Don't want son going to friends house, what to say to parents and son?

Question

My son has a friend who he would like to have come over to our house and play. I don't really have any problem with this friend coming over to our house to play, but I don't know what to tell him, his friend or his parents when I say no to him going over to their house.

This friends parents are, lets say not as observant as I would like. The parents are not home when the school bus comes in the afternoon, which means the kids have to go back to the bus garage and wait for someone. The kids play way too close to the road (which is a very busy road), and I have heard that pot is used and left out around their kids, and other peoples children.

It is not an environment that I am comfortable with my son or any child being in.

How do I explain to the kids and the parents that I don't want my son at their house? I feel bad for the kids, it's not their fault.

Answer 1

Depends on the age of your son, but I would be honest with him and say that you don't feel comfortable with him going over there because there is not enough supervision for your taste. Don't criticize his friend's parents to him since kids tend to repeat what they hear.

If the other parents ask you why, just be really casual and say that you are a bit paranoid about your son, that he needs a lot of supervision, and you feel more comfortable with the boys at your place. Make it seem like it is your issue, not theirs. I am assuming that you don't want a confrontation with them - it would make it hard for your son to keep his friend if that happened.

You should trust your instincts. Everyone has different parenting styles, and maybe what they are doing works for them, but it doesn't mean it works for you.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I so understand your dilemma.. I have used excuse after excuse... but it's totally ok for you to let the parents know that  you feel more comfortable with the kids playing at your house.. you can joke about being a really protective mom... sorry I don't have anything better. But I would stand your ground... if for some reason their house got raided CPS would be all over you.. I have seen it happen personally. Good luck!!

Answer 3

I would avoid making any statements that sound like judgements, just revise how you are thinking about this because besides the pot and your gut feeling are a few really good reasons you can hang on to and completely justify having their son over all the time. However, sooner or later you will just have to bite the bullet and let him go over or put your foot down. I would allow the parents to come to you with an invite and then make sure they will be home and not smoke pot around your son, this is going with the flow and being a reasonable concerned parent given the environment you are raising your son.

Answer 4

I would explain your safety concerns to your son. I was always open with my children about things like that. Tell him your fine with the friend coming over as you are home and they are looked after in your home. Explain (as I did) that you do not approve of children being home without proper supervision or an adult present-even young children can understand that-and that you are not rejecting the friendship of this child just the circumstances of the play

Answer 5

You could say if the neighbors have a cat or dog that your kids get itchy eyes and allergies around the animals. : )  Has worked for me...most of my kids' friends come over here to play...I just feel like they are safer when I can keep an eye on them and it sets my mind at ease knowing they are right here...

Answer 6

my mother does the same thing, and i hate it.

let your kid go over there, trust him to be responsible about playing in the street etc.

if something happens, sue the family.

Answer 7

You didn't say your son's age so it's difficult to gauge his level of understanding..  nor did you say whether you would be actually speaking to the parents about this.

Your first and safest bet is the fact that no one is home when school lets out.  That requires no explanation, to the parents or the boys.

I would tell the parents how you feel without being judgmental, i.e., just say that you have certain house rules for your child that you don't expect other parents to enforce, such as close supervision during all play dates.

Answer 8

My son is also 7 and at this point he is not allowed inside anyones house without one of his parents.  It's also our policy that other kids are not allowed in our house.  (there are too many freeks out there and you can't control who is coming or going from that house, likewise I don't want anyone wondering what there kid was doing in my house)  Sometimes my son gets mad and his friends too, but I think it's for the best right now.  Most of the parents I've talked to I just keep it really light and take the blame.  " He's grown up too fast and I guess I'm still a little nervous about leaving him alone,  for right now our rule is that he's not allowed at anyones house, but in a few years you guys can keep him all you want, hah ahaha"  That sort of thing.  I've never had an other parent be offended.  As for the kids, let them play in the yard or ride bike on the street.  They'll get over it.

Answer 9

How old are the kids? Why would they take the kids back to the bus garage. Why not just have a neighbor watch him until the parents get home? That doesn't really make sense.

Answer 10

I don't have kids yet, but my parents were very particular when I was growing up, regarding the supervision level of other parents.  We had a rule that we were not allowed to go to friends' houses if the parents were not there, and sometimes my mom would call the other parent to make sure the situation had been communicated.  I will say I was least embarrassed when my mom pulled me asside and explained to me that she would prefer for me and my friends (one in particular with older siblings that were not a good influence) to play at my house.  I was probably only in the second grade when she explained that she would never want to hurt Sara's feelings, but that she was more comfortable with us playing at my house- so she asked that when Sara asked me to come over, I suggest we do something fun at my house.  Granted, my mom went out of her way to make it appealing for us to play at our house- like setting up the kitchen like a restaurant, or having a fun painting project waiting in the garage, which takes effort, but I understood she was just caring about me and we agreed it would not be best to mention the agreement to Sara.  It really worked out for the most part- occasionally, there were times when we went to Sara's but my mom was good to schedule it to where she would drop me off when she knew Sara's mom was home (and often when Sara's sister was not) and pick me up a few hours later- sometimes picking Sara up, too.  The fact that my mom was really involved in wanting us to have fun within boundaries made my friends want to be at our house, and probably made the other parents a little more aware of the importance of their own role.  Its tough these days.  Good luck! :)  

PS- I would avoid saying anything to the parents- it would be hard to address the issue without making them feel defensive and like you are calling them bad parents.  Best to just lead by example in creating a supervised yet fun environment for the kids.