Don't want to invite my step mom to the wedding!?

Question

I'm getting married in 2010. I absolutely do NOT want to invite my step mom to the wedding. I know for sure that my dad won't come if I don't invite her. She will talk him out of being there. She is very controlling and a total 'you know what'. Anyways, when ever I visit my dad, she is always there (she doesn't have a job and she sits on the couch watching soaps all day drinking beers and smoking cigs). She just glares at me and every comment she makes is rude. She hates me for finally taking control of my own life and telling her know. I was a push over as a child because of her and her controlling ways. My fiance has taught me how to say 'no' and how to make my own decisions. My step mom just hates that she doesn't control me anymore. By the way, I'm 21. So, back to the wedding thing. I really don't want to invite her. She will probably ruin my day and I refuse to let that happen. What should I do?!?! I really want my dad to walk me down the aisle. My dad is a complete push over when it comes to her and he does whatever she wants. She wastes his money and she's ruining his life. I've tried talking to him in private many times but nothing works!!

Answer 1

You must have her there, but have several relatives and friends

keep an eye on her and if she gets to be a pain in the butt

have her escorted OUT!!

Your dad will finally see the light where she is concerned

someday, hopefully soon!

Good Luck

Answer 2

Eloping would solve the problem!

Answer 3

Congrats.

You cannot invite one spouse and not the other, no matter who it is or why.  So you have to choose between having your dad and his wife, or not having your dad or his wife.  One thing you will learn about marriage is, it makes two people one.  There is no invitations that may be sent to only one spouse and not the other.  

I would tell you that if you want your dad to walk you down the aisle, invite him to do so knowing your step mom will be with him.  

Things you have control over: her name does not have to be mentioned on the invitation, in the program or anywhere else.  The invitation may just say you and your fiance's name, or your dad's name (and mom's name?) and you can always skip her on all the important stationery, etc.

Try to focus on your wedding, and don't let her ruin it for you.  Remember that your dad is more important to you than she is, and because of that fact, you are allowing him to bring his wife because you respect him and his decisions.  Appoint a personal attendant (a trusted friend not in the wedding but that can help you get ready for the wedding - doesn't have to buy a dress) to keep you sane around her, get you away from her, cut her off, make her behave, etc., etc.)  The personal attendant can be your step mom buffer, and she can attend to any problems started by the step mom.

Answer 4

sounds like my step-beast. what you have to ask, is what i had to ask myself: is not having the cloven-hooved beast more important than not having my father. i opted for my father, and in doing so, reluctantly have also opted to have her present because my father too will not come if the cherished wifie is not invited. however, i have made it very clear to my father that if she is anything less than civil, she will be escorted out and not be allowed back in to join in festivities. she gets one shot.

Answer 5

It seems that she is your father's long term choice of partner so if you don't want to fracture your relationship with your father and you expect him to accept your choice of partner, perhaps it would be better to put your feelings aside.

Answer 6

Well,you'll see if your father is really a father on your wedding day.If he lets that scag control him on that day,that is really messed up,but try not to let it ruin your day,which i know it will,but if my father did that,I would still have a good time at my wedding,but close contact with him after.A real father would do anything for his child.God bless you hun.I wish you the best.

Answer 7

I would be the bigger person.  Invite her along with your dad.  For one it is rude not too but you can make her look bad.  Kill her with kindness, go out of your way to be nice to her.  Then everyone will the she's a b*tch and you are wonderful and sweet and they will wonder what her problem is.  When I'm in this situation I just tell myself I'm better than that and I show it. Don't give anyone reason to think you might be immature.

Answer 8

I can understand your feelings but it would be so unfair of you to put your dad in that position where he has to choose between you and his wife.  You may not like the woman but it is his wife.  Include them both but talk to your dad and ask him to please make sure his wife is civil and doesn't disrupt the wedding.  He obviously knows there is no love lost between the 2 of you and hopefully he will be able to keep the peace at least for your wedding day.  She may surprise you and put on a good front because she is in public and doesn't want to make herself look bad.

Answer 9

If you can't put your feelings aside for just 1 day. Then you are just as childish as she is. I suggest invite them both, have your dad walk you down the aisle, and enjoy the rest of your life with your new husband, and let your father continue enjoying his life with her.  

Answer 10

It is very, very rude to invite only half a married couple to a wedding, no matter who they are.  If you don't want her there, then you will need to not invite him as well.  If you want your father there, then you have to invite her also.

What you can do is tell your father that if she even tries to start anything that you will have her removed.  Then inform venue security that if anyone starts to act up that the person will be immediately escorted out.  This should go for anyone, not just your stepmother.

He has chosen her to be a part of his life, and there is nothing you can do about that.  You are about to embark on your own life with your own spouse.  A lot can happen in two years.  Don't burn the bridge just yet.

Answer 11

Your Dad and his wife are a couple.  If your Dad comes to the wedding, so does his wife.  Sorry to say that you don't get to pick and choose between parts of a couple.

This is the time to take the high road and invite your father and his wife.  Be as civil to her as you can.  If you can't be civil, then avoid her for the whole day.

Answer 12

Sorry, but  you don't really have a choice in this one.  It's all or nothing.  You have your dad involved, with your step-mom along for the ride or you get married without your father at your wedding.  You make the choice.

Answer 13

You don't sound 21.  More like 13.  

Make up your mind that your step mom is part of your Dad's life.  If you invite him, he should be able  to bring his wife, too.

Answer 14

You would be being childish and immature by not inviting... you would also be allowing her to control you once again.  So now you are an adult and in charge of your own life so make a decision not to let her bother you.  You can not make your father's decisions for him or control what she says or does but you can control how you react to it.  If you treat her as you would a friend's petulant child -smile and ignore their behavior assuming the parent's will handle the situation later.

Answer 15

It is completely rude to invite your dad and not his wife, or for that matter, any member of a married couple without his or her spouse.  Two wrongs don't make a right.