Dying from lukiemia, but friends are treating me different?

Question

as some people have already responded to previous questions, i have terminal lukiemia, and it will end up killing me in about 5 months now. im not looking for pity or conforting, but i don't know how to deal with my friends

i told my friends and they are treating me like i am going to pass out on them at any minute. they are afraid to do anything with me because they think that it will take the time away that i have with them. they don't think that i should do anything physical at all, and it is getting to the point where it is really bad and they think that walking around the mall for 2 hours is too much. i still want to be able to act normally with my friends, and no matter how i try to explain that i can still do stuff like that, they think that im just toughing through it. most of them have researched it, and it says that im supposed to be in alot of pain, but im not yet, and i want to spend the time that im not in pain with them like we used to.

my boyfriend is the being weird about it too. he is acting like a slave to me, and i don't want him to think that i need that. he is acting like i should be treated like a queen, and he is spending a lot of money on me taking me places that he thinks that i should have before i go. how i am supposed to deal with my friends changing attitudes? i know that they are concerned, but i want to be able to hang out with them the same way that i used to, because they are not even acting like themselves anymore. help!

Answer 1

have you voiced your opinion to your friends? tell them exactly how you feel.tell them it'd make you so happy if everyone would just act how they always do.good luck.

Answer 2

Explain to them in person if you can, tell them that you're able to have fun because you're not experiencing the pain that they have read about! Tell them that you'll appreciate if they stop acting that way with you. The thing with your boyfriend, let him do what he wants for you ok. That is his way of showing you how much he cares and he wants to make sure you're happy ok!

Answer 3

I have a dear friend who is dying as well from cancer and he only has weeks left it is a hard thing to go thru and I as a friend do not know how to act. what is normal? when someone you love is dying. I'm sorry you have leukemia I hope you just love them for them and understand how hard it will be without you. Love makes us do strange things but someone you love dying makes us do even stranger things.  

Answer 4

If you are really going to die in 5 months and I knew you I would act the same way. Talk to then and explain that they need not react like that. It shows they really care for you.  

Wish I could say the same for myself.

I will pray for you.  

Answer 5

well its a pretty big thing with you and leukimia- they're worried about you, definetly, afraid you'll sollapse and die right at the spot. Theres not much you can do except for telling them.

I guess they're just being human, and its just human for them to care about, thats what so sad when you have a terminal disease. You realise a whole bunch of corny c**p that you would never have seen before.

Just tell them (your friends) to relax, and tell them exactly how you feel, and leave nothing out.

prove to them you can do things that they dont think you can do!

Answer 6

I'm so sorry. Please live your life to the fullest.

Answer 7

I am so sorry about your situation.  I have lost a lot of loved ones to cancer.  I have also seen those whose remission was nothing short of a miracle.  You may have seen the wonderful and moving testimony of life recorded  by a professor when he knew he was going to pass.  I believe it is called The last Lecture.

I have a friend who wants very much to share some insight with you.  She is mature and caring and would like to open a window of communication.  You will get a response from her tomorrow, I believe.

Please just hang in for another day.  She is pretty bright.

As to your friends...It seems that that they really love you.  No one knows how to behave when these things transpire.  Don't feel awkward because the outpouring of love is done in an obvious manner.  

The truth is when we fear the possible loss of a loved one we really mourn for the light and joy that could be taken from our own lives.  Often, it is unimaginable that our existence might have to continue without someone so special.  I am sure that your boyfriend is just doing his best.

Please cherish those who love you.  Have faith in the fact that you are here now and you never know...you may be around longer than you think.  If I were you I wouldn't cash in those IRA or 401Ks just yet.

Walter

Answer 8

TELL THEM ALL OF THIS!!!

IT WILL HELP THEM REALIZE THAT WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS WRONG.

Answer 9

Hmmmm This is a tough question.... Maybe sometimes you can hang with them and sometimes you can hang with a completely different group of people. Some that don't know about your Leukemia. Try a different group each time like from a church or from a random club. I think hanging with some people who don't know you would be good, for feeling normal. They don't know you thus they can't treat you any differently than anyone else.

Don't hang with them too often because you still want to hang with your normal friends. I think also just really tell your friends how you feel. Scream it in their face if you have to. If they still don't change at least you have them with you.

~Houston

Hope I helped!

      

Answer 10

if i was one of your good friends like they are to you, i'd want to spend every minute of my life with you.

i think, about the boyfriend thing, that he just wants you to have good things before the time comes. he wants to treat you good and buy you a lot of nice stuff to show you that he cares for you.

just sit down and talk to your friends about how you feel about the way they've been treating you. this is what i would do. just say, "you know, i really wanna spend a lot of time with you guys before i die. i want these last moments with my friends to be special." and if they're your real friends, they'd understand and comfort you and be there with you.

best of luck<3

Answer 11

aww im very sorry to hear this...

I know it is very hard and it must be very unbearable..

It just shows how much they really care for you..how much it hurts them that you arent gonna be there with them as long as they planned to have..that they wanna do everything for you before you move on and make sure they dont cut the time that you have and let you stay with them as long as possible

but maybe you should talk to them about it..let them hear you out..explain how you feel about them acting like this..

im sure that they will understand...just keep trying and be strong

Answer 12

Dear friends,

  I am sure you know that my time with you is limited. However, you must understand that everyone is going to die sometime. I just happen to be a little more aware of when than anyone else. I don't want to live like I am dying. I want to LIVE. I know that you are afraid that anything I do might shorten our time together but I don't want to have more time if I am not allowed to enjoy it without having to remember I am dying all the time. When you baby me or treat me differently, it makes me have to remember that I will not be here in a short time.

