Don't know what to do with my life?

Question

I feel like there is nothing worth living for, i just don't know what to do with my life. i have to decide what to do with my life and it hurts so much to just think about it, i sometimes feel like it would be easier to just not decide at all. i really do feel depressed sometimes and i feel like i just wanna end it all because that would be the easy way out. see, I am from Italy but I spent the last 2 years in California. I came here as a nanny and i really love the family that i was with. after one year i was supposed to go home but i decided to stay and go to college here. but i still live with my host family and i still work for them. Now the thing is, i go to a community college here because frankly, i cannot afford to go to one of the private universities. i know that an education from a community college is not going to help me much in life and unless i get a scholarship, i dont think i have a chance to got o a university. well, in italy i could afford a good university. another thing is, i have a lot of friends who are nannies but they all leave after a year, leaving me here in california feeling alone and sad. i do have some american friends but it is extremely hard to befriend people here because they already have good friends. i miss my friends in italy a lot, but i also know that going back to italy just because i would be closer to my friends doesnt make much sense. i made a lot of really good friends here, friends who were nannies, and when they leave i feel like i should leave too sometimes i think that i am just not brave enough or strong enough to say good bye to my host family who i love so much, and just move on with my life. i dont know what to do, i love my host family and i cannot imagine leaving them but at the same time i know that i am going to have to leave them eventually because they are not going to need a nanny forever. i dont know how i can decide, i mean, what should i do - go back to italy, be with my friends and get an ok education and lead a pretty predictable life, or stay in california, where i love the city and my hostfamily but where i don't get a very good education and where i feel pretty lonely. please help me, i would appreciate any comments!

Answer 1

Decision, decisions, decisions, who needs them?!

Well, it seems to me that you need to imagine the long term. Think of yourself in a years time, then 2 years time, then 3 years. Try and imagine it positively, don't just think of the negative. It seems to me that if you say the babysitting would not last forever, you would be stuck without a job, no where to live etc and you would gravitate back to Italy. If you moved to Italy, you could still be in contact with your host family, and you can always visit them, I'm sure they would welcome you with open arms.  

Answer 2

it seems like you have come to a fork in the road.  I am pretty sure you are grateful for the opportunity the family you work for has given you, but I am also understanding that you are very homesick.  there is a very simple solution.  you must go back home.  there you will get the education you would like and be around friends and family.  also the currency over there is stronger.  Good luck.

Answer 3

OK. I think your looking at things the wrong way and maybe feeling a little sorry for yourself which isn't going to help.  Asking better questions would be a good start.  Your question basically seems to me to be "should I be miserable or should I be miserable?"  well guess what your answer is going to be. Post question like "how can I get a better eduction in Ca with no money?"

"What scholarships are available to Italians in Ca in my field"  "how do I figure out what I want and go about getting it?",  A completely different way of thinking that will get you completely different result.

I have a website that might be useful to you in this, some good links to.

http://www.dream-life-coaching.com

good luck

Answer 4

Let's see: You're miserable and go to a second-rate college in the US.  You'd be happy and go to fa first-rate university if you went back home.  I don't know - this is a tough problem to figure out.  Oh yeah -- GO HOME!  That's what you really want to do.  You can come back to the US sometime when you feel more prepared.