Easy 10 points again! how do you like this?

Question

ok heres another poem of mine. i wanted to know how u guys like it

THE DAY WE FIRST MET

The days have rolled on

I see I have lied

I see us tearing apart

But at least I tried

You understood the most

But I guess it's time to go

My heart might heal

But it'll be terribly slow

Let's drain the buckets of tears

And move on from the past

We might see each other soon

It will go by fast

I will always love you

And don't you forget

The day you found me

The day we first met

Answer 1

This is very good. It hits home for me. Thank you for sharing this!

Answer 2

Unrealistically romantic.

I remember well the night we met

In social club, the night were wet.

You said you left your coat at home

and forgot your mobile phone.

I said that I would take you home

when last orders bell were rung.

My old Datsun awaited us

a bit less draughty than the bus.

And to the back seat where unseen

you whispered that you were fourteen

And if I didn't give you fifty quid

You would tell my wife and kids.

But I was not completely thick

I knew you when you were six

and that was  twelve years ago

I gave two choices kiss or go.

And thus was our passion kindled

as my cash you tried to swindle

And long before you cried enough

I had got you up the duff.

My wife and kids they all left me

I moved you in, wife number three

and there we live that day to this.

Conjoined in conubial bliss.

Answer 3

sad but good

wonderful rhythm

u may want to add punctuation

so that there's more emphasis.

4 example:

I will always love you-

and don't you forget

the day you found me,

the day we first met.

Answer 4

it's very sad. but i love it.

Answer 5

Charlie is right, punctuation is important to the rhythm and separation of thought. I question is the title. How can you do all of this feeling for someone on the first day of meeting them? If you lie to them from day one, romance would be shot at that point! The line 'days have rolled on' refer to travelling. Woman that read that you lied to them only can't think of one thing, that you tried to deceive them regardless of your feelings! Your approach is rough and desciptions are course, but you mean well...

FINDING MY WAY  

The day we met the hours poured down like rain

Love would have to roll in with the tide,

Would I have to drown if I had so much to gain

My ship slowly sinking I have tried.



You understood the passion of the game

My feelings known throughout the years,

Yet hope and promises the some remains the same

Now I drown in a bucket full of tears

Finding my way back to you

Finding my way back to you

If you drift your way and I sail in mine

What should be will never be,

A flag, a signal can you show me a sign

Or else our love is lost out at sea

Finding my way back to you

Finding my way back to you