Engaged......want to do it the right way.......but want children now?

Question

Me and my partner had agreed that we would have our wedding on his grandparents 60th wedding anniversary, as a tribute to them and there long and happy marriage, and have it themed around diamonds, they are still alive and thought this would be the greatest anniversary gift ever.

So over the weeks we discussed it, and also discussed children, and we both want them soon, but think it is better if we are married first. 'doing it the right way!'

We announced the date of our wedding at our engagement party on friday and everyone thought it was a fab idea. But in bed on the saturday evening we sat and discussed children, and we both want them now but feel like we would be doing the family wrong if we did before we got married. We planned to get married, move out and then start a family but i feel i would be much happier, to move out in the next 6 months, start a family and then get married.

But we keep going back to 'doing it the right way' and im not sure the 'right way' is right for us.

What do i do???

Answer 1

doing what right now?

fu c k ing?

hey you are quite good to hold off that til now lol?

So you are asking -- maybe-- whether getting married right now/

the marrige a private matter, you can save the honoring for other people. T he best thing now is what is best for you. Mrriage if you are very sure this is the man for the long term n life. THEN IF IT IS, GET THE DATE SOONER and live life to the fullest with kids you'l love together.

Answer 2

Doing it 'the right way' doesnt always apply. Sometimes you have to do things that will make you happy... things that make sense to you. Do whatever you want to do. Yes traditionally marriage comes before children, but if you're ready to have kids (prepared and stable) then by all means go for it!  

Answer 3

do what ever makes you happy.  2010 is plenty of time to have a kid and im sure eventually your family will understand! good luck!

Answer 4

10th of April 2010 is a while a way - but trust me it will go quick.

Me & my partner both want children immediately but we are both old fashioned at heart & both want to do the right thing & wait till our wedding day. It is something we want to do, we want to do the right thing & show our children that we waited till we were married.

I mean dont get me wrong if we were to be blessed with a child before we would be over the moon but it isnt something we are planning before the wedding day. We had a 12 month engagement & i didnt really want to wait that long either but it goes so quickly. You will be so busy organising your wedding that time will fly by. My advice though is it sounds like you guys are not living together yet - why not do this before your wedding, im not old fashioned in that step i think its better for your relationship to experience life living together before making that huge step.

Best of luck to you & trust me time will fly by.

Answer 5

Congrats on the wedding

Can you afford to have children right now.......Do you have a home for them.....are you able to take care of everything they will need when they get here.....This would be a good ideal.....You and him...go to the stores.....a few of them....and write down the prices of everything they will need just the first 6 months ..........for 1 baby.........Both of you ask your parents what they think you will need....and go shopping with out going shopping......Then you will know first hand what kind of money you will need.....And don't think about someone giving you a baby shower...because.....some want be able to buy  anything...and the ones that do ...may only get you one thing........So...go to your mom and his mom and .....ask them to help you with a list...............And after that......see how much just your living expenses will be...you know lights.....gas...rent.... or house payment....plus car payments unless they are already paid for.....well, you get the ideal........Have a great wedding !!

Answer 6

Do it the right way.  

There will be plenty of time to have children.

Right now you have enough on your mind with starting to plan your upcoming wedding.  It may not be until 2010 but you really should start looking into the Church, hall and photographer.  

Having a baby and trying to plan a wedding will be to stressful.  Trust me.  

You are doing a wonderful thing marrying on his grandparents 60th Anniversary.   Giving them a grandchild 9 months after the wedding will be another wonderful gift to them.  Wait !  

Answer 7

1. how old are you guys?

2. are you living together with one of the parents?

3. I think it is a bad idea to show up their 60th anniversary with your own wedding. That is an AMAZING day for them, but it will be all about you. Change it to next year so you share an anniversary WITH them, but you don't take over THEIR day.

Answer 8

change the date of your wedding

1 - live your life for you and your fiance, you want to be married and have children now, thats great, do it

2 - you tell the grandparents that upon reflection you dont want to steal their thunder, which is what you should have done in the 1st place IMO

have your time when it suits you, and let them have theirs, 60 years? they deserve to have a wonderful day, thats theirs alone

as you do on your wedding day

close family or not, dont do this to them, or you

both of you have your time

and enjoy

Answer 9

The 'right' way is to get married and THEN have children. If you want children now and are ready for the expense and the commitment, then get married now, if not, wait. Simple.

