Egypt:Do men not know what they want until they're in their 30's?

Question

AND WHY DO YOU THINK SO OR NOT THINK SO? SEE LINK BELOW:

http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2004/684/fe1.htm

Answer 1

I'm almost 34 now and I don't know what i want :(

Answer 2

Who knows what he/she wants!!!

Answer 3

i don't think so about 90% pf men know what they want from the earlier 20s

Answer 4

It depends on the man as an individual. The life experiences hes had, the family hes been raised in and his own values and principles.  

Answer 5

I think this is only what women say about men when men want something else other than what women want men to want.

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Answer 6

to tell the truth,i think age has nothing to do with your believes and decisions.but in their 30's they look more mature than young guys

Answer 7

Sorry for this long answer, but your question is valuable:

(EDITED final)

I think any one, whether a man or a woman, his/her concept of happiness and success (in love and work) go through different kinds of deformations and modifications by time. Most young youth through there college year, and right after graduation have some kind of idealistic view of life. But after graduation they start to figure out the concept of life as a journey not as a final match in a competition.

Through our school and college years, we were used to short cycle of achievements, every 3-4 months there is an achievement of finishing tests and scoring grades, and completing training program and earning a letter of recommendations and so on. So what might frustrate young men in the first few years after graduation, is that to feel lack of achievement.

But after awhile they start to figure out that achievements take longer time to be accomplished, (2-3 years to finish a master thesis, 5-7 years to get a higher position in your firm ranking, and so on…) in other words they start to figure out the concept of long term goals.

Also before graduation the goals were only study related.

After graduation goals are study related, career related, development of self financial status, social needs, intimating needs with a soul mate. And these goals can not be achieved all at once, most done in parallel, and some could be postponed with a clear view how to achieve it later, and some need imediate extinsive efforts to achieve regardless other aims. in other words they start to understand their consequent roles assigned for them from time to time… and so to understand the concepts of: I am where i am. I am what i am doing.

And so their definition of success start to be self-assigned and not compared to other progress (as it were through college years) because every one has his own definition of his life and what provides him the feeling of self-worth and self affirmation.

I think I have gone too far away from your question, but I was answering your question on a more wide level.

But to get back to your question: most people say they know what they want, but the missing statement is that "according to my life experiences TILL NOW, I know what I want", which means that the more you get engaged in life, socially, professionally, financially, intimately, your definition of happiness and success in Love and work will always differ from time to time, according to the outcomes you get through these experiences that you went through with your own set of values of wants and needs.

If you notice you will see that when remembering things from the past your judgments and your stance from some issues differs from time to time, you might find your self over-reacted on something in the past where you felt you were totally right, but after some years, you feel it was not the right stance.

Another example: sometimes a couple were not able to proceed their relationship into a more conventional phase through engagement, and then after 5 years they might meet again, and if they try to restore things again, they discover that both of them changed… but this doesnt mean that their early feelings were wrong, no, because if they got married at that time they wont notice these changes as they coop with it instantly...

-Now when I think about what a man need for his future wife, I think it follows the same concept. A young man is usually attracted to a girls look, soft attitude of talking, style of clothing, and if they start a relationship, you will find that there is no serious topic related to the future, just likes and dislikes, and making fun. And to live the experience of being in a romantic relationship.

-After graduation the way of thinking differs more, and start to choose a girl and relating his choice to his future.  First he may follow the common social norms of a good girl (religious, beautiful, good family and so on) and then discover that all of these features are relative, and has to be redefined, and moreover has to be connected to what HE likes not the society approval.

And this is highly related to other goals I mentioned earlier (specially career, financial, and study) so the girl fits (make a perfect match) in the way of life he want for himself. And to define this way of life it takes some time as I mentioned earlier.

beside the future related reasons  (like do you want to have kids from her, kids who would looklike her and act like her, does he want to grow old with her) these things are related to character attitude and moral set of values, raising children values, social background. similar way of life.

and also ( does he feel himself with her or feel different but ok, is he attracted to her likes and dislikes and dreams or just feel bored about them). and this is chimestry which is redefined in matter of matual interaction not a matter of pre-concivied image.

In general I can say that our characters are so plastic unlike what we think, it takes different forms of attitudes… through time. For my self I think I changed a lot from graduation year, through life experiences, through reading and acquiring knowledge, through negative and positive social experiences. career success and frustrations.

Sometimes negative experiences are the best way to reconnect with your self again. And understand how negative experiences start, and how to feel sympathy for others.

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note: i still didnt read the article, i will read and add my comment.

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about the article:

About the points the guys mentioned we actually know them all, and most girls do. yes most or all guys don't want to get married to an insecure girl, because she will bring her insecurities inside the relationship. also no one would like the control freak girl. the relationship should be intimate and based on sharing not demanding (who act with him as a replacement for her father) nor submissive (who lacks self-worth goals), both will lead the man lose interest in the whole relationship.

To complete each other to compete with each other nor one consume the other.

However some girls misperceive sharing and frame it in the picture of pity arguments and although they show their upset attitude, they still like it inside and believe that this is what marriage and romance about.

And i find it social affect of our society, also the media and the movies stereotype for this kind of a relationship. (like Timor and Shafika)

what a man wants: is different from man to man:

According to the nature of his job conditions,

his career long term requirements,

his concept of marriage and what kind of romantic relation he seeks with his wife, is one way direction from him to her, or mutual direction (some -both men and women- see this weakness and lack of manhood)

what kind of childhood does he want for his children,

aware of negative character features that he cant ever handle (such as mentioned above - i can add that a girl with self-worth goals and purposes [not just marriage] is all what some one need for a healthy relationship, it doesn’t have to be career related, but the point is that she doesn’t seek marriage to feel happy, she seeks marriage to feel happy with me, and this doesnt mean being attracted to me, it means understanding me and my life and what i want for myself as a professional, as a husband, as a father, so when she is around i dont feel lonley, [it is better for me to feel lonly while i m really alone instead of feeling lonly with the company of someone else])

how does she perceive his family values and his social background.

as i mentioned earlier: (and this is chimestry which is redefined in matter of matual interaction not a matter of pre-concivied image) which means not to impose your chick list right away, it could be a guidness, but you still have to interact and discover each other, sometimes a girl might make you happy for things you were not aware of. sometimes being aware of what you want might hinder you from experiencing something new that might trigger different mood of happiness you were not aware of. the point is to give time for interaction.

i have to note that what some guys wrote about "boy time" might be true in early years of marriage, but when his wife gives birth to their first kid, he will seek to spend more time with his son/daughter, he can't handle his/her cry, he is responsible for his/her smile and living a happy childhood. they can still meet, but the rate will be monthly based, or even seasonal and sometimes annual :O(

sad i know but this is life

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@Aster: sometimes i feel the same

Answer 8

they usually know what they want at the age of 28.

they keep looking around , making up their minds about their likes and dislikes till they are 28.

then they fear being an elderly single man , a bachelor .

if they can afford getting committed , they think of engaging the girl they like best .

i encourage getting married  .

i congratulate them.

Answer 9

not sure about egypt but myself and my friends all know what they want  

Answer 10

Well.. I know what I want

It's been the same since I was 18