I know you have done research on this illness I have, but I am not a textbook. I am a human. I can tell you if I am not doing well. I also can't be grouped into what is normal because every human is different and each experience is going to be different. I care very much for you and I want to have fun and enjoy the times that I am not feeling sick. Please love me enough to let me live like I am not dying.

  I am not feeling bad at this time and I really want to do the normal things I used to do. I am not putting on a strong front, I really want to enjoy life with you the way we used to. I promise you, if I am feeling ill, I will let you know. When I sign this letter it is a binding contract that I will tell you if I am not feeling well or am not able to do something. I would also like for you to take the time to sign this and return it to me with the understanding that you will not treat me any different than when I wasn't sick.

You are wonderful friends and I know that you think that if I rest, I will somehow stay here longer, but it just isn't true. I love hanging out with you and I just want to be normal. I hope you can understand that. I want to have more memories with you that don't involve me being sick. Please, give me that time and those memories.

Love,

* your name here*

EDIT:

Cut and paste this letter making any changes you need and print it out. Sign it and give it to your friends. Remember this is a binding contract. :-) You have to tell them if you are not feeling well and you need to point out to them when they are "Doing it again".

  Sometimes seeing things in written form where they can review it a few times helps to settle it in their minds. Also, when they return it with their signature (Each having their own to sign) you can then connect a thank you note to it so that it can be given to them after you are gone. Leave the letters in the care of your parents or guardians and ask them to give it to each friend after you are gone. I know it is hard but it will mean a LOT to your friends to have this letter and a personal note from you.

Now on to the business of dying. You should live like you are ill but not like you are dying. Miracles do happen. I was wondering if a bone marrow transplant would help. I would be willing to go and have myself checked to see if I am a match if this is even an option for you. My husbands best friend died of breast cancer a few years ago and she lived 5 years longer than she was told by the doctors she would live. (She was given 6 months but lived 5 1/2 years!) So just because your doctors have given you such a short time does not mean that you will die in that amount of time. My boyfriend in High school had leukemia when he was little and his went into remission with prayer. I can not promise you a miracle but prayers do help sometimes.Continue to look for ways to beat this thing, it does happen.

Jeni

Answer 13

It might be interesting to be a queen for 5 months! First tell them how you feel, and then enjoy the things they wish to give you because their gifts show how much they love you.

You can exercise and do things as much as possible with the ones who will join you and you can do them alone too. But please allow your loved ones the chance to show you how much they care. It is your gift to them.

Answer 14

you need to confront all of them and tell them how you really feel. also, you should should them this video from Oprah:

"Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture" (WORTH watching it)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BODHsU3hD...

i think watching that video, they will understand how you're feeling, living life to the fullest ! good luck :)

Answer 15

Sit them all down and explain to them what is happening to you and what you want from them...I mean EXACTLY what you want from them.

Most people have never been around anyone who is sick or dying. They have no clue how to act so they turn to the internet for answers and they look up your illness and then they think they are doing the right thing.

Tell them you understand that they don't know what to do....tell them to stop researching your illness and to just see you...right here and now. Be blunt with them. Let them know you don't want to die with your friends acting different and treating you like you're going to break. You want to spend time with all of them...and that you want to have fun...no more "oh you should be in pain" or "you can't push yourself like this". Tell them that heck yes you want to do whatever it is you want! You don't want to slow down just because someone thinks you should. Living life to the fullest...this is what you want.

They may cry with you about it and really have a hard time with this. Just talk to them...not casually but seriously....sit them down and tell them this means alot to you and they need to listen to what you have to say.

Hang in there and good luck to you.  

Answer 16

just tell them as they do those dumb things let them know but the BF stuff i think you should just enjoy some of that pampering from him

Answer 17

Wow no offense but they aren't treating you that great...

In my opinion if you want to make these few months count you should really scream it out to your friends and boyfriend that your fine and you can walk to the mall and do any other activity...

Maybe you should be a bit aggressive when it comes to them so that they will listen.  Tell them to skip the sympathy c**p and just let it be.

Good Luck with that:)

Answer 18

get them all in the same room with you and explain how important it is for you to have fun with everyone before you cant do anything. Tell them the reality is that there will plenty of time later to make a fuss if it makes them feel better but for now you just want to live.

Answer 19

Just tell them how you feel,if theyre good friends they'll listen and change.

Answer 20

This is such an unfortunate situation. As you are aware, your friends and your boyfriend are just trying to make your last months as comfortable as possible. I think the best way to let them know what you want is to sit down with them and have a talk about it or write them a letter. When it's just in general conversation, they won't take it seriously.

You should really say something now before you get too frustrated and snap at them, which will be upsetting for all of you.

I hope your last months are the happiest ones you will have. Good luck.

Answer 21

they don't really know  how to act around you - they are afraid, they don't want to accidentally cause you physical or emotional harm.

My best advice is for you to call them when you want to so something ,

"I'm going to the mall this afternoon.Want to come?"

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they have no idea where you are in the disease. It will help a bit if you tell them.    otherwise, they are operating on the general info from the web.

Answer 22

just tell them that theres nothing they can do to stop it and you guys should just have the most exciting time you can hve