Question:

Emo poem, feedback?!?

by  |  earlier

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There's 3 seperate ones here I know its a lot but even if you just commented on one that would be great

Im runnin down that little hall,

with that knife I’m bound to fall

but I’m not alone getting hurt

as I fall into the dirt…

People watchin screamin at me

I don’t know why they couldn’t see

I now know it was wrong for me

so s***w it all I’m who I wanna be

tired of my stupid thinkin’

time to float and finish sinkin’

I’m movin on from desperation

tryin to find some restoration

arms reach out to drag me along

forgettin all the things I done wrong

they don’t think I’m quite so messed up

tellin’ me the world is ****** up

the mirror keeps on staring me down

watchin me when I turn aroun’

I can’t get away from it’s stare

because it knows why I’m sittin there

sometimes I really wanna see

what you people think you see in me

Drenched in my own tears

My mind drifts to my worst fears

Wishing they would all come true

I wish I had never fallen for you

The steam drifts off the pavement

but my head is filled with his scent

He hates me for who I am

Doesn't even give a d**n

I know I'm pathetic, don't need to be told

I can be sweating but still feel the cold

Promises broken so d**n easily

I don't know why i couldn't see

But why shouldn't he hate me?

& I’ve contemplated death countless times

a release from this endless torment

an intimate longing for my trepid descent

the desire searing holes beneath fragile ground

I crave closure and beg for a fault to be found

but as I waver on the rim of desolation

my quivering fist reaches inspiration

releasing the tourniquet drains my propulsion

and lacking the energy to contain my emotion

my tears solidifying the future drifting from my past

Too strong to give up, to weak to move on

embracing the end, but waiting for the cause

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3 ANSWERS


  1. God, I hate the emo stereotype.

    Anyway, this should be in the poetry section.


  2. They are really well written, however, unless it's necessary for the poem a lot of people have strong opinions about slang in a poem. I personally like yours, but it could turn some people off.  The first and third ones are  very emo/goth, but, the second one seems more post break-up. If you want I can give you a couple sites that you can put them up on, and get feedback, rather than here.  

  3. wow these were really good im gunna star them but seriously they were amazingly good. did you write these?  
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