Don't want my mother to be in my child's life?

Question

My baby is going to be born in the winter.

After the baby is born, Im thinking about cutting off contact for a while from my controlling, overly judgemental mother.

I don't want to punish my mother, or my child, but the last thing that I want is for my child to be influenced by my mother, and most of all I don't want to be influenced by her. Plus, my older sister just had a baby whom my mother favors.

Im not going to complain, list my more of my mothers traits, because I dont want any unfair judgements.

but has anybody out there every kept a family member away from their child, or cut off contact with a family member? Is it normal to want to do this, is it okay? I guess in the end It's really my decision, but I'd just like some opinnions.

Answer 1

Why are you waiting until the baby is born? I don't understand the decision to wait, if you have issues with her now, how would waiting several months be any better (other than to serve your own purposes)? Your really don't give any explanation for your reasoning because you've stated you don't want unfair judgements. Yet, judgements are what your looking for about the actions your are considering. Or is it simply validation your looking for?

Answer 2

I personally couldn't do that but I suppose it depends on your reasons for wanting to do so. Just because she's a "bad" mother doesn't mean she'll be a bad grandmother. You said it yourself, you do not want to punish her. But isn't that exactly what you're doing by keeping your baby away from her? You don't want to be spiteful so just make sure you're doing this for a GOOD reason.

Answer 3

Yes, my uncle is always trying to mess with my son and it is really annoying because he has dirty hands all of the time and stinks really bad. So when my uncle tries to touch him i pull him away and say it is bed time or something. It is hard because i live with my aunt, my uncle ( her brother) and my grandma. It is just so hard, he is so gross and such a pig. I try to keep my son clean and away from my uncle.

Answer 4

I personall would not do that, but understand you. There are people (even though it`s your relative) that act the way, that you do not wan them to be round, especially around your children.

My advice- no matter if she is good or bad - she is your mother, so do not ignore her and let her stay wih your baby at least for a little bit... she defenitely would be relly happy.

Answer 5

What is "normal", and why does it matter?

Do YOU have legitimate reasons for keeping her from your child? Other than jealousy about your niece/nephew being favored?

My mother is not permitted anywhere near my children. I have specific reasons for cutting her out of my life, and they are based on the safety of my children. It was not a decision I took lightly. If, however, you simply need a break, tell her so. Set boundaries you are comfortable with. But base it upon mature, adult, legitimate reasons. Then you'll know what the answer is.

Answer 6

Interesting you would want to cut your Mom off now when you may need her assistance.  BUT now that you are going to become a mother yourself, you are now in protective mode, in which you should be.    If your Mom will not be supportive, cordial and is condescending and controlling and you do not want this for you or your baby then you must do what you must do to protect yourself and the life you carry.    This may be hard to do as I know you deep down love your Mom but can't take the way she makes you feel.    This is not her but you, sweets, you need to look at yourself and assess what it is that makes you feel this way.   It is what is inside you that causes this turmoil.    When you can stand strong and let hurtful words bounce off of you and you can carry yourself maturely withstand what ANYONE sends your way, then you are done worrying about approval from others.  Own your life.    

Love your sister more, if your Mom plays you both off on each other and pits both of you against each other on how much she favors one daughter over the other.    Your sister mostlikely didn't ask for MORE attention over you, although she is getting it.    She may feel bad that you aren't getting the attention that you rightfully deserve.  Head up, chin up, stop seeking approval from your Mom and your sister.  Be responsible and live your life graciously and then they will come around and want to be a part of it all.    Allow your Mom to be in your life but set perameters for her if she is to be in your life and stick to them.  If she can't abide by your house rules then she can't be there until she changes.   Ahhh, but alas, if you live in her house.......you have a lot of growing up to do to step up and be a mature person and listen to what she is saying.   If not, then you need to move out and get your own life.