Dr. says you can't spoil a newborn?

Question

I don't believe that at all, my 3 wk old daughter wants to be held even when she's asleep. She only sits in her bouncer or swing for like 30min. even if you are playing with her she still wants you to pick her up!! If she's fed, dried and not sleepy she will still cry until someone picks her up.. You can only sit her down for like 15 mins.

How many of you think that it is possible to spoil a newborn?

Please no immature answers this is just asking for your opinion

Answer 1

A baby at 3 weeks needs to be held a lot.  She should also sleep a lot.  If you feed her and rock her to sleep and carefully lay her down, she should sleep.  If she fusses a little, she should still go to sleep right away.

You are right, a baby that age wants held all the time when it is awake.  Just hold her, the baby time won't last long.

Answer 2

no, no, no, you absolutely can NOT spoil a newborn. they don't have wants at that age -- just needs. it's a whole new world, and she needs to learn to feel safe in it. she is telling you she needs you to provide that safety for her. the more you give her what she needs now, the sooner she will develop independence. but the first few months should be all about whatever she needs. when she is 4 months old you can begin a sleep schedule -- gently. if she still needs to be held to sleep at 6 months, then it is safe to wean her off that dependence. not before then. but very few babies still need to be held to sleep at that age (mine did -- most don't). it will get easier soon, i promise -- and the more attentive you are now, the sooner it will be. hang in there, momma.

Answer 3

Seriously??  She is only 3 weeks old!  What did you expect??  It is d**n good that she will even stay in her swing or bouncer for 30 minutes at a time!

I think you have an unrealistic idea for what parenting a newborn is.

Oh, and to answer your question, it is not possible to spoil a newborn, especially a 3 week old.

Answer 4

Holding a baby when they want/need to be held is not spoiling them - your doctor is right!

Babies NEED to feel secure. Have you tried swaddling? Wrapping snugly in a blanket may give you some relief - but maybe not. You have to realize she was inside of you for 9 mos, hearing your heartbeat, feeling your movements, this is comforting to her.

She won't need to be held as often as she grows, but if she needs it now, hold her! Newborns don't last - enjoy this time because it goes by very quickly and you cannot get it back!

Answer 5

A 3-week old wants to be held all the time because they need that sense of security, they are not "spoiled".  My son was not okay with swings or bouncers until at least a month old when he became slightly entertained by the mobiles that came with them.  Considering my 3-week old slept about 18 hours a day, and I was feeding/burping/changing him another 5 hours of the day, he was either being held or sleeping for all but 1 hour of the day!  

Answer 6

Your doctor is right. Your 3 weeks old is not spoiled, she just requires a lot more comfort and attention. Some babies are like that. It can get better moving forward, or might not change until she 1 or 2 years old. Her wanting your love and affection (translated by wanting to be held close) does not means she's spoiled. She's only 3 weeks old, she needs comfort. Give your baby what she needs. It'll pay off in the end. Best of luck to you - I know it can be hard. I am a mommy to a 4 month old that by theory should be spoiled considering the amount of attention she receives; she's a happy, independent baby.  

Answer 7

i think you can spoil her. just because she is young and wont remember this time in her past, she still has the same intentions as we do. if we want something, we will learn how to get it [[crying for babies]].

i would suggest slowly letting her cry a little longer each time.

and maybe letting her cry to sleep.

it may be h**l to listen to but she will fall asleep

Answer 8

Im a psyc major (senior : ) ) and i agree with you. I feel what you do with children from birth affect the way they are. If you hold her non stop she will want that ppl who let their babbies sleep in their beds have a harder  time getting them in their crib. I believe they can be spoiled and would let her cry if i knew she was ok and just wanted to be held. (my personal oppinion no one has to agree)

Answer 9

The doctor told me you can't spoil them until they are over three months.  Before then they just cry because they are uncomfortable.  It takes them until around that age before they start to associate you holding them when they cry.  That's when they start to use it for their advantage.  I agree.  Plus you will tell when they whine.  That means they are getting to that point.  If you want to get her to stop maybe you should talk to her.  I did that with my son.  I would just hold his hand and then talk to him to let him know I was there.  Then eventually just started talking instead of holding.  Eventually he was comfortable being alone.

Answer 10

Your three weeks old behaves pretty normal. Just think of it, only three weeks ago mommy was always there, now she has to come to terms with the concept of being alone. That's scary for a little baby.

