Don't want to be a bridesmaid! Help!!?

Question

My fiances brothers girlfriend is going to ask me to be a bridesmaid and I do not want to be one for her. She is not very nice at all, gives everyone, including his parents attitude, is rude and competative and I just dont want to deal with her, especially when she is getting ready for her wedding. Example, we are planning our wedding, but she refuses to talk about it, she just wants to talk about hers and how much fancier and nicers theirs is going to be because her family has money and we dont. Ugh. Anyway, How can I tell her no without causing family issues? I know she is going to ask because fiances brother said she was and she has no other friends. Gee...I wonder why. Someone please HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

So just tell her that you are honored she would ask, but don't believe you would have the time or money tobe a bridesmaid.  If she tries to talk you into it, you should stand your ground and thank her, but you have to respectfully decline..../

Answer 2

don't even give the 'i have my own wedding to plan' excuse. Just tell her that this is a very busy time for you and you just can't commit to any big time commitments now. If she tries to pry just tell her that it's personal and you'd rather not discuss it at the moment. If she won't let up well then you were absolutely right to not be a bridesmaid for her.  

Answer 3

Try to think of this as your future brother-in-law's wedding. Does that help to put it in perspective? HE is becoming your family. No doubt your fiance/new hubby will be his best man and it is pretty reasonable to expect that they would want you in the wedding party as well. You say that she is not very nice. Well, HE seems to love her and she will be in the family so try and find something good about her. No one is perfect, not even you. People who talk about their money are usually "new money" and very insecure. It should not bother you unless you are a teeny bit envious.If you truly are NOT envious of their bigger and fancier wedding, then it shouldn't bother you one bit. When she asks you, and I'm sure she will, be pleasant and accept BUT, in the nicest way, tell her that "just a bridesmaid though because I really don't have the time or finances required to help you out as much as a MOH would do." Then, as another poster suggested, you could also giggle a bit and add that "And I hope you won't be upset if I'm a bit wider by the time of your wedding becasue honeybun and I are going to be starting a family right away and I might be pregnant". She will either a) back off and say that if you're pregnant, you can withdraw, or b)shock you by being nicer than you think she is and say that you will be cherished even if you're 8 months and huge. If her response is the latter, you may have misjudged her and if so, it's time to grow up and get to know your future sister-in-law a bit better for the sake of the entire family! Good luck.

Answer 4

Just grin and bear it dear.  We all have families with issues.  We like to hide it half the time, but truly all families are dysfunctional to some point.  You are part of the family since their is an engagement ring on your finger.  You are expected to be in her wedding if and when she asks you.  As time goes by, you may even change your mind about her alltogether.  Or you and your soon to be husband may decide to get away from all the craziness.  Whatever you decide don't break all ties, you may need them in the future.

Answer 5

This woman is going to be a member of your family. Unless you have a really good reason, it's going to be hard to decline politely. Maybe the best thing to do is accept but let her know that you are very busy and can't be very involved in pre-wedding things - planning a shower, doing lots of dress-shopping, etc. Then say, graciously, that if she's looking for a bridesmaid who can be more helpful, it won't hurt your feelings if she chooses someone else.

Surely you can grit your teeth through one afternoon, for the sake of avoiding family drama, right?

Answer 6

Just tell het that because you are also in the midst of planning your own wedding that you do not have the time, energy or money to devote to the honor of being a bridesmaid.

Answer 7

Just start to avoid her. She'll get the message. I was in a rough spot like that 2 years ago. One of my girlfriends had asked me but I had felt that we had grown apart so much. I really wasn't excited about it. Well unfortunately, they broke up (that I am sad about)  but I was happy that I didn't have to play the role because I knew she wanted me to be one because of my financial status.  

Answer 8

Tell her you would feel silly being one at your age.

Answer 9

tell that hoe to back off!

Answer 10

Tell her thanks for asking, but financially you can't do it because you are planning your own wedding.

