Double check my proofreading?

Question

I believe that the Internet should remain free. Free from any government, corporation, single individual or group controlling what WE can and cannot see or do on the Internet. We should have an Internet that, unfortunately, allows people to spam, but also allows people, in repressive countries like China, to see and hear anything on the Internet (whose to say that that email you get is spam or not. If it says "freedom" or "Democracy" China might mark that as "spam"). Freedom brings a breathtaking amount of innovation from people around the world. If the Internet stays free from any form of censorship, we will find that the human race will blossom into something so wonderful that our current imagination cannot grasp the possibilities. When the Internet is controlled by each single individual to freely choose what that individual would like, we will find that problems will be fixed in ways we now say are impossible. LET THE INDIVIDUAL CHOOSE!!!

Keep large organizations (this includes Governments) from dictating what we can do.

LET THE INDIVIDUAL CHOOSE!!!

Joshua Delcore

Answer 1

The only major language error you have is one of word confusion.  In your statement in parentheses, "whose" should be "who's".  "Whose" is used for ownership, as in "whose car is that?", while "who's" is a contraction for "who is".  

You might also want to reconsider your sentence "We should have an internet that, unfortunately, allows people to spam..."  This is a little confusing.  Do you really mean that the internet should contain spam?  Maybe you want to say something like:  It is unfortunate that spam exists on the internet, but its existence is a kind of freedom.  Or something like that!

My last quibble has to do with your use of CAPS!  and your use of so many exclamation marks!!!  These devices tend to be perceived by readers as either a) being hit over the head by your opinions; or b) a little juvenile.  A better choice might be to put those phrases in italics, if you feel the words alone are not enough for emphasis, and use just one exclamation mark.  Less is more.

Hope this helps.