Don't think I'll be comfortable breast feeding?

Question

I'm almost 7 months pregnant and am having a hard time deciding if I should breast feed or not. I don't know how to explain the situation without offending breast feeders, but I don't think I could feel comfortable breast feeding. I was raped when I was younger and have since been very uncomfortable with my body, especially my b*****s and don't like the idea of anyone touching them, even if it is in a non-sexual way. I also get offended when I hear some women say it should be a "sensual experience", because I'm not understanding what exactly they mean? I just don't get it. Has anyone else felt uncomfortable towards breast feeding? It's not that I wouldn't feed my baby breast milk if I could, but I just think it might traumatize me or remind me of things. I feel that bottle feeding would be best for me and for my baby and I'm pretty sure that's what I'm going to do, but I'm just wondering if any other mothers have had a problem getting used to the idea of breast feeding, or if any of you have been treated badly because you bottle feed?

Answer 1

It sounds like you have made up your mind not to breast feed, and that is completely fine!  I know I will get lots of thumbs down but I don't care.  It is your body and your baby, you have to do what works for you.  

Yes, breast is best, we ALL that one, but formula babies turn out healthy and thriving humans as well.  My siblings and I were never breast feed and I have my Master's Degree in Education, my sis is a lawyer, one brother builds robots and my oldest brother is a financial analyst for a Fortune 500 Company.

When I was preggers my hubby and I took a birth prep class, in that class our instructor told us that 80% of women who leave the hospital are BFers, but after 3 months only 30% of  those women are BFers.  With 70% of the population running around being fed formula, I think you baby will be fine.

Your baby needs lots of love, hugs, kisses, cuddles, attention....

Good luck.

Answer 2

I totally understand.  The idea of breastfeeding bothered me.  I have no problem with other people doing it, but for me it kind of makes me uncomfortable.

I'll warn you that my story will turn you off of breastfeeding completely...

I had a c-section.  While in the recovery room I was still very out-of-it.  Shaking badly from the epidural wearing off and exhaustion from 18 hours of labour.  I was too shaky to hold my baby.  The nurse put the baby to my breast... roughly I might add and without my consent.  It was so awkward.  I kind of felt violated.  There was nothing beautiful about the experience.

Anyways, I continued to try breastfeeding, and after a week I had gotten over the awkwardness.  My new problem was the pain!!  Breastfeeding was the worst pain of my life.  Worse than labour... worse than recovery from the c-section.  It felt like someone had cut off my nipple with a razor blade, and then I had to nurse a baby for 45 minutes every 2-3 hours.  I bawled and screamed and bit down on receiving blankets.  

By the 8th day I was pumping more blood and pus than I was pumping milk.  On the 9th day I was admitted back into the hospital with a Strep A infection  in my c-section incision and I also had an infection in my nipples!!  

Needless to say... that was the end of breastfeeding for me.  It was the right decision for me and my daughter.  Nobody was going to convince me that feeding my newborn pus and blood was the best thing for her.  Of course I had people look down on me for formula feeding, but like my doctor said... "Formula fed babies still go to Harvard!!"

I recommend you try breastfeeding.  It might come very naturally for you, and it might give you some peace about your b***s being sexual objects?  If it doesn't work for you, don't feel guilty.  Your baby will be perfectly healthy with formula.

Answer 3

omg i know exactly what you mean but why i dont like breastfeeding is a different reason i mean isee it as a sexual thing i would only want my boyfriend down there not my baby i'll pump but thats it...its to weird sorry!

Answer 4

I *HATE* people touching my b*****s, even during s*x.  But I don't mind breastfeeding (however twiddling probably bothers me more than some moms).

Honestly I have never heard breastfeeding called sensual and I certainly wouldn't call it that.

For the rape survivor breastfeeding can be very empowering, however it can also be difficult.  Its not too late to start working on it before the baby arrives, then you can try breastfeeding and if you can't you can't -but you owe it to yourself (your mental and physical health) and the baby to at least try.

I know that being pregnant and giving birth can seem overwhelming to abuse survivors.  And it may be hard to want to tackle something else on top of if.  However breastfeeding and watching a baby grow on your milk can be very empowering.  Your b*****s are for nourishing children -take them back.

Breastfeeding and the Sexual Abuse Survivor

http://www.llli.org/ba/May98.html

The Long Shadow: Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse

http://www.granitescientific.com/thelong...

