Egg donation?

Question

I'm just wondering what everyone thinks about egg donation for someone who cannot produce eggs but can probably carry a child... Do you see it as basically the same as adoption.. or no.... Do you see it as having some of the same "issues" as adoption, or not nearly as many? How do you see it.. ethically, genetically..

Not trying to stir anything up, just want opinions from all..

Answer 1

I do believe that it has some of the same issues as adoption, especially if the child is not told from the start.  I think that if at all possible, one parent should be genetically related.

As an aside, I had a great uncle who's wife went through this process (although I think she used her own egg, and had a sperm donor because my uncle had already had a vasectomy).  My uncle had some mental health issues (he seemed like the most normal one in the family, but obviously he was hiding something).  He and his wife got a divorce when their son was 13.  Suddenly, my uncle decided that their son wasn't "his", and he didn't have to pay child support, didn't want to be involved in his life, etc.  What a HORRIBLE thing for a child to go through!!!  I'm pretty sure he knew that his dad wasn't his biological father, but still.  At any rate, some really horrible things happened after that, and I'm willing to bet that my cousin is going to be messed up for life because of this.

My point here is that if you can't adopt, then you shouldn't borrow eggs or sperm, either.  If you can't love a child that is not of your genes 100% as your own, and treat them as such, then it shouldn't be done, period.  But if you can love the child, and be 100% honest from day one about his/her origins (preferably keeping in contact with the donor), then I say go for it.

ETA:  What is best for the child...make sure the child has the opportunity to know his/her biological family, and make sure your significant other feels the same way you do.  Good luck!

Answer 2

You are aware that for donating eggs, the agencies have very strict requirements? They won't take just anyone who walks in the door. In order to be a donor, you have to be attractive, intelligent, and with no history of genetic or mental disorders. Another thing to consider is that there are age limits. If you're past your early thirties, forget it. You're considered too old. Young women between the ages of 18 to 25 are the most desirable and that's why there are all these advertisements in college newspapers. That's where agencies can find the most young women who best fit their criteria.

Answer 3

I dont think its different from adoption at all.  Well.... the only difference is that you carry the child for the 9 months. Are you still going to explain to the child how they were conceived?  Or who the biological mother was?  etc. etc.  I think that even if you use a egg donor, that child has the right to know their family history etc.

Answer 4

I think it would just be better to take care of one of the children who don't have a home already out there, than to create a brand new one.

Adoption is a loving option.

Answer 5

I do not believe in donating eggs or sperm.  I think that choosing to create another human being under these circumstances is unethical.  

Donating organs and other biological material in order to sustain the life that of an individual who already exists and has a say in the process is one thing.  Donating biological material to create a new individual who obviously had no say in this method surrounding his or her genesis is not okay with me.

Answer 6

Hi Shelly,

Honestly I think alot of these issues depend on who you are married to.  I think the other part depends on you.  Is a pregnancy something you truly want to experience more than anything or is it not a big deal to you?

Hypothetically,  I would prefer to have to eggs of my sister or some family member.  If that were not available to me, then i would want info on the egg donor.

Ethically my problem is not knowing the egg donors name.  I do think of the egg donor in the lines of a first mother.  The other ethical issue is that my husband does not like the idea of his "parts" mixing with anyone but mine and vice versa.  To him its cheating.  I knew this before marrying him.  So before you marry lay everything out on the table and see where your future hubby stands.

I see similarities between adoption and egg donation.  I can see the child possibly one day at least wanting to meet the egg donor.  IDK, this is a lot of thinking with only one cup of coffee in me.

In the end its up to you and your husband.  I have no problems with either one.  You do whats best for you and your future child.  I wish you all the best.

ETA:  If you are asking whats best for the child OMG this is hard.  On one hand, i think adoption cause at least the child will have an opportunity thru open adoption to know his/her first family.  On the other hand, adoptees feel loss and i don't know if a child thru egg donation would feel the same.  I'm just not educated enough.  Sorry.

