EXHUSBAND AND OUR SON?

Question

well imam a happy women married to another man for 27 years any ways i was married once to a different man my first and we had a son he is now 32 and just came home from rehab for drinking. anyways why he was there he called his dad. now look people his father never had anything to do with him my husband raised my son with me since he was 4 years old. my ex did never come to see him until he was 18 when he graduation. then he seen my son 2 years after that for 1 week then he dropped out again until now. last summer we went to see my son's grandparents here from boston and my sons father did not want to see him. now he goes up to rehab because my son called him and he went. my ex was a drunk too. and now imam hurting because i told my son yes of course it is up to him but i don't want my son to get his hopes up again. my question should i phone his really father and talk to him or leave it for my son me and my family hurt from all this stuff answers please

Answer 1

Your son is a big boy ~ he's the one that needs to work it out with his dad.

Though it hurts in the interim, you and your current husband have fulfilled your "job" as his parents.  If your ex is still the loser he was when you left him, your son will find out for himself.  If he's changed his ways, your ex might make amends and the two of them will be able to communicate if nothing else.

Try not to spin your wheels on something you have no control over.  Your values and those of your current husband are instilled in your son...try to find some comfort in that knowledge and know that your son will make the decision that's right for himself.   Everything will work out the way it's meant to be.

Answer 2

I think you should let your adult son figure this one out.

Answer 3

Sons a big boy. It is hard to let him get hurt over and over by Dad but let him. Hopefully, he won't be this time, but he most likely will.

They probably have unresolved issues. Most kids who had Dad's  like this keep them at a distance over time of dealing with this. They never quite want them out of their life for good. Hard to believe but they do. They should not love the Dad that bails but on some level they do.

Not necessarily love logic the rest of us understand. But thy have their own disjointed/connected relationship-over time your son will deal with it in his own way. Trust me I have seen it. Don't try to make sense of it...

Good luck

Answer 4

Your son is 32 let him figure it out on his own.i can understand where your coming from about your ex but like it or not your son is reaching out to him i wish you and your family the best and i commend your hubby on raising your son with you I'm sure this must hurt him too (((hug))))

Answer 5

This is the easiest I had yet. Simple. you are all adults. The past is the past. Your son needs your help, give it too him. Let go, just let go! of the past. I know they hurt for your own reasons, but you must let go.

Answer 6

Your son is a grown man.  Part of addiction recovery is trying to come to closure with people who have impacted you negatively, or whose lives you have impacted negatively.  I'm sure that the issues relative to his father not being there have been brought up in his therapy sessions and that probably has a lot to do with your son calling his father.  The wisest and kindest thing you can do right now is to let them be.

Answer 7

I think it's time to cut your son loose and let him see his father. If he goes back to drinking then he will have to go back to rehab and start all over again. He is going to have to learn to be on his own and make his own mistakes. I think it is a good thing for him to see his dad and have a good heart to heart talk with him and put some kind of closure to there relationship or start a relationship. Your son is a alcoholic and he will have all sort of drama in life to get through being sober and this might be a one he will have to learn to deal with. I'm an ex alcoholic and I had to make my mind up to stay sober but it took me years of trial and aria and finally after about 5 years of falling and getting back up did I stop my drinking . Rehab is a tool of staying sober it isn't a cure.

Answer 8

You need to let your Adult son figure this out on his own. He's not doing this to hurt you. He may have questions, feelings or issues that he needs to settle with his dad in order for him to move on. this could also be the cause of his drinking. At 32 yrs old I don't think your son is going to get his hopes up to high, unless he is very naive. Let him do this and when and if his dad lets him down ........ don't be there to say I told you so, but just be there and listen to him and support him emotionally if he needs it (32 yrs I doubt he will), You just might here an I LOVE YOU MOM.