You can't spoil your baby yet. Their little brains are not developed enough, to come up with plans like, 'I'm alright but if I cry, mommy will come'. - If baby cries, it's because she is uncomfortable.

Try swaddling her. Many babies feel much more secure wrapped tightly.

Answer 11

I do not believe you can spoil a baby by holding it all the time. I think your baby is just comfortable by being held. Its a security for her. Enjoy it because when they become teens or preteens, they tend to find that "embarrasing". (Loving on them..lol)

Answer 12

No you can not spoil a new born.  They are totally dependant on you, they don't know how to self sooth, they need you completely and totally.

A newborn baby will cry if it's hungry, wet, dirty, cold, hot, uncomfortable, in pain or if they just need a little comfort.  Meeting these needs is parenting, not spoiling.

Good luck!

Answer 13

Up until 3 weeks ago, the baby was warm, safe and secure.

Then she was born (whether it was via a section or a natural birth) - being pushed/pulled out of the only home she's known.

Now she can be cold, she can be hungry, she can be messy, she's no longer tucked away listening to your heartbeat to soothe her.

I don't believe you can spoil a newborn; they don't know anything and haven't experienced anything other than what life they knew in the womb - is it too hard to believe they're trying to adjust to life outside?

Answer 14

To me, that is like asking whether or not feeding a newborn will spoil her.......a newborn has a NEED to be held just like she has a need to be fed. The word "spoil" implies that you are going to damage her somehow if you pick her up. I would actually argue that you can damage her by repeatably not picking her up.

Is there something wrong with her wanting to be held?

Answer 15

Yes it is easy to spoil a newborn and spoiling becomes easier as they get older and have a better understanding of whats going on. I hate to admit it but I've spoiled my son into never wanting to be alone because I'm always around. When he was a baby I would lay beside him whether he was sleeping or awake and he got used to me always being in his presence and near him. I had the "new baby syndrome." Now I can't even wash dishes or cook without him going ape. I'm trying to break this habit of his but its hard. The longest I've been out of his sight without him noticing has been 10 minutes so its a process.

18 thumbs down - LMAO!!

Answer 16

I don't think you can spoil her in the sense that she's crying, yes, because she wants to be held, but it's a inborn instinct at this point for her, and not conscious manipulative behavior.  If she were older, and consciously manipulative, then perhaps spoiling would be a consideration, but not at this age.

Answer 17

I think its IMPOSSIBLE to spoil a newborn, i mean they were just in your stomach for 9 months! they have to get used to doing things on their own, of course your 3 week old wants to be held all the time!

I held my daughter alot when she was first born, but after 2 months we started putting her on her belly for tummy time (only 5 mins at a time before she started to cry)

she is the best mannered baby I've ever seen and is the most advanced in daycare! so no I dont think you can spoil a baby

Answer 18

I agree with your Dr.

It's not that she WANTS to be held, he NEEDS it, as far as she knows if you put her down she could be eaten by wolves, she doesn't know any better.

She's used to being held, for 9whole months she was rocked to sleep, she heard your breath & heartbeat so it's a sudden change for her to want her to sleep in a stiff  crib or bassinet.

This is just a phase & it will pass. For now, hold her as much as she needs. She needs you.

God Bless

Answer 19

Your doctor is right. It is scientific fact that babies NEED human contact.

It is an INSTINCTUAL NEED for babies to be held and be close to people.  Human touch is essential to their brain development.  It helps the brain build connections properly.  

A baby doesn't cry just to make your life miserable.  And they arent mentally developed enough to reason "haha, I'm going to whine and get whatever I want from mommy" when they are infants!!!

Answer 20

The definition of "spoil" is to diminish or destroy the value or quality of :

In my opinion, you can't do this to a 3 weeks old. Its just not humanly possible.

Enjoy it while it lasts, because soon she wont want to be held so much.

Answer 21

No you CANNOT spoil a newborn.  My daughter always wanted to be held at that age.  They are new to the world & their surroundings and might need extra comfort at times.  My daughter is now almost 8 months old and isn't spoiled at all from all the holding I did when she was 3-4 weeks.  She is really quite independent for her age.  Love your baby now that she's 3 weeks because once she's crawling and walking she won't want to be held at all and you'll be sad because you want to hold her.  They grow so fast.

Answer 22

     At three weeks old, there is no way your baby is acting spoiled when wanting to be held.  As her mom, I'm sure you are still exhausted from the delivery, much less from the lack of sleep since your daughter's arrival.  This of course only exaggerates the situation.  Babies can't speak so they cry when they are trying to communicate.  Hold her for now, try to be at peace with it.  At her next pediatrician's appointment, ask for advice.

