Don't want visitors in the hospital when I am having my daughter?

Question

Okay so my husband and I are expecting our third child any day now. When we had our son 5 years ago, his family was there when I was in labor and I was so annoyed. Then they keep visiting and I could not get any rest. Well with our second child, we didn't call anyone until after our daughter was born and it pissed off his sister. She made a comment like I bet her mom knew and was there. So what, they are really annoying and call the hospital room and bring all their loud kids up to the room.

This time, since we already have two children at home already the hospital will be the most peaceful time we will have with our daughter before we go home. I just want everyone to respect our time alone in the hospital and come see us at home later. This is not a problem for my family, I know it will be for his family because they cannot respect boundaries. I mean if they knew I was in labor they would call every hospital to see where I was. Is there a polite way of telling them to stay away?

Answer 1

i would say to tell them just that.. that you feel this may be the only time you will have to bond with the child just mommy and daddy and will love visitors at home, that you will call and give them up to date info on when baby is born and how things are but to please not call and visit. If they can not understand that.. then get nasty lol.. have your husband tell them. Just let them know that you understand that this is a big time and they would love to be a part of it and your grateful that the baby has such caring family but you really want to get some rest because you will have to go full force when you get home. I totally understand where your coming from.. good luck with that and congrats

Answer 2

Well, we're only having our parents, and possibly our siblings visit. For everyone else (there's a lot of aunts, uncles, friends, etc), we told them we'd be having a get together shortly after we come home from the hospital. Maybe instead of asking them to come to the hospital, let them know you want to hang out and rest, and as soon as you get home, they can all come over to visit...

Answer 3

I would just tell them how you feel and that you need all the rest you can get and if they dint like it they will have to just get over it.  Ive learned that with having my son ever one wants it there way and your the one who matters they will get over it and if not that will be there fault.  I know from experience i pissed my grandfather off by letting him know I'm not using a 100 year old bassinet.  I didn't talk to him for a while but he got over it and finally stopped calling my son an it

Answer 4

I had the same problem! For my son, I could not keep my in-laws away. They kept coming over and I really needed rest. So for my daughter, I told everyone, ahead of time that I do not want anyone waiting at the hospital. I said for everyone to stay home (which was fine for my family because my mother would watch my son anyway) and we would call them when I was ready for visitors. I also told them that once I was ready for visitors, my son would be the first one in. My husband was to go out and grab him and come back in and we were to spend at least 15 minutes together as a family before any visitors. I told them this was important to me as I wanted my son to see and get used to his sister first.

My mother in law had a hard time with it at first. She complained and threw a fit but I told my husband to please explain it to her or I will be forced to tell nurses not to let anyone in unless I say so, and I swore if she ignored thatm she would be last. I didn't want to resort to that and in the end she said she would respect my wishes.

Just ask them polietly. Reassure them that it is not just them staying away. You are the one having YOUR baby and you have the right to deny visitors until you are ready. If they still put up a fight then put your foot down and make sure to tell your nurses when you are at the hospital. Just tell them you need your rest and would rather wait until you come home as (if it is a vaginal delivery) it is only 2 days later. When they do come to your house, remind them that when you need to be alone that they should please respect your wishes and visit another time. As for family members with kids. Ask them to come without the kids first if possible or if the kids come and get out of hand, do not be afraid to ask them to leave. If they visit at your house, remember it is on YOUR terms and politely remind them of that.

Hope this helps. Good luck hun!

Answer 5

Sounds exactly like my story, except we haven't had a third.  If your husband supports you, I would make it clear to them now that you will not call them when they baby is born because they can't respect boundaries, plain and simple.  Then they won't be surprised.  

Also, due to the HIPPA privacy laws, the hospital can't give out your room number, or even tell people that you have been admitted without your consent.  If they get pissed maybe they won't bother you as much.  They'll either get over it, or they won't.  If they can't respect you, I wouldn't worry about hurting feelings.

The older I get, the less c**p I am willing to take.  God Bless!

Answer 6

Type up a "Birth Plan" and make sure to give it to your head nurse/doctor. In your birth plan, specifically state that you do not want any outside visitors (other than your husband and children), and please avoid any unnecessary staff, interns, etc. Also, can you have your husband break the news to his family. He can say something like, "My wife will be recovering and on a lot of meds and would much rather have family over in our home once we return from the hospital..." Good luck!

Answer 7

tell them what you said here about he only peacefull time alone with your new baby. that you want this birth to be a special experience between you and your husband. if you dont want them there and they show up, you can have the nurses make them stay out. and if they wont stop calling just unplug the phone in the labor room. they'll get over it

i had a similar issue with my inlaws when i had my daughter 9 weeks early. they were pissed at me for over a month because i wouldnt let them in the NICU to see her. i simply told them "im sorry but your feelings are not worth the health of my baby"

sometimes you just have to be blunt to the inlaws, it sucks. but they'll get over it

Answer 8

There's not really a nice way to say it.  His family won't be happy.

