EXTREMELY worried about my 13 year old sister - please read!

Question

My 13 year old sister Nikki has been doing a lot of bad things over the past 18 months, such as running away, smoking, drugs, drinking, extremely poor school grades, wagging etc.

i recently found these photos of her on her computer and now im even more worried about her.

http://i36.tinypic.com/14lpyrk.jpg

http://i37.tinypic.com/aaupw4.jpg

what should i do about her. she already see's the school counsellor (but she doesnt talk to her) so thats out of the question...

any suggestions :)

BTW: i have custody of her because my parents passed away. Im 20

Answer 1

Teardrops symbolizes sadness,as far as your 13 yr.old sister is concerned if there is any way you can keep the bad influnces and separated, do so, if nothing else you could connect with the juvenile authorities, and tell them what your 13 yr.old sister has been doing, and with who, they will put up an investigation, on these people she's doing drugs with, and the under-age drinking, someone will be going to jail, for getting her alcohol,drugs,and they will stop her from runing away, ask them to talk to her, and have them explain to her what will happen if she keeps hanging around with these people, and tell them to tell her(for scare tactics), that she very well could go to jail, for the drugs, alcohol,(right along with her friends)! And maybe you should consider having herput in a drug rehab center, for her to get all the drugs & alcohol out of her system, this programs usually last 6 mos. no longer, and juvenile could say to your sister, that it was an order from them for her to go to the rehab center, and finish out the program to get her straigthened back up again, and her grades would come back up, and all the while(can print off those pictures)off the internet? Show the pictures, to the police, and get the ones responsible for her drugs & alcohol put in jail, and charges brought by you, 9because you are the parent), she may be acting out since the death of your parents, but she's doing in the most dangerous way I've ever heard of!The counselo is only as good as the girl wants them to be! In other words she's telling the counselor what she wants them to know!Mam,I'll pray for you and your sister! To get her away from those people, because if she stays around them for very much longer, she may over-dose! I DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN EVER~!Keep telling her you love her, and you miss your parents too; and you both need to stick together to be able to get thru this together! Maybe that will all it will take!Tell, the juvenile she's suicidal also, from the pictures from the internet!May God Be with You! With all you need to do for your 13 yr.old sister!& Your peace of mind!

Answer 2

its great you care :)

since your parents are away; she is probably lashing out on all of her anger.

You ahve to sit down with ehr and tell her everything thats been bothering you keep your voice calm the whole time never yell even if she does.

if it doens't help

and things keep going the way they are going

then maybe you need help from other family member

notify the shcool

such as maybe she cant sit next ehr friends in class if she is getting bad grades

and dont let ehr go out every weekend if she's is taking drugs and smoking..

stay strong.

she needs you too.

x

Answer 3

talk. to talk to her as a parent talk to her as a sister, a friend......i'm not sure if you know this but as disturbing as it is people tatoo teardrops on their faces as a symbol of how many people they have killed.  

Answer 4

you have to be the authority now, it's pretty obvious she wan't attention or she is crying out for help.

so if you talk to her, she should open up.

i don't think that blood is real, but it is still a threat that she doesn't want to live or she feels she should be punished for something

and the teardop is emo i think, emotional drama. it represent past scars i'm pretty sure

maybe if you get her a pet. (after talking) people tend to worry less about themselves when they are taking care of another. plus this will put responsibility on her.

Answer 5

I dont know about you, but I find that all children go bad, either at a young age, such as 2-6, or in their early teens such as 12-16.  I have 3 younger siblings and tons of neices and nephews.  I yell and get o their case because I dont tolerate that kind of "attitude" from them, or that type of make up, dress code, insubordination, running away, smoking, drinking, drugs, etc etc.  And to be honest, it may sound harsh, but I make it a point that I am in control.  This is what keeps them in line.  My dad was a Vietnam Vet and he gave me nothing, didnt put with anything from me, forced me to do my homework, made me go to all my classes, made me work after school, forced me to get a 4.0, made sure I went to the Princeton Review class, gave me only 1 hour to get from school to home, and bought me nothing, made me work for everything, and made me cook at home, etc etc.  Now, Im 30, I have 9 jobs, I dont do drugs, I dont lie, cheat, steal, Im not lazy, I dont ask for anything, and I look for free lunches, nor would I accept one, and I follow my schedule as planned, without any deviations, and I do everything he needs because he doesnt speak english that well.  And I never complain about it.....But, would I have ended up this way if nobody guided me?  Probably not....but when I hit the same c**p....I naturally do what I went through when I was a child........Do what you have to do....she is your responsibility....

