wife, he will abuse his kids too.  All of these are myths.  

I do believe much of it is learned behavior but it is often learned from mama too.  You see, according to unbiased research, research that does not get paid for what it finds women are as violent or more violent then men in domestic settings.

Obama has chosen Joe Biden for his running mate. According to his own words, Biden's greatest accomplishment is the Violence Against Women Act which provides a Billion dollars a year to  help women but  not one dime for abused men yet even when this act was first past in the early 1990's the DoJ acknowledged that 39% of the abuse victims were men.  

The American Psychiatric Association in a recent article cited the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). and said:

Furthermore, Whitaker discovered, of the 24 percent of relationships that had been violent, half had been reciprocal and half had not. Although more men than women (53 percent versus 49 percent) had experienced nonreciprocal violent relationships, more women than men (52 percent versus 47 percent) had taken part in ones involving reciprocal violence.

Regarding perpetration of violence, more women than men (25 percent versus 11 percent) were responsible. In fact, 71 percent of the instigators in nonreciprocal partner violence were women. This finding surprised Whitaker and his colleagues, they admitted in their study report.

As for physical injury due to intimate partner violence, it was more likely to occur when the violence was reciprocal than nonreciprocal. And while injury was more likely when violence was perpetrated by men, in relationships with reciprocal violence it was the men who were injured more often (25 percent of the time) than were women (20 percent of the time). "This is important as violence perpetrated by women is often seen as not serious," Whitaker and his group stressed.

So again in answer to your question, yes  violence is often learned behavior but girls learn it as well as boys.

Answer 3

In a home where there is domestic violence, children are often considered "silent victims". As all children grow they absorb everything around them, including violence.

Think about when you were a child; how did you learn how to handle conflict with your friends, siblings, etc.? You probably learned from the overt (your mom tells you not to yell) and covert (watching your parents, teachers, or peers work through a disagreement) messages around you.

If you grew up in a home where the answer to everything is to hit, yell, push, or verbally insult someone, that would be both overt and covert learning. Your gut instinct may tell you that hurting someone else doesn't make you feel good, but you do recognize that it can give you power, and in our culture power can mean you are safe.

Boys who grow up in abuse respond several ways. Many try to defend their mothers, especially if they are older when the abuse starts. Some will participate in the abuse because they want their father's approval or because participating means their father won't hit them too.

Some boys will hide, try to take care of their siblings, call 911, or become emotionally detached to survive. Children can respond in all kinds of ways to witnessing abuse.

There has been several research projects looking at adult men who batter and how they learned this behavior. Some learned it at home and others did not. It isn't 100% that boys who witness abuse will abuse, but think of it this way-

If the most important adults in your life (your parents and especially for boys, their father) modeled that men are always in control, that women are there only to be dominated by men, and that when your partner does not listen you have a right to physically, emotionally, or sexually assault them to regain control, it could be very difficult to overcome that kind of learning.

Some boys who witness abuse when they are young will begin to try to control partners in high school, and their need to be in control becomes the top priority in their lives.

There are millions of men who witnessed violence as a child and as adults are nurturing, supportive partners and fathers. I have met so many of those men, and I am amazed at their respect and concern for the safety of women.

It does not justify the behavior (no one can do anything that would justify being hit, verbally harassed, or sexually assaulted), but it can give insight into the situation. An abusive person can absolutely change their behavior-when they (not anyone else) decide they want to have healthy, safe relationships. Check out the links I put in as sources for more information.

It's a great question, and we should spend more time talking about what violence does to children.

Answer 4

My boyfriend and I both grew up in houses where our parents did not get along and a lot of domestic violence occured. We have made an agreement that it is not how we want to live our lives or have a relationship. From what I can see it does have an effect like you said of making a boy, or a girl, not do the same things they saw their parents do. My boyfriend is totally against it. However, between the both of us we both get really angry sometimes and will act like our parents with yelling and stupid stuff but never hit eachother. We will remind ourselves that it is foolish and that we sound like our parents... I somewhat agree with you but I do agree it can make some people more likely, depending on their morals and how strong the woman is.