Answer 10

Why don't you just move it to April 10th 2009? You'll have 8 months to plan, still enough time, and you can still tribute his grandparents by using their anniversary, just the 59th, not the sixtieth... Then just give a great double party for your first anniversary and their 60th! Double celebration!

This way there is a nice compromise, you still celebrate and honor their anniversary, you get it done asap, and get to start a family soon, all while doing things "the right way"...

Good luck, hon... hope everything turns out ok...

Answer 11

I think you either need to wait to have kids or move the wedding date up. No one will care if you change your mind and get married sooner except maybe his grandparents, but they will understand too.  

Answer 12

Why are you asking us how to live your lives?  It's scary that you two can't even make up your minds.

Do the RIGHT thing. . . and you've already told us what it is.

Answer 13

Time for you to come up with an earlier date. You know it's best to get married before having a child - and not just for moral reasons.

Somehow that date has been stuck in your mind, and it surely doesn't have to be. Plan a new date which is all 'yours'.

Answer 14

the way i see it, its awesome that you guys wanna have kids already. but having kids is a big step and you have to ask urself if ur ready to devote most of ur time to ur kids. becuz once you have kids, thats all you'll have time for. and if you two have really decided that you want to have kids, why dont you move the date of the wedding up? and if you two decide to have kids before ur wedding, just remember that having a baby will be pretty hectic and so is planning a wedding...

but whutever you two decide to do, your family wont hate you and i'm sure they'll still love you and understand if you do decide to have kids before the wedding. there is no 'right' way nowadays...

congrats and good luck! :)

Answer 15

What really is the 'right way'??? An old testimate propiganda saying that if you concieve a child out love and devotion before a legal cerificate of marriage makes you a sinner and your child a b*****d?  Or that you and your partiner knows what is 'right' for the two of you.  its 2008...You two seem to have all the bases covered and if you want to have a baby now, I am sure you wont have to wear the scarlett letter.  Do whats right for you...not the rest of the world...

congrats on your happiness..

Answer 16

then you wait until after you are married to begin having children.  That date isn't very far off--it's less than 2 years away.

If his grandparents are the old fashioned type then they won't appreciate you deliberately beginning your family before you marry and your sweet gesture of beginning your married life their 60th wedding anniversary means nothing.

if starting your family is more important than waiting for that wedding date then plan for a wedding on their 59th anniversary instead.  That date is 8 months away and if you start now you can probably plan an elegant and lovely wedding by that date.  OR you can just elope now, start your family and have a special party on their 60th where they and you renew your wedding vows.

You and your BF have to decide which is more important to you.  Having a certain wedding date or starting your family.  And only you and he can make that decision.

If it were my grandparents, while they would be flattered for me to have a wedding on their anniversary, they would much rather I marry when it is right for me.

Answer 17

I think that you will ultimately be happier if you wait.

Good things come to those who wait, right?

Answer 18

You know the answer.

Some things are well worth waiting for, and having a loving stable family in place when your children are born is certainly one of them. Its for the welfare of your children.

Answer 19

If it is that important to you to have a baby, change the wedding date.  I lost my virginity to my finace and then things never worked out.  It was of great dissapointment.  I should have waited to get married.  There are no guarentees in this world regardless, but my "right way" was important to me.  This was not a religous based decision.  When is your grandparents anniversary?  Are we talking years away?

Answer 20

Hi,

Just wait until you got married, plenty of time to get children.

Enjoy your free live, without children.

-R.

Answer 21

if both of you really wanted to have a baby before getting married then do it. if that makes you happy then do it. have children. it is not wrong to have children before marriage. just think if it makes you and your partner really happy. if it does then you should really have a baby. goodluck!

Answer 22

well its a little obvious, you have to put it on hold first until after the wedding cause if you do it right now you might regret it during the wedding but if you do it after there's nothing to regret...

this is also a chance to strengthen your relationship, and also your self control, try to do everything you can too keep your marriage a pure one