EASY 10 POINTS! OPEN! Savannah story redone! just be honest and say how it is!?

Question

A dark day in the fourteen hundreds. Savannah ran to the castle gates. She wrapped herself tighter in her threadbare coat. The wind and rain held her back. "tis thy cursed villagers who run me out of thy town," she said in a hollow whisper. She ran for five hours, until she reached a tame forest. She rested her head in a bed of daisies. Dawn came much to early. In King Amos' castle, "Wake up thy fool!" the kings advisor said, "you let thy brutal witch Savannah Nott escape. The king will not punish you for thy is feeling kind." The guard was shaken awake. He was worried and scared. "I say that thy king should send soldiers to capture Savannah! Tell the king at once!" The guard said. Savannah, who was sweet and innocent opened her eyes and saw soldiers running at her. She ran until night, when she lay down on the cold, hard ground. The innocent 13 year old girl froze to death in the night.

Answer 1

Fairly decent. Check your grammer and make sure to start a new paragraph after every time a new person speaks. Beyond that I would say it was a little fat. Perhaps, add some more backstory to it and flesh out the parts where she is running. Also replace this part "She ran for five hours" with a more vague amount of time. Perhaps say, "she ran for what semed like several hours before reaching a tamed forest." Also describe your characters and setting.

Answer 2

I thought it was interesting. Can't think of the style of storytelling, but it was quick, concise and held my interest. Make sure to proof it though before it's final publishing. I know you're using the older text of speech, but some of the grammar seems out of place. Maybe talk to a grammar student or someone that knows this type of material.