Don't know what to do...?

Question

I am having a baby in July that will be biracial. I am white and his father is African American. Most of my family believes that this is wrong and refuse to have anything to do with me or this child. Is it fair to keep the child and have him raised with no family execpt a single mother. I know it will be hard to give him up but I can't help but think that keeping him would only be the selfish thing to do and that he deserves to have a complete family who will love him for who he is. Should I contact an adoption agency?

Answer 1

Ask yourself if you can really support him. If you can afford to raise him and you really love him then you probably shouldn't leave him to be adopted just for that.

Answer 2

who cares about your family if they loved you enough they would accept it. keep your baby and give him/her a life.if you are going to adopt have a good reason dont do it for your family.good luck sweetie

Answer 3

First congrats to you and the new life you have growing inside of you. I do not mean to be rude or disrespectful in anyway. I am sorry that your family is not so supportive of you being pregnant. I do not feel that you need to give up your baby because the child is half black. You need to ask your self this question would you give up the baby if the child was going to be all white? There is nothing wrong with you having this baby but if giving up this baby is to make your family happy you want be. That will be a secret that you will have to hide in your heart about letting a child go because they are half black. Your parents choose who they want to be with, and you made a decision to be with someone that was not of your race. If there is any love in your heart for this baby do not walk away from that baby that you are carrying inside you. Think about this everyday of your life you are going to wondering if that child is safe and that no one has hurt him or her in anyway. You are that baby's mom and will always be no matter way you decide to do. But letting something go because it makes someoen else happy doesn't mean it will always make you happy. Love and love hard protect your child and do what you have to do to make sure that, your baby is safe for any kind of harm. You loved that child before you even know if it was a boy or girl. And when you give birth and you look into that baby's eyes and the baby looks back at you and smile fo rthe first time you will know that;that love that you have for the baby you child will have for you too.

Answer 4

I hear you say that your family believes your baby's skin color is "wrong" but what do you think?

Now doesn't that sound silly.  Your baby's skin color is "wrong"????  Will you love this child fully with all your heart and look at him with pride?  When people look down at you and your child will you keep your head up and look them in the eye?  Can you embrace and be proud of your son's beautiful skin and his amazing culture?  Can you love your son for who he is?

Your life will not be the same.  You cannot turn a blind eye to racism any longer.  You must be strong and stand up for your son when racist remarks are said.  You cannot afford to be timid, shy or introverted, your son will be looking up to you and noticing how you handle yourself.

You have to notify the father.  Maybe he or his family would love the opportunity to raise this child.

You might loose your family.  I have raised my children without my extended family.  My family is my husband and children.  You could let your son be your family.  It is never a selfish choice to parent your own child.  You can be a great single parent.  You have a lot of soul searching to do and a great many questions to ask yourself.  Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

Have you told your family of your adoption plans?  They may change their tune a bit if they really knew how you felt.  I can speak from experience that a baby can really change the dynamics of things for the better so I would strongly recommend telling them what you told us.  Good luck!

Answer 6

If you have to ask this question, then you have major doubt & the answer is no. I think if you give this baby up for adoption, you will deeply regret it for the rest of your life. I think you should start saving money and looking for a place to live so everything is ready when your baby arrives. Does the father want to be in the child's life? If not, talk to the courts and petition for child support. I wouldn't worry about your family, if the want to be a part of your life & baby's, then they will come around. If they don't, then they never were really family now were they? Family doesn't turn their backs on each other. My dad turned his back on me after 18 years, I'm almost 23 and haven't had contact with him since. He missed the births of my children & my wedding. But it's his loss, not mine.

Good luck & I truly believe you should keep this baby. I bet you'll make a great mom :)

Answer 7

Sometimes once the baby is born family members might change their tone it does happen. Of course that is not always the case.  If you don’t think that your family views will change, you can still raise your baby you will just have to make sacrifices i.e. your family. Is the father going to be involved? Because then you would have his family.  If you have close friends they can become honoree family, good friends could be Aunt or Uncle, their children could be your child’s cousins etc. As long as the baby gets a lot of love. There are always old folks who are willing to be surrogate grandparents. Some of this people don’t have grandchildren or their grandkids live so far away that they hardly see them but maybe a few times a year.  I would also encourage you too join some sort of group for parents who have mixed raced children.

http://www.ipide.org/

Also consider joining or at least browsing  http://mulatto.org/ forum boards, Positive Resource there are parents of black/white mixies and you can get some insight into how your mixed raced child might possible feel later on.  This section of the board might be helpfully - Parenting Forums for Mulatto Parents & Parents of Mulatto Children

If you do decided to place your baby for adoption you might consider placing with a person /couple, where at least one is mixed raced themselves. Or at least an interracial couple.