I hate confrontation, so I think I'd probably just not call them until your ready for visitors again.  Who cares if they get mad!

You should enjoy the peace and quiet at the hospital as much as you can!!  

Answer 9

Just say it. This is YOUR birth and YOUR experience. Just tell everyone that this time you want to avoid all the hoopla and relax.

If there's a problem rest assured it is *theirs* and not yours.

Tell everyone at the nurses station that you do not want any visitors.

Answer 10

aw you know ive been struggling with this for a while. my boyfriends mother made a comment about how shes going to be in the room for the delivery and i was sort of like um...becuase i dont want anyone there but the babys father. so that got me thinking well maybe we just shouldnt call them at all becuase i know if i tell her to wait in the waiting room shes going to try to come in becuase shes pushy like that. and besides i want to be able to hold my baby for a little while, without people coming in and bugging me and stealing her from me. I totally understand what you mean about the boundaries becuase she would never talk to me again if ididnt call her that i went into labor.

you just need to sit down with you, your husband (make SURE he has your back and not his mothers) and his family and tell them that you and your husband want to do things differently this time and you want it to be very peaceful and you would like to enjoy some time alone in the hospital. they will have plenty of time to come see the baby after youve had a few days of rest. its nothing against them its just your personal preference.

its tough not to hurt feelings or sound disrespectful but they need to understand  

Answer 11

I think you just explained it.  Just be honest, this is your time enjoy it.  

Answer 12

Either way, his family will be ticked off, but HEY, who cares!? This is about you, your husband, and the baby coming. Don't call anyone until after you have the baby, and actually, you can even tell the nurses you do not want any visitors allowed to come to your room. People need to respect boundaries.

Answer 13

People talk.. so what? If they didn't learn the last time, too bad for them. The first few days with your baby are so precious, but stressful. You don't need the stress they will add. I agree that you should wait to tell them, even if you were to wind up having a scheduled c-section or induction.

Answer 14

I say to enjoy your little one and let the family share in this exciting day.....then later on down the road, let them babysit all the kids and go get a room for some quiet time! After all, visiting hours are over, usually at 9 pm, and there's nothing like family, even if they are annoying...I had 14 family members and friends during my delivery, I wouldn't change that for nothing!....No need to shut everyone out!!!

Answer 15

well,i would just tell them

this is my special day and i want to enjoy it without

being stressed out and just tell them you will call them

when ur rested and settled down with everything

i just had a baby girl like 5 months ago and trust me i know

how you feel  

Answer 16

I understand where you are coming from!! When I went into labor- the very beginning of it I mean, (i was still walking around and didnt even have a room yet) my grandparents were already there in the waiting room!! It annoyed me so bad because I felt like, in a way, they were rushing me!  I know they had good intentions, but still. Anyways- Have your husband tell them. They would probably take it better from him than you. Plus- if you dont want them there- you are in complete control. It would make them mad- but you can tell the nurses that you dont want any visitors, you want to get your rest.

If your husband doesnt want to tell them- I would just politely say:

I really appreciate you all coming and seeing us with our past births, but I would really just like to rest this time. You all can come and see the baby a few days after we get home.  (Or however long you want)

Best of luck to you!

And congrats on your pregnancy!

Answer 17

i can relate to this.

but everyone knew i was in labour.(induced)

and were in and out of my room. i was so frustrated and annoyed all i did was cry because i didnt want anyone there.

i talked to the nurses and i made a plan with my dad boyfriend and sister. if i showed the the "sign" it was time for anyone and everyone in the room to leave excluding the daddy to be.

its something simple like i used the i love you sign language sign. and i also talked to the nurses. after our son was delieverd by c section we didnt call anyone. but of course word got around.

i would talk with the nurses to let them know your plans. so if anyone uninvited shows up they have say 2-5 mins visiting time. after baby is born only.

i would sit down with your husband and his family and let them aware of your plans to be very relaxed birth and post partum period. and when your ready for guest you will call them and only when called thye can come one at a time for 10 mins tops.

Answer 18

Just tell them you  will call all of them after the baby is born and you need a little peace and quiet when you are delivering the baby. The best of luck to you and the soon to be new one.

Answer 19

Just don't call anyone until the baby is born then let everyone know that you aren't feeling up to visitors right now.  I know what you mean about the visitors but only last 2 times everything was ok because it was only my family and friends that I am extremely close to that stopped by and they came the next day but this time around my boyfriends family is planning to come up to the hospital so I have already expressed the wishes to not have visitors other than my boys, my boyfriend and my mom and grandma for the first 24 hrs because you just feel so drained afterwards.  I find it rather rude that his sister would get upset like that if your mom was there, she is your mom that is different than your in laws.