ENGAGED WOMEN HAVIN AFFAIR?

Question

Being going out with the same man for 20 years, engaged for 16 years no kids. The problem is he works with his father who is very much involved in his life and this means that there is no time for me so it seems. Recently met an old school friend who is very intrested in me and its nice. I have met him a number of times in the past few weeks, My question is what should I do?

Answer 1

You see, to me.. The being engaged for 16yrs speaks volumes - you seem to have gone your seperate ways - you might as well end it.

Answer 2

go with the new bloke

Answer 3

Don't cheat!!   Everyone enjoys having attention paid to them as it is a boost to one's ego.  Good things never come out of situations when one makes decisions from ego.

I think after being with your current fellow for this long you have to decide if what you want -- 16 years of engagement is a long time.

You need to sit down and figure out what you want in your life - if it's children and marriage then you need to talk to your fellow and see where he's at.  If you two are on different pages then you need to figure out if you are wanting to keep what you have or walk away from it and find someone who has the same goals.

Your old school pal may have been a little push for you to face things with your current partner and yourself and figure out what you both want and promote you talking of what you would both like for the future.

Good Luck

Answer 4

think it through in your head, who do you really want? who will you be better off with and happy with in the long term? but, dont do anything before you decide, if you chose this other man be honset with your current partner before you make a move, but you have been with your partner a long long time! think carefully, do you really want to throw it all away? just don't hurt him but if you really are not happy in the relation ship anymore and it is 100% beyond help... i guess it could be time to move on but think about this really really carefully. you dont want to do something you might regret.

Answer 5

stay well away from ur old school pal if u feel u have feelings or sexual tence between u both it is not fair that u would cheat on ur fella if u do then u are stupid and not a nice person u been with ur man for a long time do the right thing and walk away from the school friend

if u love ur partner u will keep ur nickers up and not cheat if u cheat then y be with ur partner  

Answer 6

Okay there are alot of thing that you might want to look at.  First the fact that you all have been engaged for 16 years that is a long time.  And another thing and i am telling you this from experience.  There is going to be a serious problem that is going to escalate more and more as time goes by as long as his father is playing an active part of his life especially if it is interfering with your relationship.  You are going to have to be very careful seeing this other guy because the more you see him and the more dysfunctional your relationship is the greater chance you have of leaving your fiancee.  have you talked to your fiancee about how you are feeling?  Anytime you have someone pay you attention after you are in a relationship that does not provide you with the attention that you need it does feel great.  You really need to sit your fiancee down an have a good talk with him.  And seriously it is time you all really get on the ball about getting married.  16 years is a long time to be waiting.  Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 7

I think you should split with the guy your with, you obviously want something with the other guy so your not loyal to him. You might be loyal to this other guy, but whats gonna happen when he wants to work and spend time with his dad, and then someone else comes along.

Its a nice circle which keeps going round and round, until you stop and actually speak to the guy yourself. Try telling the guy what he's doing wrong it might help, and i mean properly telling him. Not hey can we talk and he goes so you automatically think like a woman oh he doesnt want to communicate oh my god.

Your just lucky you havent got kids.

Answer 8

Is this real? 16 years does not make an engagement. Girl, its time to start living your life! I wouldnt waste any more time on this guy, frankly he sounds like a bore.  

Answer 9

well obviously you've gotta break it off with someone i would suggest trying to figure out which one you have more feelings for && treats you

the way you wanna be treated also make sure this person has time for you im sorry if im making this sound easier than it is but it is what has to be done.good luck!

Answer 10

Break it off with your fiance idiot? What do you mean what should you do. Explain things to your fiance and tell that you never have time with him and you guys have been engaged for 16 years and you get the idea that the relationship is not going anywhere. Let him know if he wants to work on the relat. that he needs to make more time for you, make you feel special and loved and see what he says. Dont cheat on him because the relationship is not going well. Its better to break off then to cheat. If you cheated then there is no hope for the relationship because there will be trust issues. Think about your question next time before asking. Good luck!

Answer 11

you already know the answer to the question.  You have been with this man 20 years and engaged for 16 when is the wedding.  you said he has no time for you because of the family job.  He has put you on a low rung of the ladder.  Honey climb to the top and go to the other man.  You need love and respect. and after 20 years he doesn't  Good luck.

Answer 12

Engaged for 16 years? wow

What should you do? Don't be a slag  

Answer 13

Engaged for 16 years?  You must be a very patient woman.  Sounds like someone has commitment issues.  You need to do what makes YOU happy.  

