Drinking around children?

Question

I have a 3 year old son, and I asked my parents not to drink around their grandchild because I feel it is in-appropriate for anyone to be drinking around a 3 year old. My parents say I am overreacting and that my son does not know or understand what alcohol is. But just the other day, my son walks up to me and asks if I want a beer? I tell him its nasty and only for adults. I feel that a 3 year old does not get the concept of drinking and til he does I dont want anyone drinking around him because he will want to do what adults do.

my question is, was I wrong to tell my parents not to drink around my son, no matter how little it is, or how they disquise it? or should I stick with my decision and not let my parents see my son til they follow my guidelines???

Answer 1

He is your son. You could tell them that they can't breathe around him and it wouldn't be out of line (except for your parents, orcourse, the whole no oxygen thing..) But. Tell them next time to please leave if they don't want to accept what you are asking from them. They can't tell you what you think what is right or wrong for your child to be around.

Answer 2

no, i hate alcohol and what it does to ppl especially when they get drunk as h**l. stick with that decision but if your going to do that to your parents do it to everyone else

Answer 3

I feel like you have the right to ask your parents not to do anything around your son, since he is your son.

Answer 4

Children are easily influenced..after all hes at the age when he is learning and paying more attention to his surroundings. I think you made the right decision. Even though they are his grandparents they should respect your decision as his mother

Answer 5

I wouldnt feel comfortable with them drinking while they have him. what if an emergency came up while they had him and were drinking? I dont think its out of line to ask them to not drink while hes around.

Answer 6

I think that your parents should respect your wishes.  

That said, I do think you're overreacting some.  I'm one of those one drink once-a-month when going out to dinner people.  My husband might have a beer once in awhile too.

We explain that it's not for children, that it's a drink for adults.

But the key here, is it's ONE drink, infrequently.  I don't think children should EVER see their parents drunk.  I don't care if the child is 8 weeks, 8 years or 38 years.

Answer 7

I agree and disagree.  If you were in your home then you were right anyone in your home has to follow your rules.  Now if you are asking them to do this in their home you maybe out of line.  If you know it will be a situation that alcohol will be served and you don't want to expose him to that don't put him in that environment but you can't make people stop doing things in their home.  

Now my children know mommy and daddy will have wine with dinner or daddy a beer if the game is on.  That is our choice we have never been drunk around our children or have never driven while drinking so to me as long as they know you will do child things and I will do adult things.  

Now I don't appreciate people telling me what to do I have a friend who like you will never drink in front of her child.  But she does it like I am miss perfect that is for bad people and when child is not around she is a drinking sl ut.  Well she came to my house for a fight party that she was fully aware my own children were not going to attend because the men had cigars and beer basically an adult party way pass he one or two beers my husband has watching the game.  Well she brings her child and ask my husband to lower the tv, turn off his cigar and if we can only drink in the kitchen.  I had to pull her aside because my husband is not well at being told what to do in the house he pays the mortgage by someone who does not live in the house.  So I felt bad but I had to ask her to leave because if she had no sitter she just missed out because i made it very clear this was an adult only party and if my own kids were not allowed no one elses were.  She has not spoken to me since and it has been several months.  

So if you want to make the rules make sure visits are in your home.  Because that is the only place you control

Hope everything is goes well with your parents.

Answer 8

You are his parent and entitled to raise him in whatever manner you choose as long as you are not abusing him.  Making a request like that of your parents is fine.  If they don't like it then they should NEVER be unsupervised with him.  I think you are right.  It desensitizes a child to the idea of alcohol if people drink around him at a young age.  You are totally within your rights to ask them not to drink around them,

Answer 9

Are your parents getting drunk around your child or just socially drinking? Is it affecting their personalities or their actions?

Answer 10

I think you are doing the right decision by not drinking in front of your son. If children see their elders drinking, they will think its right(no matter how young the child may be).

I would ask them to please not drink in front of him anymore, but I wouldn't punish your son by not letting them see their grandparents. Hope this helps! :)

Answer 11

I have the same exact situation. I wont let my step dad around my son because he's always drinking! He'll put the bottle aside and get to see him once in a while, and it seems each time he begins to realize whats more important in his life. It's not wrong to not want that around a child. I grew up around that, I remember. It definately messes with you. Stick with your morals! I'm doing it and like i said, it works and it honestly helps.