Answer 7

This is another one I just haven't formulated an opinion on yet.  I'm still looking at information, perspectives, the realities of how it affects people that have actually done it, and so forth.

I definitely believe a child should be told that his/her parents aren't the genetic parents.  And with the risk of FAS/FAE and other prenatal care concerns, I can understand why a couple would consider this option over a traditional adoption.  Not sure if I agree with it, but I understand the reasoning.

As to the difference between egg/sperm donation, well, there is one big difference.  There are health risks to a woman when she donates eggs.  A man donating sperm doesn't have those risks (obviously!).  So I don't know if ethically, it's okay for a woman to endanger herself for my benefit, by going through the process of egg growth and harvesting.

Just my thoughts.  Not even an opinion, yet.

Still learning and mulling that one over.

Answer 8

We considered it for about 10 minutes.....  And decided it was the same as any other kind of adoption to us....  When we considered it we decided that if our children were not going to be biologically related to us---We wanted them to be biologically related to each other.....So we adopted Special Needs Siblings from the Foster Care System....

Answer 9

Although I do strongly support adoption, I also agree with Jillian. I totally support egg donation and since my husband and I will not be having anymore children I plan on donating my eggs. Not for the money but to allow someone to know the joy that I have felt. I don't see any reason why my perfectly good eggs should go to waste when there are women who cannot have babies.

The advantages to receiving donated eggs include the ability to chose your donor with whom you share similar traits, knowing that the donor is healthy and they have been through numerous test (physical, genetic, and psychological), no chance of the parent becoming attached and changing their mind and the experience of carrying your child. Most donor programs are anonymous all of the programs that I have researched do extensive research on their donors.

Whatever you decide, you are doing the right thing in considering all of your options!

Answer 10

It's still someone else's kid. Same issues.  Maybe more, who knows?

IMHO, the ONLY good thing about enduring pregnancy & childbirth is getting your own child at the end of it.

Answer 11

Hi Shelly,

Thanks for asking our opinions.  I do  not support egg donation or sperm donation.  I feel that just because some things are physically possible, does not mean that the ethics & legalities of the situation have caught up yet.

I also feel there is a larger margin of possible deception involved for the child.  Every human deserves the full & honest truth when it comes to how they arrived here & who their biological parents are.  Some questions are hard to answer and it might be tempting to avoid them altogether.  Still, the child's rights must never be compromised for someone else's comforts & desires.

If the goal is to be a PARENT, there are already hundreds of thousands of children who need a parent.  If giving birth is more important, then it obviously has become more about what the parent wants than what is best for a child.

Yes, children conceived of donor genetic material DO have  many of the same concerns and questions that adoptees have, plus additional ones.  People who choose this route should be well-prepared to answer later to the children they created.  Even when total honesty is involved, that doesn't mean the situation is going to sit well with the genetically-donated offspring.  There are already websites devoted to this topic, and we will see many more of them as the children who were conceived in this manner grow up and voice their opinions, as the adoptees of traditional adoption in the past have done.  

Thanks again for asking.  I only wish more people would stop to ask questions first before delving head on into issues that could have long-reaching consequences for others down the road.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 12

Playing god with human parts in relation to procreation is no better than playing house with a baboon... someone is bound to get bitten.

Answer 13

ok so i was an egg donor...i think it is an AMAZING gift i gave a family who wanted a child OF THEIR OWN so very badly. I am a mother of 2 and carring a child is an AMAZING AMZING experiance i believe every woman should have the opportunity to do so. it would have half the genes like u said so it would look like ur husband and u can pick donors who resemble you adn u can pick their education, athleticism even musical background if those things are importiant. you breast feed, which is a beautiful bonding experiance between mother adn child. my very best friend is adopted.  there are issues  i think with a donor egg , but not the abandonment issue that i feel adopts have vs donor. u get to experiance birth adn all of that stuff.

i am obviously 100% for egg donor programs!! just keep in mind the AMAZING AMAZING gift your donor is giving you, all those dr visits and giving herself shots...that hurt!...for 6 months!!!!!! all for a family like yours who wants a child but cant make one. she is giving u the most precious gift ANYONE can or ever will give you!

good luck and i hope u do it!!!!!

to the idiots who dont know what the F*uck they are talking about you have several eggs harvested at once and frozen...u want to have 5 kids down the road, ALL RELATED, u can do that  jsut re implant the frozen eggs. i can tell u only looked into it for 10 minutes or u would have know that....