Answer 14

if you both wanted to just be engaged and not married for so long then thats fine..but if you have been waiting to get married then hes ran out of time in my opinion.  if this other guy is the one and he gives you more of himself then i say give it a go!  usually i dont condone cheating but i think your 'fiance' is taking you for granted!  do what your heart tells you to and be happy!

Answer 15

You should break off the engagement, because after 16 years I think it's pretty obvious that neither one of you really wants to get married. Whether or not you hook up with this guy is up to you... just don't do it while you're "engaged".

Answer 16

I think I know why your drawn to this other guy. ENGAGED for 16 years!!!!??? Why not married yet? Tell him to get you down the aisle or that's that! Its crazy...is he going to marry you or is it all talk?

Answer 17

I hate to say this, but it sounds like your fiancé is too busy to be married. What are you getting out of your relationship? All you are doing it waiting for a wedding that may never happen. Talk to him and ask him when he plans on marrying you. Never cheat though! If you want to see this other guy, wait 'till you've broke it off with your fiancé. x

Answer 18

Youve been engaged for 16 years and he has no time for you. Honey I think you know what you have to do. End it. Nothing will come out of it, and this old friend you met seems more interested in you than your own fiance. You need to ditch the fiance and chase the new meat. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 19

I THINK THIS UR NOT MARRIED YET AND THATS GOOD SINCE U FEEL LIKE THIS IF U WANT SOME ONE THAT HAVE TIME FOR U THEN CONSIDER THAT CAUSE U ARE THE ONE THAT WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS AND YET U GUYS HAVE NO TIES THATS EVEN BETTER LIVE LIFE FOR WHAT ITS WORTH MAYBE HE IS JUST COMFORTABLE  WITH THE RELAIONSHIP AND DOEST MEAN ANY HARM TALK TO HIM AND LET HIM NO WHERE U GUYS STAND AND GO FROM THERE BUT DO WHAT U FEEL NO ONE ELES CAN LIVE FOR U  

Answer 20

Wow - ive heard of a long engagement but 16 years???

Sounds as though you need some fun. I don't recommend having an affair but maybe you should look into leaving your man first. Don't get stuck in a rut and end up regretting it in 10 years time.

Answer 21

time to leave your  20 year relationship if you are stepping out for something else.. no sense in hurting and disrespecting him because you are not satisfied.

Answer 22

No one here can answer this for you.

But the fact that you're even tempted to be with the other guy is a HUGE signifier that you're not happy in your current relationship (nor would I be with an over-bearing parents callin' the shots).

You only have two options:

1. Leave your fiance, take time to yourself and then decide to go into another relationship.

2. Stay with your fiance and suggest therapy to work out your problems, which will include kicking the dad to the curb, so to speak, and spending more time together.

You just have to figure out what's worth it and what will make you happy.

Answer 23

It sounds like you have already made up your mind. 20 years is a long time to wait around just to be ignored. Life is too short. You only get one chance to do it right. Go be with someone who TRUELY makes you happy. I have seen too many people in your situation who live unhappily until they are old and grey...dont live your life just to regret your choices later....be happy.

Answer 24

I`ve got to say that if you have been engaged for 16 years, its unlikely you are ever going to be married.  Even with marriages, after 16 years the love can go out of the relationship if you are not getting the attention you feel you need/deserve.  

I wouldn`t suggest having an affair, but if you are that unhappy in your relationship then you might need to think about the man you are with, and the life you would like to have and move on...

Answer 25

Well are you ready to give up on your relationship?

Because by continuing to meet this guy you are putting an end to it - which is fine if that's what you want. There is no way you can have an affair and still keep your relationship so bare that in mind.

Either talk to your partner about needing more time with him or end it  

Answer 26

Don't cheat.  If you like this man and don't want to be engaged anymore, then break it off with your fiance.

I think you have bigger problems than this if you've been dating for 20 years and engaged for 16 and niether one of you has decided it is time to actually get married.  Either c**p or get off the pot.

Answer 27

Sounds like you need to move on, you have been together all these years but not married and no kids, its a strange relationship.

if you feel the need to ask this question I think you want support in the decision you have already made.

So do what you have to, life is too short to be unhappy.

Answer 28

Engagaed for 16 years????? sorry but i dont think the wedding is ever gonna happen. if he was serious about marrying you it would have happened by now. ask to go on a break with your fiancee and talk to the old schoool friend. if you like him more than your fiancee just tell your fiancee that you havnt got another 16 years to wait and your other friend seems more interested and the pros[ect of having kids and getting married seems more real with him.