Dutch couple return adopted Korean daughter?

Question

After having two of their own children, a dutch couple returned their 7 year old adopted Korean daughter, whom they raised since she was 4 mos old. Cruel and heartless or just plain old tacky?

Answer 1

Adoption has ouched my heart. And more than ouched this little girls heart. What sort of message is this to send a child? We don't need you anymore we gots our own "Real BabY" Sickening isn't it?

Yeah Forever Family my A S S!

Answer 2

This is such a sad story.

If there were better training of PAP's - this type of thing shouldn't happen.

Adopted children will be different to bio children. That has to be accepted - or of course there will be problems.

Adoption should not be about pretending that someone else's child is your own bio child.

Adoption SHOULD be about caring and loving a child that comes from another family - and should be embraced for who they are - not who you want them to be.

I hope they find a family that loves her for her.

Answer 3

Cruel and heartless.   Children are not puppies that grew into inconvenient dogs.   Taking a child on as a responsibility means you are making a commitment of around 18 years.   These people should be charged with child abandonment and their own children should be taken away from them as they have shown they are unfit parents.

Answer 4

I think it is a horribly sad situation for this little girl. I asked about it a few days ago:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

But as sad as it is, I think this girl has got to be better off with any other family than this one. Apparently after first claiming that the girl had "culture shock" and could not adapt to Dutch food (Hello?! she was with them from the time she was 4 months old until she was 7, THEY were the ones responsible for her taste in food, for heaven's sake!), they now say that she has attachment disorder and after a lot of therapy they decided they could not keep her.

Well, I don't doubt she had attachment disorder. In an interview in the Dutch press, a former nanny/babysitter who took care of the child for many months felt that the child was not treated the same as the birth children of the couple, and that the mother did not act like a mother to her.  (See link below) Another caregiver (or possibly the same one) says:

"'She was rarely in her mother's arms and always in the care of someone else....They did not treat her the same way as the son. There was not the love there,' the maid told The Post."

Other indications that the lack of attachment was caused by the actions of the adoptive family are that they neglected to ever naturalize her as a Dutch citizen, so that she in fact has no firm right to live in ANY country!, and that online mentions of diplomatic parties held at the family home mention other family children, but not this little girl. And reports are that she speak Cantonese and English, but only "some Dutch" -- what the heck? (see the first link below).

But even though I believe the problems in attachment were caused directly by the parents, the fact remains that this little girl is better off without these so-called parents. They clearly do not want her and did not treat her as their own, so it is much better for the girl that she have another family. The big problem with that is that they have left her without a valid citizenship in any country. It is possible (reports are unclear) that she still has a right to live in Korea, but she does not speak any Korean, so that would be hard on her, and this is a child that does not need more hard breaks.

I think the best solution at this time, and the one that reports are is being pursued seems to be that the child be adopted by a Korean family living in Hong Kong (where the child and her Dutch "family" has been living for several years). I hope all the controversy over this story makes this possible for this little girl. I hope she ends up in a wonderful family who will connect her with her Korean roots while letting her live in a country and culture and language that she knows, who have a thorough understanding of attachment disorder and PTSD and a willingness to go through the hard work that helping this little girl will entail, and most importantly will love her enough to stick with her through thick and thin (and I suspect the going will be rather thick for quite some time with all this girl has been through).

See this blog from a member of an international organization of adult adoptees from Korea. I think she has some very good questions. Also I believe that adult adoptees from Korea are the best "experts" we've got on this situation.

http://weallcomefromseoul.blogspot.com/2...

Answer 5

Guess they signed a lease. Personally I bought the farm with mine, signed the buyer's commitment when I signed the live birth registration form. Maybe an adoption is different in terms of permanence, in their eyes, than giving birth.

It is cold and cruel along with being tacky. So if one of my children develop problems later in life am I allowed to return them? Will I get a refund? Perhaps the stretch marks will be taken back or I can get my innards readjusted?

Answer 6

These people are despicable.  They claim that the girl has attachment issues, but upon examination, she appears to not have any problems.  I expect this will speed up Korea's plans to shut down international adoption.

The "father" should be stripped of his title of diplomat, he does not deserve it.  He and his wife, "Cruella", should also be responsible for this child's "maintenance" until she completes college.  I pray that they find a warm, and happy home for her in her native country.

Answer 7

Cruel and heartless.  Adoption and parenting are committments.  I find it hard to believe that she didn't bond with them.  I think its more that they didn't bond or want to bond with her once their children were born.

Answer 8

That breaks my heart. It is tacky, but I think more than that it is cruel, heartless, selfish and horrible.

Answer 9

Oh lovely, yet another 'oh, we're not infertile after all - send the adopted kid back! surplus to requirements!'  Sickos

Forever Families, my ***!!!!!!

Answer 10

That is just WRONG. That child is going to be scarrred for life. They don't deserve to have ANY kids.

Answer 11

Cruel and heartless.  They vowed to take care of this little girl and love her.  What was the reason they returned her?  Do they realize this is not an ugly sweater that can be returned and the money refunded if they don't like it.  Parents like this should not be able to have kids at all.

Answer 12

I think this has to be one of the most cruel things that I have ever heard.  The child has to deal with more loss and rejection.  Why did they adopt in the first place?

Answer 13

how can you just return a child. if they adopted her then she is their child right?

Answer 14

All of the above.

Answer 15

There are several links with articles about this story on this adoptee blog--scroll down to the second story about 'monsters' to see their picture, too.

http://ungratefullittlebastard.blogspot....

Answer 16

no way, that should be illegal.  By adopting her they promised they would care for her.

Answer 17

If adoption is the most wonderful thing you can do for a child, what is returning her 7 years later?

The second most wonderful thing?

I bet this little girl is SOOOO grateful for her "forever" family!!!

Answer 18

As an adoptive parent of 2 daughters from China, this tears out my heart. I can not imagine for one millisecond returning my children.

My youngest had attachment and abandonment issues, and they came in rages, but I loved her through them.

I just feel so bad for that little girl. She will need a special family to break through the damage that couple caused her.

Answer 19

1.  I don't know where you got this story.  It may not be true.

2.  Cruel & heartless, absolutely, UNLESS the biological parents wanted the child back or the papers weren't in order so that there was nothing the adoptive parents could do.

3.  Find her, bring her to me, and I'll love her till the end of my days.

TX Mom