Answer 23

a 3 wk old!!! it's impossible!!!

once they start understanding you (usually around 7-10 months (my brother was 7 months when they started to "discipline" him) that's when you can watch the spoiling...but at your baby's age it's IMPOSSIBLE!

i think your baby just wants to feel close to you because babies have this anxiety thing that they have. they will act spoiled for a while but once you can tell that they're kind of understanding you then you can think about that. ask your doctor about ways to get your baby from always wanting to be held.

but for now it's impossible.

Answer 24

You can spoil a baby until they are 4 months or older.  However is you hold her too much she will get used to it.  But remember to always hold your baby when feeding to prevent ear infection.  There are other ways to keep baby happy like bouncer, swing  playing with her.  My youngest is now 10 months and believe me it would be very hard to hold him all day.  I try to keep him happy in the walker, playmat, and playing with him on the floor.

Answer 25

Your doctor is right.  It is impossible to spoil a newborn.  They don't have the mental capability to manipulate you into doing what they want.  Your daughter wants to be held because she feels secure when you hold her.  I think that you should hold her as much as possible now.  When she gets older and feels more secure she won't need or want to be held as much.  She is used to being held snugly and securely in your womb.  If you don't hold her now because you are afraid of spoiling her, you will end up with an insecure child.  Babies need to be held.  Three week old babies need to be held as often as possible.  This doesn't mean you can't put her down to go to the bathroom, but at this stage in her life, she should be your top priority, so unless you are doing something that will put her in danger you should hold her if she wants you to.

Answer 26

I think it is possible for a newborn to be spoiled. I think it is very frustrating to always have to hold your child, or else they'd throw a fit. I plan on letting my child cry out their issues rather than coddling them all the time. However if they honestly need held, then by all means hold them!

But that is my personal opinion. =:)

Answer 27

You can't really spoil them as newborns; but you can when they are older.

She sounds like she just is a fussy girl right now, which is also normal.

She just needs lots of cuddles, maybe a snugli, or baby sling. Let different people hold/cuddle her = mom, dad, grands, friends, so you can take a break!

Her nervous system will mature, and she will get calmer, and soothe HERSELF.

Answer 28

I don't think  you are spoiling her.  It sounds to me like you possibly have a colic baby.  I've posted some info and reference page below.  Good Luck!

Infantile colic

Definition: Almost all babies go through a fussy period. When crying lasts for longer than about three hours a day and is not caused by a medical problem (such as a hernia or infection), it is called colic. This phenomenon occurs in almost all babies. The only thing that differs is the degree.

Symptoms: Colic frequently, but not always, begins at about the same time every day. For most infants the most intense fussiness is in the evening. The attack often begins suddenly. The legs may be drawn up and the belly distended. The hands may be clenched. The episode may last for minutes or hours. It often winds down when the baby is exhausted, or when gas or stool is passed.

In spite of apparent abdominal pain, colicky infants eat well and gain weight normally.

Answer 29

No a three week old cannot be spoiled. Imagine yourself in her position. You're 3 weeks old, everything you see or do is new and big and bright. All you really know is your mum who smells gorgeous, she's warm and she loves and feeds you.

What do you expect of a 3 week old?

I see newborns like an unwritten book. Lots of empty white pages. They know nothing. They do not understand what spoiling is. It's up to us as parents to slowly and lovingly fill all these pages with wonderful experiences and warm memories. That way your child will grow up confident and happy.

There'll be plenty of time for tough love when they are a lot older.

Btw, I think for a 3 week old, being able to sit in her swing for 1/2 hour is already very good.

And remember: crying is her only way of communiting with you at the moment. If she cries for you at this age, she obviously needs you, even if it's just for a cuddle because she might be a bit scared of thi big new world.

Congrats on your new baby girl and good luck!

Answer 30

She is not spoiled.  She is a normal newborn.

"Spoiling" means giving children things that they don't need -- especially  things that can harm them, just because they ask.  

Being held and loved and cared for is a very legitimate NEED for a 3 week old baby. You aren't 'spoiling her' by holding her any more than you are 'spoiling her' by feeding her when she's hungry or changing her when she's wet.  

Answer 31

Yes it don't take long to spoil them and yes they spoil easy and spoiled is the only way to have a child to a point with love but not things as they don't have to think they need everything in the world but i like to spoil my little girl will all the attention i can