Assisting Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA)

through Breastfeeding

http://www.nnewh.org/images/upload/attac...

Counseling the Nursing Mother

By Judith Lauwers, Anna Swisher

http://books.google.ca/books?id=crW6348I...

From hurting to healing touch

Infant feeding experiences of women survivors of childhood sexual abus

http://www.rcsf.ca/network-reseau/10-1/1...

Breastfeeding as a Survivor of Sexual Abuse

http://one-of-those-women.blogspot.com/2...

Breastfeeding and Survivors of Childhood Abuse

http://www.apatraumadivision.org/resourc...

Good mothering after sexual abuse and a difficult birth experience

http://www.survivorsasmothers.org/Alisa_...

Survivor Moms

Women’s Stories of Birthing, Mothering

and Healing after Sexual Abuse

http://www.midwiferytoday.com/books/surv...

http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/abus...

From One Survivor to Another

Use your birthing and breastfeeding experience to regain your power as a strong woman, don't let the person who abused you continue to have control and power in your life. This is the chance to break the cycle of abuse, don't let the perpetrator win, re-discover your power in any way that you can, and use that power to heal yourself and to teach and protect your children. One place that was helpful to me in my learning was a local coalition of women's services, rape crisis/shelters/CHC's. Some of the standard healing books, like The Courage to Heal, and Scream Louder, may be useful for you to read. Many pregnant women find that intensive work is just not feasible at the time, so short-term problem-solving may be in order. I try to help my clients identify things that scare them, physically and emotionally. Sounds, smells, people, places, touches, you name it, and it may trigger a physical or emotional stress response. Then we try to come up with ways to avoid the stressors and methods for dealing with unavoidable triggers. Standards like visualization, relaxation, aromatherapy, herbs, acupressure, may be adapted to help mom cope. I have found it to be a very individual process.

Answer 5

Your baby is a part of you, and your milk is solely developed to provide nutrients to your baby. Mother nature works that way, If you don't feel comfortable giving your milk to your baby, that's fine..but still don't say that is b/c you got raped and that is the reason why youdon'tt wanna give your milk to that poor baby who cant even see well.  

Answer 6

I was extremly uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding for a very long time!! I always viewed breast as a sexual thing and thought it would be way too weird and kinda gross! (those are for my hubby) But one random day about 8mths into my pregnancy it was just ok to me and I decided to give it a try!! I attempted bc I knew it was best for my baby but she has a problem with her tongue (she is tongue tied) and could not latch on!! So I opted to pump and she recieved breast milk for 3 weeks then my milk dried up!! A few people in my family think I should have tried harder to get my milk to keep coming but pumping was exhausting and more of a pain than anything!! Your baby will get everything he/she needs from formula so dont feel bad if you jusr cant be comfortable with breastfeeding!!!

Answer 7

I'm an avid supporting of breast feeding, but if you are not comfortable it's not going to be a positive experience for you or your baby. do what you think is best because no matter what you do someone will have an opinion about it good or bad. just a suggestion, you could pump breast milk and bottle feed it to your baby. be secure in what ever you do and you both will be fine!  

Answer 8

I have to say that I have always found the thought of breastfeeding very uncomfortable, and this was for years before I even thought about having a baby. When I did get pregnant last year and I discussed this with my husband, he asked me to at least try it when the baby arrived. So I agreed, although deep down I knew that I didn' want to.

I was so constantly bombarded with information and people telling me it is best for my baby that if I even thought about not breastfeeding, the guilt I felt was unlike anything I've ever experienced.

When my baby arrived the delivery was quite difficult and I lost a lot of blood leaving me very anaemic and so quite poorly. I did try as soon as I had had her but she didn't latch on very well and I just didn't like it. I made the decision to stop that night in the hospital. As soon as I had I felt like a weight had been lifted. But I did feel sooooo guilty. i have never been treated badly for bottle feeding, but I did feel slightly paranoid initially wondering what people thought of me.

Now, my baby is 13 weeks old,  and is a very happy and healthy baby. And I have truly enjoyed these first few months of her life. If I had breastfed, I feel sure that it would have been alot harder for me to enjoy.  At the end of the day you have to do what you feel happiest doing, if you're stressed and unhappy, your baby may pick up on that.

Good luck!

Answer 9

After a difficult birth and an emergency c-section I had trouble breastfeeding despite the fact that I had always said I would do it for at least the first 6 months.