Answer 6

Oh my god!

That second picture is extremely disturbing!

It even hurts me. : (

Why don't you talk to her, see why she's acting like this..

Hope she stops doing this soon.. : (

Answer 7

something's up.

and it's not good. maybe a relationship gone wrong, bad childhood... something.... maybe it's a friend thing.... do you know if she has friends or what?

have a talk with her outside (fresh air should help)

I'm not sure what else to say. I wish the best of luck.

Answer 8

Sounds like life has been tough for her.  I am glad that she has someone looking out for her.  The big problem is that she is going to have to accept any help that is offered for her.  Obviously she is hurting inside.  I would recommend getting a professional counselor if you can afford it or look to a community group or church that has access to free/cheap counseling that is still of good quality.

She is going to need your full support and may even arrange for an intervention with some of the closest people in her life.  It is important that they all show up to show their support.

Goodluck and I'm sorry you both have to go through this.  I am 25 but I don't think I would have the strength even now to raise a 13 year old.

Answer 9

First make a time every day where you can spend time with her:  doing girl stuff, talking, taking a walk, playing a game.  The idea is that what you do should be enjoyable to both of you, but not involve a lot of eye contact so that she can feel safe talking.  Talk to her about things in general, not your concerns.  This way she can learn to trust you so that when there is something really going on with her you know.

Without being too obvious check her writsts.  If there are cut marks, take her to the psych unit of your hospital.  Make sure they know you fear she is a danger to herself.

Make sure you always know where she is and what she is doing.

If you believe in God, pray for her.

Answer 10

She could be having issues about missing your parents, I think the best thing to do would be to sit down with her and talk to her, let her know that you are there for her if she need to talk and that you care about her and don't want to see her hurt herself!  I hope this helps and things get better for the both of you!!  Good luck!!

Answer 11

She's into or getting into cutting / self mutilation.  Since she is actually taking pics (evidence) it seems she is ripe for someone to offer help.

She's crying out.  Get professional help, even if you start with a church or school or social counselor. They will point you in the right direction.

Good luck to you.

Answer 12

She's obviously depressed (possibly even angry), and is lashing out in negative ways. If you can afford it, I suggest sending her to a certified psychologist. Eventually she'll learn what it is she's so upset about and how to express her feelings in a more positive way.

What YOU can do, is get into parent mode. It's going to be difficult, it's going to be weird, but it needs to be done. You can try to mix being an older sister with being a parent figure, but it'll get tricky. Try taking her out, just the two of you, to re-connect. Let her talk, if she won't don't pressure her, just chit-chat. Earn her trust. Eventually she'll open up.

What ever you do, never yell a her, and avoid a power struggle at all costs. You both lost your parents, and that's hard, but fighting over who's in charge and who needs to listen to whom is just going to make things harder.

If you don't want to be her parent, be her friend. Don't let her walk all over you, though. Eventually, you will have to craftily lay down the law. Let her know that smoking and drinking is not a behavior she wants to develop. Don't get super negative, just come up with level headed excuses (such a waste of money, smells horrible, makes you fat, rots your teeth, etc.)

You should ask her what she wants to do once she's done with school, and help her realize that the only way to get that is to do well in school. Her grades are going to suffer because she's in pain, and doing well in school is probably the last thing on her mind.

Overall, you need to try to bring her out of her slump, be a positive influence, help her to develop better habits, and be there for her. She's 13, it's the beginning of the hardest of times for a teen girl.

Good luck, and I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Usually a tear drop symbolizes sorrow for the family of a person you've killed, but in this instance, it could be her way of expressing constant sorrow or something like that.

