EFFECTIVE discipline for a 4 year old?

Question

Terrible Mess - he's already taking a karate class, and is very good at it. he behaves extra-well there, then gets angry and mean before we even get him home again.

Answer 1

Nanny 911 or Super Nanny, that is pretty bad

Answer 2

Ugh, what a pain. I'm right there with you- my 4.5 year old goes through spurts like this too, and it is so, so aggravating.

I think really the best thing is to keep being consistent and tough it out. We do one warning, then a consequence, usually going to the corner or to his room. Once he's calmed down, he can come out and we talk about it.

Some days it feels like it's just a continuous cycle, but I think they have to test limits and see that they can always count on us.

Finally, maybe make sure he is getting enough exercise. My boys need at least four or five hours of active play, preferably outside, to keep them sweet.  

Answer 3

maybe it is his schooling, does he go to pre school or pre k, my bestfriend was having problems with her child, hitting biting and talking back and she changed his school and o what a diffrence.

Answer 4

my four year old also goes through these spurts of extra bad behaviour. all we can do is wait for them to pass, while letting them know that its not ok. the last time it last for 2 months, she was bad for me, and her preschool teachers. time outs work pretty well, but as you know its not a cure all. just wait pretty soon he'll be back to normal. although now you have to worry about the next time he's gonna decide to be a snot.  

Answer 5

there has to be SOMETHING that he has and values so much that you can take away as a punishment?  Videos? Games? Time outside? Your attention (to a degree)? I know the experts say positive reinforcement but with a child this aggressive I think consequences will speak louder.  I would try harder to find an effective punishment, get him where it really hurts if you know what I mean. What has caused the change is he is probably bored and uncomfortable that he's gone from a structured environment like school to being home where the day is totally different. How about a karate class- to get rid of the energy and give him something to focus on? Also, what about his diet? Could anything be triggering this- too much sugar or low blood sugar?  Lastly, give supplements with DHA a shot. It can't hurt. And they can work wonders in some of the most hyper kids.

Answer 6

Dear Trisha,

When my son has temper tantrums, (they are very rare, but they do happen) I put him in his room, and tell him that he can come back out when he is ready to talk to his mother and to me as a mature boy, and not as a baby.

It is difficult to hear him scream, particularly for my wife, but it works quite well. After he comes out, he has to apologize for acting inappropriately, and depending on what he did, I ask him to determine a fair punishment for himself.

For example, once he put a hole in the wall, and he determined that it would be appropriate for him to fix the hole - I ended up fixing it while he was sleeping, but his head was in the right place - and that he would not get to have friends over (that was why he kicked the wall) for two weeks.

It's a type of time-out, but do not establish a specific duration, instead, put him in time-out in his room until he is ready to listen to you. Do it when he misbehaves, when he yells at you, and especially when he calls you names.

If you think it would work, try to switch places for a day, or a half-day, where he is the "parent" and you become the child, and repeat his behavior so he can see how it feels. I believe at 4 years old he is old enough to understand this.

On the other hand, if he goes a full day without misbehaving, give him a compliment, mention it to him, let him see that you appreciate his good behavior and that is how it should be. Don't reward him, because good behavior should be the default, not what children do when they want a prize.

Answer 7

Is he bored?  Try to give him some structure durring the day, maybe some crafts or outside play time.  

Also remember to be paitent and consitent.  It sounds to me as though you have some good strategies already, just keep it up.  

Answer 8

I have a six year old boy and have had an issue or two similar to yours.  What I do is in no uncertain terms explain to him why his behavior is lousy, and then I send him to his room to think.  He must tell me why his behavior was bad before he can leave the room.  I also with hold things he likes to do from him if he does not act properly repeatedly.  

Firmly, yet lovingly let your child know you are in charge.  Some of these issues are just there personality and you must mold and guide them to use it to their best purpose.

Hope that helps.

Father whos been there.

Answer 9

I felt like I was reading about my daughter! I tried time outs, taking stuff away, and even swatted on the butt a couple times. None of it worked! Finally, I started ignoring the bad and complimenting the good. I quickly started seeing changes in her attitude. I complimented every little thing. Things are a lot easier now! My sis told me the other day that around age 8 I could expect for the behavior to happen again! Good luck!