Answer 12

Yes, you were wrong. If you feel that way then you will more than likely not be going to any social functions, restaurants, or any other place that may serve alcohol with your child either because after all people will be drinking. That is completely ridiculous.

If they drink to the point of falling down drunk or get really mean when they drink then you would be okay to ask them to tone it down when ever your son was around. But to tell them not to drink at all and if they do they won't see their grandson. That is a cold thing to do. I grew up with people drinking around me and I hardly ever drink, maybe once in a while I have drink when I am out with friends. My boys 10 & 12 years old have been around people drinking all of their lives and are just fine.

You are overreacting and this over reaction will affect not just your relationship with your parents but your sons relationship with his grandparents. Do you really want to have your son look back and say to you, "Why, mom wasn't I allowed to be around grandma and grandpa" for you to tell him because they had a few drinks in front of you and I didn't like it. There are worse things in this world to worry about.

Answer 13

no you weren't but if they aren't getting drunk and just throwing back a few, there's nothing wrong with it. my cousin used to get drunk and high all the time around her daughter who is 3. she has been taught that she can't do that stuff and doesn't even say anything about it or anything. i often drink around my own son, and there are no problems.

Answer 14

If the adults are intoxicated, its totally inappropriate and awkward for the child. If the grown-ups are just having a beer or some wine with dinner, then it is acceptable.

Drunken relatives can un-nerve a child and be generally unsetteling. Children know something is strange about the grown-up and may have trouble adjusting. I know I avoided my uncles at family events if they had one beer too many for me as a kid. Adults that are tipsy can weird a child out, so that sort of thing is not appropriate.

On the other hand if the drinks are just being had for the enjoyment of them, like a scotch in the evening or a beer by the tv, it is not a big deal. Your son will have the opportunity to observe adults behaving in a responsible way around alcohol. One glass, just because they like it. Which is a MUCH healthier picture than they may get as they grow older and see friends drinking just to become stupified.

Allowing your son to observe responsible adult drinking behavior may help him make better choices later in life. He may grow up with no illusions of drinking being "the cool thing" because it was just part of adult activity.

As for keeping the alcohol out of his hands, just tell him it's for grownups, keep an eye on your cups, and store the bottles out of reach. The less of a big deal you make about alcohol in general, the less interesting it will be for him.

My parents took the approach of allowing me a sip of whatever they were drinking. They enjoy scotch, bourbon, strong wines, and the occasional beer. So to my child's palate, alcohol was absolutely disgusting and stank from across the room. It certainly kept me much more interested in soda.

Answer 15

it depends. My husband and I dont like bringing our 2 children around adults who are drinking but sometimes you cant control the situation. I find it in-appropriate as well. if we can't find a sitter, we skip invites to social gathering such as big bbq's where we know there will be adults heavily drinking. but other than that, if we are at a childs birthday party and their are adults drinking, there's not much we can do because we can only control our actions

In your case, if your at your parents home, you can ask them not to drink in his presence, or just not visit when you know they will be drinking because it is their home. if it were in your home, its your rules.

Answer 16

I think you overreacted. They probably drank around you too when you were a child and are you a bad person now?

It all depends on how much they drunk. Of course its unacceptable if they are drunk around your son or in a buzz but having a drink cant hurt. Better to teach him about alcohol and what it can do to you instead of ignoring it all together.

Answer 17

I agree with your parents, but I think they should respect your wished whatever they may be. Frankly, exposing your child to other people drinking is the only way he will learn and understand that its adults only, and gross. Let him smell it, he will stay away for a very long time. Bottom line: the bigger deal you make of it, the more curious he will be.

Answer 18

personally, I do drink occasionally around my kids. and so did my husband until he quit drinking for medical reasons. From the time my 12 year old  was old enough to talk we taught him that what we were drinking was a "mommy and daddy drink" and only for grown-ups. We never drank more than about 2 beers or coolers at a time. we never drink to excess. I personally don't want my stubborn 2 year old to  demand a taste, so I wait until he is asleep to indulge.

