Emotionally inconsiderate?

Question

my hunni and I decided to spend some quality time ALONE yesterday and send the kids to grandmas for the evening. We are expecting our 3rd child in 3-4 weeks ;)

He even asked me if I could come home early from work and cook dinner early. I do, to find him sleeping!!!! I try to wake him up and he snaps at me like a dragon. I could have stayed at WORK THEN and come home regular time!

I'm annoyed, but I cook, wash the dishes, clean out the fridge, rearrange our baby gifts, fold up 3 bags of baby clothes my sister gave me and organize them by age all before he wakes up. He wakes up after 7pm, and I overhear him on the phone telling his brother he will meet him by 9pm… I ask where do u think u r going at 9p? and he goes into this whole thing about his brother going back to London and he will be back later.. I’m FUMING.. when did u figure all this out? when were you going to tell me? Why did you ask me to leave work early if you are going to make plans!!!

So he leaves at 9pm and comes back at 12:20am.. of course I’m already in bed! He is such a jerk sometimes.. I told him this morning that he was inconsiderate yesterday. He blows up and tells me I always get mad at things that are so stupid and there are more life threatening things in the world. he says I need counseling to stop being so sensitive and emotional all the time! (MIND U I AM 36WEEKS PREGNANT TOO!!!)

I told him he needs counseling for even starting such an argument; all of that because i said one thing to him, he cant be serious! but he is always emotionally inconsiderate and telling me I am stupid for getting mad and everytime i dont agree with his actions he tells me i overreact and tries to convince me that whatever he did is not a big deal.. I think he just has no heart and I am sick of it!!! can a person grow out of such a state, can he ever learn to appreciate or at least respect my emotions?????? he makes me feel guilty for having feels and always turns the situation to where he is the flipping victim!

Answer 1

He just trying to take the heat off of himself and turn it on you.  It was totally being a jerk.

Answer 2

oh dear lord, please run away. take the kids and flee. having someone so inconsiderate is only going to teach your children that it is okay to treat someone that way. no matter what you try to do to teach them different, they will see how daddy treats mommy and she stays so that is how it is suppose to go.

Answer 3

sounds like my husband..he had an affair, but he is the victim.. your husband sounds insensitive..yes, you have the right to have your feelings..if he asked you to come home from work early, he should have spent time with you..although, i dont know that i would've come home early just to cook for him.. he sounds selfish and spoiled.. good luck!  

Answer 4

I find that some people (not just men, but my fiance does this) flip out when you catch them doing something wrong. They're trying to cover that they KNOW they messed up without having to apologize. Then, because 'well, she's already mad at me, I might as well continue to s***w up', they continue on their merry way.

What works for me? I don't get angry right off the bat. I calmly explain my feelings with a 'just letting you know' bent on it. We can then discuss it instead of just screaming at each other. I know in our relationship that I need to be calm with him. If I yell, he shuts down and deliberately goes out of his way to be contrary at that point. Me remaining calm also makes him realize that he's gone over the top. It's REALLY hard, but it has paid dividends in our relationship. We fight less and when we do, it's more productive.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Well he is a jerk and I doubt he's going to change. I think you are aware of it as you are having the 3d kid together.

Answer 6

I agree with everyone that he is being inconsiderate. But for those that think the answer is divorce I do not agree.  I know at 36 weeks your emotions and hormones are running overtime. Calm down take a deep breath and concentrate on the baby and your other kids. You need to talk to your husband or even write him a letter explain that you need him and he is not giving you what you need at this time.  Calmly sit down and discuss the problem don't fuss and fight that never works.  You guys took a vow for better or worse. Work through your problems and you will be a stronger couple.  God Bless!

Answer 7

sounds inconsiderate to me

Answer 8

Give him a little space to calm down, and then tell him you need to talk to him.

Explain right from the get go that you don't want to fight or be inconsiderate to one another in any way, shape, or form and that if it happens you will walk away from the conversation.  After that's out of the way, explain to him that you love him very much, but it hurts you when he appears to be inconsiderate to your feelings.  (Keep in mind he may too just be stressing due to the baby coming soon.)  Tell him why it upsets you that he was selfish and didn't stay home when he asked you to come home early and spend time with him.  See what he has to say.  And also,read these "Fight Fair Guidelines" and show them to your husband as well.  They really helped my husband and I learn to control our emotions better and be able to have constructive conversations!

Good luck!

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Answer 9

You are right - he is a jerk.

My husband would never do this but if he did, he would be regretting it!

Good luck on the baby and I hope your fool comes to his senses.

Answer 10

Way to let it out. He is inconsiderate I would have been pi**ed too. I think it is a man thing telling women that we need counseling, well we need it because of them!!! GOOD LUCK!  You're right, he was wrong!