How are you losing an ending battle?  The fact that your family has their views and you came out untarnished and open minded says something about your character.  Your baby deserves the support of those who will accept him for who he is whether family are bloodkin or not.  He will get support from you, your friends, possible his parental side and people in the multiracial community

Answer 8

where is the father?  won't you have his family as well?

truthfully, unless your family is completely racist, i can't imagine they're going to turn their back on their grandchild.  I would continue my relationship with them, have the baby, call them and let them know the baby has been born and leave it up to them.  You have programs to make assist you, plus child support so you can make it as a single mom (again, where is the father in all this??).  i truly think that, in time, your parents will come around to receive this little blessing regardless of the bi-racial aspect.

I am normally very pro-adoption in the right circumstances.  However, this is not a circumstance that needs adoption as an option.  You can do this with the support of programs if you need them.  You can raise your child on your own if hte father chooses to make the biggest mistake of his life and not come around.  

I really think your parents will come around.

Answer 9

You love your baby and your baby needs you.  What makes you think your baby won't wonder about you, too?  

Keep in mind that you don't really know how your family will react once your baby arrives.  Often family members' hearts soften the minute they see their sweet grandchild.  

Even so, you won't be totally alone.  I have a feeling there are some family members who don't feel this way.  I'll bet you have other supports in your life, too.  Honestly, if it came down to giving up my family who didn't care enough about me and my baby to get over their prejudices or giving up my baby -- hands down I'd give up the prejudiced family members who didn't even care enough about me to let go of their ideas.

Answer 10

I am bi-racial and raised by a single black mother. I turned out fine. Only give the baby up if you think you will not be a good mother. The single parent situation alone is not a good reason.

Answer 11

Here is the blog of a relinquishing mother that you should read -

http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com/

She has an 'Open' adoption with her daughter's adoptive parents - and she's gone on to have 2 sons.

She misses her daughter every single day.

First and foremost - your daughter needs YOU.

Please do not contact an adoption agency - they want your baby - and will tell you whatever it is that they think you want to hear.

Also - many so-called 'Open' adoptions are closed down after the ink has dried.

How about giving parenting a try - and see how it goes?

As long as you love and fight for this child - that is the most important thing.

I wish you and your babe all the very best.

Answer 12

In this day and age I don't think it matters if your child is black, white, green, or some mix in between. I realize that you are concerned, but who are you trying to protect, yourself, your family?

Your baby is the one who needs to be protected and you are the one to do it.

I am sorry that your family doesn't believe that "mixed blood" is good for them/you, but this is YOUR child - for goodness sakes, are you going to let go of your child because you had s*x with a dark skinned man??? I had s*x and made a baby with a gorgeous Hawaiian man: we made a beautiful baby.

I lost my child to adoption not because of issues of heritage, but because I didn't get support to raise him.

I hope that you look well beyond the issues of skin color before you decide to leave your child behind because of what your family might think. I would never recommend a woman willingly separate herself from her child - especially not due to race. I imagine you are capable of raising your child and you will always be the one to protect him/her from the inevitable slander that is out there. How do you know that a couple of strangers who really want a baby will be as dedicated to your child as you would be?

ETA: Your baby deserves you - for many reasons well beyond the issues of skin color. I'm glad for you that you don't have issues with race. That is clear from the fact that you were dating someone of another race. BUT, what makes you think that  you can believe someone who is telling you that they have no issues with race. How do you know that they understand race issues better than you do. I still think that you are the best advocate for you child, not a couple who want an infant, and haven't really thought about how they will address race issues in the future.

I don't think that this is a good reason to surrender you child. If you don't want to parent, that is one thing; if you don't want to raise a child of mixed race because you can't stand up to your family, that is another. Please be very clear about your abilities. I hope that you choose to parent. If you don't, I hope you realize that there is no guarantee - they might be placed with people who understand race, they might not. All I'm saying is that if you can't stand up for him/her, who else really can?

Answer 13

If YOU want to keep your baby...keep him. If YOU want to give him up for adoption....contact an agency. Forget your family, ex-boyfriend, friends. Think about what YOU think is best for your child.