Don't adoptive parents who say they are going to do an open adoption then renigg feel sick for lieing.?

Question

I only know of two open adoptions persoanlly and they are going really well with just a few minor bumps. I know one bio parent and one AP and it seems great. However I see on here daily how many AP renig and cut off all contact with the bio mom. That is horribel how can they live with thselves. I used to think that open adoption was the best of both worlds and it was a wonderful thing. manily because i see how well it can work.

Answer 1

If my aparents promised my bparents an open adoption and then reneged on the deal, I the adoptee would be furious.  I would consider that they had reneged on the deal that they had made with me as well.  It would make me re-think any trust that I had ever had in them.  And I am not sure that I could ever forgive this.

Answer 2

While I don't have stats, I know that some people PLAN on fleeing from the natural parents before they've even adopted.

My BFF IRL had a next door neighbor who adopted two children (one US & one from Guatemala) and told my pal that she NEVER had any plan to stay in contact with the natural family.  Soon after the adoption was final, the husband's transfer came through and they moved--to Chile!

Begining a parent-child relationship based on lies and deception is immoral.  I can't imagine that these APs don't know that!

It proves that a 'homestudy' doesn't catch all the losers.

Answer 3

I have to agree with opedial.

It doesn't mean things didn't start out fine, but when biological parents get too invasive or start calling several times a day every day or have lifestyles that they are into that are not healthy for children then it is the adoptive parents responsibility to act in the best interest of their child(ren) to protect them and keep them safe.

The anger issues come from not understanding this and not realizing that not every adoptive family in the world wants to adopt the biological family as part of the deal or made to feel like glorified baby sitters- they aren't.

Answer 4

They only say open to get the child. No matter what they say or do once you sign your rights away you have lost your child for good and the couple just wished you disappear. In one case I know of the birth mother never calls to even find out about the child the father has visitation and this couple don't want the sister of this baby to be around his sister that is because this couple wanted to pretend the child was their natural child. Sick isn't it.  If open adoption were true wouldn't the child be so much happier .

Answer 5

Yep, Sunny's right about how some PAP's approach the subject.  Sadly, I was reading on an adoption website a PAP telling other PAP's that these days if you want a baby faster you have to agree to an open adoption, but it's no big deal since you can close it right away.  The crazy thing was that she was COMPLAINING about the inconvenience of having to go through that in order to get a baby.  I really hope not too many other PAP's took up her thinking.

I'm adopted.  It would really hurt and anger me if my AP's had agreed to an open adoption and then closed it.  It would be so hard for me to see them as trustworthy and honest people after something that big.

Answer 6

Well sometimes it is not renegging sometimes it may be the influence of birth parents.  It is never one way or another, it is not that all aparents reneg, and not all birth parents are the best influence and at times are disruptive.

Open adoption can work when everyone is working best interest for children, everyone knows the role of the parents, and no one is manipulative etc.

Answer 7

I know two families who lost children to couples who took their babies and renigged on open adoption agreements without batting an eye.  I know two other adoptive couples who have a slight twinge of guilt in fleeting moments.  None of the four couples had any justification for closing the adoption.  They are just liers who wanted an infant and did not give a **** about whose hearts they stomped on to get what they wanted.

I have not seen an open adoption that works well.  I am sure there are some.  I have no personal experience with them.  I have only seen lies and deceit.

Answer 8

I know I would be feeling terrible.  But that's me.  So many people in society today think that lying is not a big deal or they make excuses to justify themselves in their own eyes.  But, truth be told (which obviously they did not), I think that dishonesty is more the norm today than not in lives overall.

Just my opinion.