My milk took a long time to come in, my baby wasn't drinking enough and lost weight, I got mastitis and my baby would feed every 2 - 3 hours (even at night).

Breast or bottle is a personal decision and you should absolutely do what you feel is best for you. We all know breast is best, but that doesn't make formula bad, babies need a happy and health mum too.

I breast fed with bottles to top up until 5 and 1/2 months and grew to love the experience of bonding, until my baby got his first tooth and his biting drew blood.

There is definitely an attitude out there that breast is the only way. I found some midwives very pushy and people who successfully breast feed often look down their nose at you.

When I was struggling with breast feeding I was treated like I would be a quitter if I didn't stick with it.

There is no 'one size fits all' with babies. You need look after yourself so that you can best look after your baby.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I chose not to breastfeed my daughter. I was just not comfortable with the idea of it. Many women would somewhat "look down" on me when I told them I was bottle feeding, like I was just this horrible person. I don't care, my daughter is perfectly healthy. My mother didn't breastfeed me and I turned out just fine. The decision is completely up to you! If you are not comfortable with it most likely your child will sense it and that will make it even more difficult. Do what is right for you and don't worry about what other people think or say.

Answer 11

I hated breastfeeding, I just pumped breast milk for my babies. People always gave me dirty looks or rude comments about me not breastfeeding  but its not there choice it was mine. You should do whatever you feel more comfortable doing :D Good Luck!!  

Answer 12

I would try it at least just to see.  Then if you're still uncomfortable after a few days maybe you could pump milk and feed it from a bottle.  If that bothers you also then i guess the best thing to do would be to formula feed.  you don't want to resent your baby.  good luck

Answer 13

Please don't take this the wrong way. I am sorry you were raped. That is awful and no one should have to experience it. However, the mechanisms that you have created to deal with s*x should be the same mechanisms you use to breastfeed. Obviously it took a while for you to be comfortable having s*x again after being raped, and although it may take some getting used to, you can learn to breastfeed without it reminding you of your rape.

Breastfeeding is described as a sensual experience by some because it feels good! Holding your sweet, warm baby close to you, the smell of their skin, the way they play with your hair, touch your chin, stare deep into your eyes. It's so wonderful! Your body also releases oxytocin when you breastfeed, the same hormone released during o****m.

I'd really urge you to at least try to breastfeed. It is the best thing you can do for your baby (a quick scan of all the issues people post about on Yahoo regarding formula, spitting up, reflux, vomiting, tummy problems, etc. should be enough to convince you!)

If you try it and find you can't handle it, you can always switch over to formula, but to do the opposite is much harder. Good luck!

PS- You might also try to get some counseling if you haven't already.

Answer 14

first i would like to say to the person above me- s***w you if you say she is using the rape as an excuse because you are in no position to judge that if you have not been through it so keep that opinion to yourself.

so to help you with your question....i was scared of it for the usual reasons of fear of pain and him not latching on etc etc. once i started there was no getting me to stop- until i had to for medical reasons. it was such a bonding time with my son that i loved and even though my b***s sag now, i wouldnt change it for a thing (i work at victorias secret yay for our push up bras!) but anyways, i partially understand your feelings with it because of the rape- i wasnt raped but pretty d**n close to it. I'd like to talk to you about that but through an email.

whatever you find comfortable for you is what you need to do. there are many benefits to breastfeeding but bottle fed babies are perfectly healthy as well.

edit- i took so long to type that all of you managed to get stuff in before i did and i started after the first person! lol so the s***w you was to the first person...

my email is [e-mail]

Answer 15

I currently have a nine month old and have been breastfeeding since she was born. I love it and find it very convenient and a great way to feel closer to my daughter. That being said, only you can make the right decision for you and your child. I happen to be adopted and so I was a formula fed baby from day one and I grew up happy, healthy and very close to my parents. Being comfortable with your baby so that you can be the best mom possible is the most important thing. Please don't let anyone else influence your decision, because what's best for your baby is what will make you feel most comfortable. Good luck, it is really a wonderful experience!

Answer 16

i feel bad that you were raped but rember breastfeeding is not sexual at all its the best possible food for your baby

all you can do is try it and if your not comfortable at least you tried it or pump the milk and feed them with the bottle so they dont touch your breast

if this still dosnt work give your baby formula if it will be the best thing for your baby and you rember formula was made because not everyone can breastfeed and ur baby will still get all the nutrients it needs