Answer 11

From what I can tell by reading your question is that you are also planning a wedding and speaking from experience that is no easy task.  I might would just explain that although you would love to be in her wedding, that you don't feel you could devote time (as a bridesmaid should) to her wedding and your wedding also.  I have learned that you can be nice in declining an offer but sometimes you have to be firm.  Maybe your fiance might also explain in a similar way that you and he are so busy getting ready for your own wedding that helping with their wedding is next to impossible.  Since her wedding is after yours - let her know that you need a little down time to enjoy being a newlywed and do not want to commit yourself to anything right now.

Good Luck !!  

Answer 12

You may not be able to use your wedding as an excuse since it will be over and done with at that time, but you can use the money you will be spending on your wedding as an excuse.  Just explain that it's very important to you to try to build up your finances again after spending all that money on your own wedding.  Kindly tell her you will be happy to attend her wedding as a guest, but you will not have the money to participate in the wedding party.  If she insists that you shouldn't be worried about the money, just tell her you're sorry but this is a decision that you and your future husband feel is best for your future.  h**l, you can even tell her you may want to have children soon after your wedding, and maybe she won't want a preggers bridesmaid standing up there with her : )

Answer 13

If she is your fiances brothers girlfriend, then you have a while first.  They need to get engaged before they can even start planning a wedding.

How do you know for sure she would even ask you?

If you are so set against it, tell her that you guys have decided to start trying to have a baby right away, even if its not true.  

Good luck.

Answer 14

Ya know what I would tell her that you have enough going on trying to plan your own wedding that you don't have enough time to put that kind of stress on your shoulders!  I am sure either way she will be a lil _ _ _ _ _ because she just sounds that way!  Either way don't do something you don't want to do that will cause more pain than dealing with the fam!

Answer 15

I would just simply tell her that if she was nicer you would love to do it, but since she has to one up you all the time you don't think it would be fair to her that her only bridesmaid looks like she doesnt want to be there it could ruin her whole day. If you put it to her where she doesn't want you to be her leading lady then you're off the hook. Call her out on her being so obnoxious. Maybe she will change her tune, if not she will at least not want you in her wedding.

Answer 16

First, she has not asked you. Chill.

If she does, tell her that you appreciat the offer but you can't. Cite financial and logistical impediments.

Good luck

Answer 17

Tell her that its a huge responsibility, but you are worried that you wont be able to put in much effort to help her... and tell if she has a smaller task to delegate (like guestbook attendant, or getting their gifts to their home) you would gladly do a smaller job.

Or you could try to communicate this to your fiance who might clue in the brother before she even asks.

Answer 18

You need not have an excuse.  This is where the handy phrase, "I'm afraid that won't be possible." comes in.

When (and if!) she asks, simply say, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that won't be possible.  Thank you for asking, though."  Then stop talking.  No excuses, no lies, no nothing.

If she asks why not, state, "It's personal."

If she then presses you for what the reason is, ask her why she wants to know.  That usually shuts rude people right up.

Answer 19

I would just suck it up and just do it. Just because you don't care for her to much, may cause a problem with the family and you don't want to be looked at like everyone looks at her,.You seem like a very nice person, don't stoop to her level because she is a b##th. let everyone one think how nice you are to do this. By backing out will only cause some to look at you in a different way by the family. After the wedding, you don't have to have anything to do with her.  

Answer 20

Tell her you will be too busy with your own wedding, and you are sorry, but you just can't handle the extra stress right now.  Congratulations and good luck. And if that doesn't work, tell her you don't like her attitude and sorry, you don't want to be involved.  

Answer 21

Be honest with her and tell her that you don't want to be a bridesmaid.  Hopefully she's not expecting you to pick her for your wedding.  Or, make up some excuse as to why you can't be a part of her wedding.  You know you are going to the wedding anyway without having to be a part of it.  Explain to your fiance's brother why you can't/don't want to be a part of his wedding (ie, you are busy with your own and would rather relax and enjoy his to help him out)

Answer 22

I can see why you wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid. I was just explain to her that you don't have the time or money to be a bridesmaid because you are planning your own wedding. It's not really fair of her to ask you since you are getting married too. What is there to lose? You already don't like her anyways! :)