Answer 19

Personally I drink around my kids. I don't drink alot and so I think that it is good that they see that all things are in moderation. However I don't feel that you are wrong and I think that your wishes should be respected. I think that they were nasty to make you feel ashamed and bounce it back on you that YOU are being over sensitive. It was THEM that did want to repsect your wishes. They should have respectfully agreed and left it at that. It is your child and no-one should make you feel 'silly' for your concerns. That is just rude. You sound like a very caring mother.,... I would tell them that they had their turn to parent and now it is your turn and you prefer to do it your way, without negative feedback from those that should support you.

Answer 20

You should do whatever you feel is right for you and your family.  But personally, I think you are over reacting.  You should take the opportunity to tell your child that some things adults do can harm their health and that if children do the same it can make them very sick.  I don't think there is anything wrong with having a drink.  Now if they are getting tipsy, they certainly shouldn't be left to watch your child.  But if you are around and they are having one drink, I don't think its going to harm anyone.  It will just present you with an opportunity to have discussions that you should be having anyway.  Don't act like alcohol doesn't exist.  Or any other vice for that matter.  Educate the kids at age appropriate intervals.  The lesson you should stress is that beer is not for any child.  It tastes bad and makes people sick.  I recall my grandmother letting me have a sip of champagne as a child and someone else a sip of beer.  Those two tastes cured me of any desire to try it again prior to adulthood.

Answer 21

To me I fill that is one you need to answer your self. However, when I was three my parents had parties and I knew what they did was wrong. Though my father taught me to git things for the 'grown ups'. Beer, buckets, paper towels etc. I personally think it did no harm to me because no matter what my dad never let me drink. If your parents don't let him drink I see no harm in it.

Answer 22

Let me answer your question in a way that might help.  I'm 47 years old.  My brother is 51 and on his third wife, much younger than he.  Together they have a boy, now 7 years old and a daughter who is 3 years old.  I drink beer.  My brother and his wife do not want me around their kids if I'm drinking.  They are hard-core on this issue.  Well, we have barely spoken in the past seven years and I barely know my nephew and niece.  It bothers me, but they are the parents.  So, who is the real loser on this issue?  I'm not for sure.

Answer 23

NO! You are way out of line! Obviously your parents have alot my experience in this department than you! So if they say that it is unreasonable, it is unreasonable. Maybe you should be having this discussion with them instead of some online answer thing!

If you try to make a fake world where theres is no alcohol because its bad, you are dreaming. You should be allowing you three year old sips. Its good for there immune systems, kills the bad antibodies!

Alcohol is an integral part of our society, if you pretend its not there, if you pretend its bad. Your son will have some problems later on in life when he realizes its good in moderation!

Answer 24

i think you were right, my parents never drank around me and i don't drink either and my parents were kinda strict about what they let me around and i have never drank. once i smoked when i was seven but then my parents smoke so yeah and my aunt was the one who gave me the thing but no i think you are doing the right thing as a parent.

Answer 25

Stick to your decision.  Your his Mom, not them.  YOU make the rules for your kid.  Although if you were visiting and there were other people around, explain to your son that it's an adult drink and bring something special for him.

Answer 26

You are overreacting. My parents + my grandparents drank around me ever since i could remmeber and i turned out fine.

Answer 27

I think having a beer or two is fine.....or a glass of wine.

Getting drunk is wrong and shouldn't be allowed around the children.

Answer 28

Hi,

    No, I do not think it is wrong to ask your parents to not drink around your son. If they value time with their grandson, they should do whatever you want them to do.

    Of course this does depend on the level of drinking too.

    If they are babysitting him, then absolutely not. No alcohol or no grandchild visit.

    If you are having a BBQ and they chose to have a drink or 2, that is not so bad, since you are there too.

I actually had to address this issue (maybe not the same as yours though)

My husband liked to drink whiskey on Xmas eve. This is just something he wanted to do.

(I respect his choices and his freedom. I don't consider him an alcoholic or anything.)

So our kids are opening their gifts and hug us etc.

SO what I ended up asking him is "Do you want our kid's memories of Christmas Eve to be of you smelling like alcohol?"

That straightened him right up....

Maybe you could try that line too?

"Do you want your grandson's memories of you, his grandparents, as smelling like alcohol?"



Wish you the best of luck!