Dropping out of wedding and im the maid of honor

Question

i was asked to be moh in my best friend of 18 years wedding she lives in edmonton me in toronto and the wedding is in london ontario she is getting married in a month and 2 months ago called me and asked me to throw her a bridal shower at her moms i would need to do the games find deco and prizes and send out invites she sent me a list of the people she wanted to have invited and her mom added a couple i was to do all this while i was about to have my babyand i did but twop weeks before the bridal shower they started calling me saying some people didnt get thier invites i informed her and her mom they were all sent at the same time to the people i was told to send them 2. i drove down to london (3 and a half hours) got a hotel for me and my 2 children and waited to here from her I DIDNT until the next day the day of the shower she wanted to let me know that they had deco (that i had spent almost $100 on) and told me i hadnt communicated enough with her mom and she was worried that i didnt pick some up then at the dress fitting before the shower my dress didnt fit my bust area (due to having a baby a month ago and still breast feeding i infored the lady that i was planning on stopping soon and she said no good that i would have to buy the floor model dress it was the only one they could get that fast then asked the bride if the rest of the girls in her party were skinny she in turn said YES.......i then dropped her off at her moms and cried the whole way back to the hotel were i then after just spending an hour with her felt like trailer park trash ( which im not) and found out that she had reserved 10 rooms a t a local hotel for wedding guest now in my opinion she knows that im coming from out of town and am her moh and supposidily her bf wouldnt i be one of the first people you tell NO she didnt she told me but only to tell me how quick all the rooms went..................I didnt go to the bridal shower i told her my son was feeling sick i feel heart broken and like im more of an acuaintance then a friend only asked out of obligation I DONT want to be anypart of this wedding is that wrong

Answer 1

if you cant be there to support her int he way you feel you should then it would be better not being there!  she seems more wrapped up in her own wedding then checking in with you!

Answer 2

Tell her you don't want to be in the wedding.  You shouldn't have said yes to being the maid of honor if you don't have the time or money.  Planning and hosting a bridal shower is the responsibility of the maid of honor.  She will probably be relieved that you don't want to be in the wedding especially since it doesn't seem like you've done anything but complain...and you didn't even go to her shower.  I'm sure she's very hurt but one of her better friends can take your spot!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Sounds like her mother just took over and bridezilla is just letting her.

I would write her a letter, explaining how you feel and why and decline to be her MOH because, you feel that you are not in her league and frankly cannot afford her wedding.  She has been the height of inconsideration to you and you are supposed to be best friends.  Be brutally honest in how you feel.  

I would not worry about her feelings (as she hasn't worried about yours)

and when she calls in a tirade about short notice, just hang up on her.

Answer 4

You're not wrong to feel this way.

She sounds like a little bridezilla who wants everything her way and doesn't want much to do with anything other than boss around.

Yet, question to ask yourself is this: has she always been like this? Or did this all start when the whole wedding planning started? How good of friends are you two really?

If she's always been like this, then reconsider the friendship. However if you choose to end the friendship or drop out of her wedding, then tell her why. She should know.

If she's not always like this, then talk to her. Tell her how you feel and how cooperative you've tried to be considering everything and how you feel like a bad maid at most.

Either way, definitely consider your friendship. Does it run deep or has it just dragged on for years and years because of a highschool/college friendship that began decades ago. Do you two actually have anything in common now or is it all based on "remember when".

Wish you all the best.

Answer 5

Your only mistake was to continue to be the MOH while being very, very pregnant. You should have dropped out the minute you knew you were expecting.

That said, no, you’re not wrong. Just have bad timing.

I’d go ahead and be honest with them and tell you that this has been extremely stressful on you and your new baby, not to mention your other children, and that you are just too exhausted and ill to be able to contribute to her perfect day.

Then stick to that story.

Answer 6

i dont think you're wrong at all if she treated you that way she should be ashamed

Answer 7

Before just dropping out of the wedding, I think you should tell her how you feel.  Tell her how her treatment of you has made you feel.  Let her know that you want to be a part of her special day cuz you're best friends, but you didnt expect to be treated like this - like trailer trash.  If she can't understand you (as you tell her from your heart without being nasty or fussing at her), then maybe it would be best for you to just not be in it.  You would be doing yourself a disservice by trying to be there for her when you dont feel like your b/f is appreciating anything that you've done.

Answer 8

now lets think. if you were getting married and your MOH dropped out on you at the last minuted, you would be so mad. don't put her through that. it is not worth it. just go through with it and put a smile on your face. it will be ok.

Answer 9

That's not wrong of you to feel the way you do.

Answer 10

I don t think its wrong at all, the bride seem a little self centered and doesn t seem to appreciate the things that you have done for her. IThink your better off telling her how you feel, I think it was rude of the bride not to give you enough information on the details of the wedding..

Answer 11

Some very normally nice people do Bridezilla over their weddings.  Do you have a room for the wedding?  If not, throw that back in her lap...."Where am I staying?"  That is the Bride's responsiblity.  

You guys need some serious girl talking time.  Invite her to your hotel room before you leave and settle this.  Let her know how your feeling. You  just had a baby, does she consider this at all?  If not, bow out, she's not really a friend!

Answer 12

It always amazes me when brides treat their attendants, who are supposed to be good friends, in this manner. You are supposed to be her best friend - not a slave. I knew that my MOH and bridesmaid were on a tight budget. I told them that they didn't even have to throw me a shower because I certainly didn't want to break the bank for something like that. Of course, being the wonderful friends that they are, they throw me a shower with what they had and it was beautiful!

If I were you I would give her a call. Tell her that you are sorry, but because of the way that you have been treated you do not feel you can stand up and be the MOH at her wedding. Say that you are sorry for the short notice, but maybe if she would have been a little more respectful and grateful you wouldn't have minded going out of the way.

Just take your money and put it towards your children instead of gas, hotel, dress, etc. Sounds like she isn't very grateful - and it's to bad because she will figure out that there is life after the wedding.

Just focus on your children right now. They need you more than she does.

Good luck - and I'm sorry for all the stress it has caused you. Hopefully you will feel better once you talk with her and let her know what is going on.

Answer 13

If you two are really that close that she would ask you to be the MOH, then you need to talk to her and let her know how you are feeling. Maybe some of the other bridesmaids could pitch in and do a few things, sounds like they could do something. Remember, you are both under a lot of stress right now. You from having a baby, and her for getting married. Talk about it first, then decide.

Good luck.  

Answer 14

I think this bride and so called friend has acted terribly.  If it is making you this upset I would tell her that I cannot be in her wedding.  Do it now so she has time but it doesn't sound like she is gonna miss you all that much.  You don't need people like this in your life, its too short and you have you baby.