Don't get along with mom

Question

so lately my mom and I have been fighting so much like its really bad.

ever since shes started dating we hardly ever see her. when i'm at her house every other weekend, she usually goes out all day or up in her room talking on the phone for hours. i mean i understand her doing all that stuff when were at our dads but she should at least be happy to have us for the weekend. she also often says shell do things and then when it comes around to do it she blows it off. i feel like everything i ask or tell her she takes it the wrong way, like i have a tone or an attitude, and then i'm left thinking i dont know what i did. so then i get so angry that i'll say things i regret later and that i dont mean.

she ususally makes it so i'm always doing the wrong, and that shes always right. but honestly i would like her for once to listen to me and realize that sometimes its not always me hurting her.

i feel like shes tired of kids, and would be so much happier if we were already out on our own, off somewhere else.

then i heard her on the phone saying shes sick of me and could just drop me off at my dads house one day, pack all my stuff and change the locks so i can't come back. i mean shes said that before but i never thought she was serious, i just can't believe a mother would do that, even if she and her daughter aren't getting along too well, shouldnt she at least try and fix it, and tell me how she feels.

instead of making it seem that i'm so horrible.

Answer 1

The first thing that you need to understand is that it is not YOU that is the problem here.  You didn't do anything wrong to make her feel and act this way.  There is something wrong within herself and you are just getting some of her issues dumped on you.  But it is NOT your fault.  You really need to talk to your dad.  Yeah he'll probably be mad at her but he might not be all that surprised.  If you are being put in an unhealthy situation, then he needs to know all the details.  With the courts being as they are, you might not be able to get out of going to her house-but maybe you can.  If you don't think you can talk to your dad, talk to another trusted adult (friend's parent, aunt, clergy, couselor, etc).  One day, you will have the choice of when/if you have contact with her and life in general will be easier b/c of it.  But, until then, it may help to try to figure out why she is the way she is.  Nothing excuses her actions, but understanding why people are the way they are is an oddly free-ing kind of thing.  And it might keep you from repeating her mistakes.  Good Luck and seriously go talk to your friends and other adults.    

Answer 2

Go to her and ask her to talk, if she gives you the time of day then talk to her.  Tell her that you don't get to spend much time with her and you really want to do stuff with her.  If she doesn't feel the same, tell your dad, why go over there and just be by yourself?  Your dad will talk to her if you doing it doesn't work.  If she keeps it up then tell your dad you don't want to go over there until she has time to spend with you.  Do this calmly and without an attitude, tell them how you feel.