Engagement- a good ideA?

Question

i am about to turn 19. my boyfriend is about to turn 20. we want to get engaged w/in the next few months but get married in 2011 when he's finished w/ college & while i'm in my last year. we are ready. are parents are supportive. can anyone tell me why we shouldn't? like from an experience or something? thanks

Answer 1

Well my advice would be, that since you are planning on having such a long engagement (3 yrs) that you wait for the engagement part. It's great that you can plan ahead but so much will change in these next few years that I think it would be smarter to wait with the engagment at least another 1 1/2 - 2 years.

If you are set on having something to signify the seriousness of your relationship, you could have him buy you a promise ring. It would be less expensive than an engagement ring and probably not a diamond but it would signify that you want to be together forever but you are waiting until the right time.

This way the whole planning of the wedding gets held of a little and then if something does not work out (not saying it won't, but you never know) then you don't have all the time and ahem, $$$$! invested into a wedding that is so far down the road.  

Answer 2

Well my first question to you is, what does it matter from our experience? If you are in love and this is something you want to do then go ahead, you will do what you want to do anyway.

But first, you have to think of everything before deciding to tie the knot, like how will you two support one another financially? Will you two have insurance? That is an important thing to think of.  Where will you live?

Always think of the future and can you see yourself with him in 10 years? 20? Even moreso?  With divorce rates as high as they are....

Then there is the question of kids.  Are you ready to start a family? Things happen as we all are aware so you have to be prepared for everything.  My sister married at 18 had her first kid at 18 and ended up with 4 and was never happy.  Ended up getting divorced (costly expense & miserable on all parties involved).

Not saying it is all bad.  Marriage can be a wonderful thing full of laugh and fun but you both have to be willing to stay committed and to work through ANYTHING that comes knocking at your door.  Life isn't easy, neither is marriage.  It takes hard work and dedication.  

But I must say kuddo's for waiting until he is out of college and when you have one year left, although i'd wait until you graduated as well.  Life has a funny way of twisting and you may not end up finishing otherwise.

Good luck to the both of you and hope it all works out for the best.

Answer 3

You are young. But if you know what you want and he's really who you see yourself with when you're 75 years old then go for it. Just know what you want and finish school too. This way both of you will be more stable emotionally and financially and able to afford a wedding, and a life.

If you're planning to marry in three years, then there's no problem in getting engaged. Just don't set a firm date until a year before the planned date and go ahead that way. This way, if you still wish to wait and are not financially ready, you haven't made any deposits etc.

All the best.

Answer 4

I strongly feel that a couple isn't ready for marriage (or engagement) until both have finished their educations/schooling, have lived independently and supported themselves both emotionally and financially.  

Also, if you're having to ask a bunch of complete strangers on the internet if it's a good idea, then something in you probably thinks it isn't such a hot idea.  Why rush getting engaged?  If it's right now, it will be right after you're both finished with school.  Concentrate on your educations right now, that's what you're supposed to be doing.  Wait until YOU'VE graduated to marry.  

Answer 5

You're going to get rude answers from people on here because they're all bitter. But you seem as though you have a good head on your shoulders. I don't' think it's that bad if you get engaged now and wait until 2011 to actually marry. It gives you both time to save and plan the wedding of your dreams.

Have fun with it and congrats!

Answer 6

Nowadays many people chose to date for a long time knowing that they're going to get married, and have the engagement as "ok, we can start planning now" time. However, there is nothing wrong with getting engaged early. We did that (although it's not actually that long an engagement), because we felt that since our relationship had progressed to the point where we (and a lot of other people) knew for certain that we'd get married, we might as well make it official. (Our delay was also to wait until I graduated and he was done his thesis).

However, it is a lot more awkward to split up once you're engaged (and an engagement is an appropriate time to do so, better then than being unhappy all your life). Perhaps you could do your premarital counselling now (before you get engaged) and then announce your engagement.

Either way, you seem to be quite sensible about this. I wish you all the best.

Answer 7

I say go for it. My husband proposed to me before he left for the Air Force.We were both 18, and now we've been married for almost 2 years.  Do what you guys feel is right. Don't worry about what people are saying, because they talk c**p all the time. I'm happy that you're considering your education first, which is great!I wish you guys luck :D

Answer 8

no, from what you say, i can't any reason not to.  you're being very wise in waiting for the actual marriage, so getting engaged now will just solidify your commitment to each other.  yes, you're both still very young, and yes, you still may change your minds...but you're making a commitment which is a good thing, and much easier to undo than actually getting married at this age.

i got married at age 19 (he was 22) and it was a HUGE mistake!!  i was pregnant, and it took spending the next 10 years in h**l to undo it...not to mention, s******g up myself, my son AND my daughter.

best wishes!!  congratulations!!  and good luck!!

Answer 9

I would say if the intent is there, there really isn't a need for a formal engagement.  And if you're intent is to marry far in the future, I'd say go together and pick out a promise ring--something serious but not quite as serious, you know?  Then, when you're closer to the date he can surprise you with an engagement ring and you can be excited for it! Good luck!