Answer 14

Hi Shelly,

For me, invetro with a donor egg felt more complicated, ethically gray, icky, etc. than adoption.  I think there are some of the same issues as adoption, some adoption issues won't be there, and some extra issues will be there.  Personally, I would want the sperm to be my husband's.  There are issues with the child then, though, being the biological child of one of you but not the other.  It's just all so complicated.  (Not that adoption isn't LOL!)  

I guess I would try to have a situation where you can know at least the medical history of the egg donor.

Answer 15

Short answer - I'm not sure about this.  I think you are going to have some of the same "issues" - they are just going to be more difficult to both explain to the child and harder for them to understand.  I still believe you would have to be completely honest about everything - but what could you possibly say?  

I think it was a couple of weeks ago, but I remember that someone posted a few links to blogs by adults who were - what do you even call it? - donated?  

I think that would be the thing to do - research what they have to say about it.  I could conjecture all I wanted, I'm never going to know.

I do know that embryo adoption is handled exactly like a regular adoption.  Homestudy, profile, matching then adoption.  I still haven't quite decided what I think about that, either.

ETA: If your concern (as it should be) is about what is best for the child - you may want to consider embryo adoption.  As I said, I personally can't wrap my mind around it - but I know two people who have done this.  The belief is strong between them and the biological parents, that the embryos ARE babies - and they are wanting to give life to these children.  I think it would be a tough call.  The process is the same as for adoption, just in the end you are adopting embryos and must do IVF. I think all the same things apply, though - always be honest with the child, let them know their biological family.

Answer 16

I don't support egg donation. I think its unethical and inhumane.

Answer 17

I think medical possibilities have a big head start over ethics and morality.  We shouldn't necessarily do things such as egg donation--just because we can.

Donated egg is still in the same corner of the Adoption Triangle as far as I'm concerned.  Although, I think lots of ethical and  questions will add to the questions of the child.  

I am OK with a woman harvesting HER OWN eggs before an operation or treatment that might result in infertility.  But using someone else's eggs...I haven't figured out my opinion on that one yet.

Answer 18

I hope you are not making a decision this important based on what anonymous strangers on yahoo answers say. I'm not trying to be rude, its good to see all the sides but some of these people are nuts

Answer 19

Interesting question. If I was married and we couldn’t have natural kids for whatever reason I would want to just adopt.  I wouldn’t want to have a natural baby that was only genetically mine or his.

The truth of the matter is that donor kids can have some of the same problems that adoptees have, regardless if they were carried by the woman that is going to be their mom. Just like no one knows how an adoptee is going to take being adopted, you cant know how a donor kid is going to take being a donorKid.

I’ve said before that my youngest nephew is a donorKid, my SIL carried him but another woman provided the egg. He is a happy energetic, smart and  creative 7 year old. Of course I don’t know if his parents have explained to him how he came to be. My own grandmother (who is his biological great grandmother) doesn’t even know they didn’t think she could handle it. Grandma is just one of those people who feels that people  should just adopt rather then do egg/sperm donation.  I do know that my brother and SIL love him dearly and consider him their child, and he is in every thing that matters the most, my sil treats him no differently then their eldest son who is biological hers.

I think just like with adoptees that you need to be honest with them from the start, preferable from a young age.  I would defiantly do some more research on it and talk to DonorPeople. If you feel this is the way you want to go good luck.

Answer 20

Shelly.

What ever you decide to do......remember to always be honest with the child.