Answer 13

Ohhh my god you should REALLY be worried about the second pic. That's not good. What you should do is ask her why she's been acting like she has (in example- is she greiving because of your parents' death?). Also, let her know that her actions are super un-healthy. She may need to get counciling. If you need anything just e-mail me.

Answer 14

is that real blood if it is take her to the hospital because she is a threat to herself also do not blame yourself for what is happening

Answer 15

i think you should really talk to her, show her you care.

cause obviously shes been running away &maybe she feels

like she doesnt belong? cause thats how some of my friends

feel, but once someone talks it out, it usually works out

have a try at it

Answer 16

I think you are in a very tough situation.  If she's 13 and doing what she wants... nothing will change that.  What she is doing is what she believes and there's little to nothing that can change the one track mind of a 13 year old.  My only suggestion would be to try and scare her straight.  Take her somewhere you fear most that she'll end up.  Downtown on the streets with crazy homeless people... drug rehab meetings... woman's correctional facility(get permission first)...

This really looks like a situation where she's not headed down a dark road, but she may already be on it...  These situations really upset and sadden me.  I hate seeing our youth begin wasting their lives away at such a young age with no direction.  

I'm a 26 year old hotel manager in Phoenix, AZ.  My girlfriend was in the same boat when she was 13... drugs, alcohol and criminalous activity.  The only thing that saved her life and made her who she is today was having a daughter at age 16.  She's still struggling with just keeping up in life financially but she's a great mother and raising a beautiful daughter.  If there's anything I or we could do to help please let me know.  Good luck!

Answer 17

Its horrible she is going through this but there is help out there! Be supportive and try to talk to her about how you feel she is in danger. I pasted a website below, hope this gives you and her hope. God Bless you for taking her in...thats a tough job as a sister.  

Answer 18

I know this is long but please read it! i know how you feel my brother got into smoking, drugs, and drinking too, about one year ago he got sent to a school that helped him extremely i don't know what i would have done without that school. one year later he got out of the school(he graduated)! anyway now he has a job that he could keep(unlike before) and he is sober almost three months from when he graduated. the school is in  sheridan, wyoming, it's called normative. please please please check it out almost everyone has been helped that goes to that school. Also if she does good she can go on home visits and you can travel to her! and you get to talk to her over the phone twice a week! i know that's not that much but it will help her a lot. hope i helped

Answer 19

An answer to your important question.

Please call with any problem, anytime:

Girls and Boys Town "National Hotline"

Phone: [phone]  (toll free)

Email: [e-mail]

Answer 20

Wow, it seems like you really got your hands full. Truthfully, part of that is just her growing up. Dont get me wrong, thats not normal but some people deal with the loss of parents different than others. This is probably her way of dealing with it. It doesnt reflect how your doing at all as a sister/parent/guardian. All you can do is be there for her. Help her out, and be her friend.

Answer 21

Put her in a mental health centre. She won't have a choice but to talk if she wants out, and she won't be able to hurt herself.

I wish someone would have done that with me when I was younger; my depression would have been taken care of a lot earlier, and I wouldn't have wasted part of my life being depressed.

Yes, she will hate you, but it's better then her hurting herself.

Also...a lot of teens do the stupid makeup teardrop. It's called being "emo", or "scene".

Answer 22

be her parent if she doesn't have one.

Answer 23

Sounds like my cousin. I'd get help. She's probably depressed about something...

Answer 24

oh my god!! you need to get her help right away! cutting herself like that is not normal. there are probably some rehab like centers. since she is under age.. you can probably make her go. try everything not to let her leave the house. get some help because you cant do this alone. and when appoaching her about this.. dont do it in a threatning manner. you will push her away

Answer 25

MOVE!  Take her and move her as far away as possible, to a different school with different kids.  She might hate you for a while, but she'll get over it.

Answer 26

okay well im pretty sure that's fake blood cus it doesnt look real

do you live with her?

just talk with her and tell her that everything will backfire

im not really sure

good luck =]