Don't you find it amazing that when the shoe is on the other foot?

Question

For most of our 31 year marriage my husband was the one that members of the opposite s*x noticed. I was 150 pounds over weight and never took care of myself because I was dealing with health issues and was taking care of our two sons. Now I have lost those 150 pounds, began taking care of myself as my health issues have been healed and our sons are grown with wives. I have reinvented myself looks wise and have been told my members of the opposite s*x that I am "one hot momma". I was told by my husband for years that the unease that I was feeling when women would give him attention was "all in my head" or " didn't mean anything". Now that MEN are giving ME attention, he is all upset and having a fit. For nearly 30 years I was told to "get over it" when I tryed to talk to him about it. He liked the attention he got but he is very unhappy about the attention I am getting. Is it wrong of me to not really care if he is upset about it? I suffered under it for years... isn't turn about fair play?

What do you think?

Answer 1

Enjoy it he did.

Answer 2

I think the problem is that while your husband was essentially the same person for all those years he thought that there was no problem concerning the attention. After all, he still loved you and stayed with you through out your weight gain and medical problems. Now that you have lost the weight and "reinvented" yourself he is unsure of who you are and quite possibly feeling a little vulnerable. It is common in spouses who have a spouse that have lost a lot of weight such as you.

I suggest you go easy on him. Your new found confidence is new to him and now he is wondering if you may spread your wings and fly.

Your suffering had more to do with the way you felt about yourself than the way women looked at him. I really don't think you minded that women found him attractive, it was that you felt you were unattractive that made the pain worse. But keep in mind,,,,,your husband stayed with you through out.

I think it would be unfair for you to rub this in his face after all the  years has essentially stood by your side while you had medical problems.

Answer 3

Honey, if your attitude is "turn about is fair play," you seem like you have issues of insecurity.  I mean,why keep bringing up the fact that you lost so much weight? Why not have some class and quietly enjoy a sense of peace and happiness attained? Instead of resenting that you "suffered under it for years," why not be thankful that your husband stood by you during a time when you CLEARLY had issues when he perhaps could have left you? Try focusing on renewing and strengthening your marriage instead of dwelling on past perceived injustices.

Answer 4

You know how much it hurt when it was him getting attention, so why would you get pleasure out of making him suffer? "Turn about is fair play" doesn't work if you want to have a happy marriage. Is getting revenge really worth damaging your marriage??

Enjoy the attention, but quietly! And as far as how to act toward your husband, just "kill him with kindness." Acting like the bigger person who isn't smug about all the attention you're getting will probably make him feel worse about his prior actions than he would if you rubbed it in.

And congratulations on your weight loss!

Answer 5

Hey!  GOOD FOR YOU!

SCR*W HIM!  And if he doesn't like it. . . SCR*W HIM ANYWAY!

Answer 6

I mean i understand how you and him feel. But at the same time its nice to hear compliments from others sometimes it makes you feel good especially if for awhile you weren't so happy with how you looked. He is probably jealous of how you look. Ya know some men like when they are more attractive than there wives because it makes them feel better about there own insecurities but that is no excuse to make you feel bad for looking good. I say keep going the way you are and tell him you love him and he should be excited when guys check you out because your going home to his bed not theirs.

Answer 7

Wow! What a loving relationship you two have.  I think you deserve each other.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like it's about time he learned how you really felt all these years.  You probably already have done but explain it to him in the way you have on here.  assure him that when he ignored come-ons from other wome over the years, that's exactly your stance now - that if he was true to you then he should have nothing to worry about because you plan to follow his lead and not have your head turned by anyone else.  that should either reassure him or give him something to worry about!  

Answer 9

Congratulations & good for you!!!  I think you deserve a little attention, which is all it is.  He needs to let you feel good about yourself & yes I think it's nice that he now sees how you felt all those years!!!  Besides, you can't really help what others are saying.  Just don't rub it in too bad, you know what I mean.  Two wrongs don't make a right, but you do have the right to receive compliments!!!  :)  Way to go!!!  Wish I had your determination & willpower!!  

Answer 10

I do find that amazing.... I guess what was good for the goose isn't good for the gander here... Which isn't fair.

I know how you felt, and I for one am getting the same type of situation your having and it feels great! For one, my husband stopped paying a lot of attention to me... and now other men are noticing when I've dropped another size! They notice if my wear my hair different, etc. And all the years that we go out and these little hotties would check him out, he would just smile and tell me that it doesn't mean anything... And, I told him that it still hurt. So, now that the shoe is on the other foot, it is funny to just see them kind of squirm! LOL

Answer 11

First off let me congratulate you on the new you, that is fantastic.  You deserve all the attention that your receiving and you are a hot momma.

Tell you husband to get over his little jealousy problems, because if he does not grow up then you will take one of those younger men who appreciates all that you have been through and treats you like the beautiful lady that you are.  Good luck.

Answer 12

I would be very very sad that I had to spend 30 years of my life to someone 150 pounds overweight.

Answer 13

t*t for tat is not the way to have a healthy marriage.  You can silently enjoy the new found stares that you are now getting from men.  

Congrats on losing all that weight!  Be sure and keep it off.

Answer 14

You do have the right to be proud of yourself, YES, but could you be overdoing it?  May be your drawing attention in a negative way which makes you look not so good in your husbands eyes?

If you ever followed Oprah.............everyone seen a BAD Oprah after her weight loss.  Her weight loss, not only took away her weight, but personality too. She even turned on the over weight people, thought she was better than them.   I hope this hasn't happened to you.

Sure, let him stew awhile. :-)

Answer 15

haha i'm probably to young to know anything about this but from what you said i agree with you 100%

you deserve all the attention you're getting. you worked hard to get to where you are now right? and like you said you had to suffer and deal with when people gave ur husband extra attention. he never did anything to help you feel better when women flirted with him. so why would you? plus what could you do? if you look this great it's not like they would stop talking to you even if you ask :)

good luck!

Answer 16

LOL. It may be fun for you, but take another look at him and wonder if you actually enjoy him feeling uncomfortable. All those years he had all those girls to choose from and he stuck it out with you. In sickness and health, for better or worse. He sounds like a sweetie, I think you ought to do all you can to help him feel happy. If you're looking hotter, and he stuck with you all these years, that's his just rewards.

Oh, and congratulations on all the blessings.  

Answer 17

Put the weight back on. You should not torture your husband like this.

Answer 18

i just have one question - where did all that exscess skin go? for 150 pound there should be lots of skin. and since your sons re with wives it means u re not 20 anymore, so that skin ren't going anywhere. but it is nice to be thin anyway, i would know it  

Answer 19

Good for you in taking a healthier way of life!!  Enjoy the attention you are getting, but please don't let it go to your head and make you make a wrong decision.  About your husband........it is forever that way, it's always ok for the d**n man to do whatever he wants, but God forbid his lady gets attention.  They are all insecure.  As long as you keep it innocent, enjoy your new found life and he should be proud that you are getting attention.

Answer 20

You may be enjoying the attention you are receiving because of the low esteem you had by being overweight but there is a difference between innocent compliments and flirting.

You need to make sure that you aren’t doing something inappropriate to initiate the response from the other men. If it is innocent, he shouldn’t read into it. If you are doing something to illicit a response then you need to figure out why you need the validation from other men. You can still suffer from low self esteem with a smaller figure. Reassure your husband that he is your heart. Don’t seek outside validation, get it at home. If he inappropriately flirted with women while you were overweight then shame on him. It doesn’t make it right that you do it because you are thin now.

Answer 21

jglad to hear you have your health back! ust enjoy yourself and be happy. tell him to get over it! lifes to short