English Research Paper Advice. Please read and help?

Question

Ok so here is my first paragraph.

Imagine going to live in a completely new home with complete strangers. This is what happens when children are adopted. Whether you adopt a child from a foreign country or the United States it is important they have a safe and comforting home. Adoption has three processes to adopt a child, affects parents and children, and has many laws and issues.

My thesis is..... Adoption has three processes to adopt a child, affects parents and children, and has many laws and issues.

How can i improve this.

My subtopics are......

Adoption has three processes to adopt a child

Adoption affects parents and children,

and

Adoption has many laws and issues.

How can i reword these.

Pleas help me. Thank you...

Answer 1

Maybe it's just me, but from reading this it makes it sound like adoption is a bad thing.  Consider all the positives from adoption- dont make it sound like it's just full of problems and laws and issues...etc.  The fact that these children's mothers decided to have them and not abort them is a blessing.

Answer 2

AMEN to Erica's answer- this site seems so negative it gives abortion a good name, which is horrible.  Yes, adoption effects birth parents, child and adoptive parents- but think what abortion does!>

Answer 3

http://www.adoption-articles.com/debate_...

Answer 4

- i would re-write the thesis statement.  as it reads now, it's slightly wordy and rambles a bit.

-give operational definitions of the "three processes."  anything that your reader has confusion with, indicates more clarity is needed.

-narrow your subtopics.  adoption is a HUGE subject matter and can very overwhelming.  even if you have to have 3, you can make them related to each other... for example "adopt adoptee's experience", "access to birth records", "adoption reform issues for adult adoptees."

is this an informative or persuasive paper?  from your opening paragraph it read persuasive.  if so, then what you propose is appropriate.  if the purpose is simply to inform readers about adoption, then it does read a bit biased.  also, watch the informality of the writing.  i'm not sure your grade level (high-school is usually less strict) but if you are a college student, most essays and papers are a bit more formal.

see my example:

"Imagine going to live in a completely new home with complete strangers. This is what happens when children are adopted."  

more formal:

"Adoption has myriad dynamics.  Most salient are that children are raised outside of their traditional family of origin, usually due to the biological parent's inability to parent. In addition, many theorize that  adopted children perceive their adoptive parents as unfamiliar."



good luck.

ps. check out the "writing tips" from Purdue University.  it's a very good resource for writing research papers...

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/

Answer 5

Speaking as a freshman English prof, your thesis is difficult to understand at this point.  I don't know what is meant by "adoption has three processes to adopt a child." "[A]ffects parents and children" is evident and need not be stated unless you have something more specific to say about HOW it affects them, and which parents you mean (adoptees have two sets of parents).  "[H]as many laws and issues" is also vague--what sort of issues and laws will you be addressing?

Most importantly, this thesis fails to state your position.  It doesn't matter, for purposes of writing the paper, whether you want to speak against adoption, for adoption, for adoption reform, to compare and contrast certain types of adoption, etc--but you have to decide what your opinion is and announce it in your thesis.  

I can tell you are trying to contain your entire argument in the thesis, which is absolutely the right thing to do--but I can't tell what your argument or position is yet.  Exactly what do you want to inform your audience about?  Adoption is a huge topic; you probably need to address a specific aspect of it.

Answer 6

The umbrella in adoption is far greater than 3 processes.

You'll have to outline exactly what avenues you want to cover because covering the entire umbrella would be a book, or maybe even two or three.

In my opinion you should focus on the adoptees, and our rights and lack of rights. Yes, we do get entrusted into the care of strangers who become our parents. You can cover the industry of adoption and how price of infants and children vary depending on "special needs" which consist of race and developmental disorders and attachment issues that categorize adoptees as hard to place. Is America racist? Why are WHITE infants in the greatest demand? why are all other races classified as special needs? why do the foster care children get left behind ? The early life of an adoptee, and often into childhood and adolescence isn't pretty, it would be wonderful to see a paper on this aspect of adoption, instead of adoption as seen from the adoptive parents eyes, which is covered so often. You should definitely include that in the United States 44 states deny adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption records. Many of us are having a protest for the Adoptee Rights Demonstration protesting our sealed records. There is an entire reform movement going on in this country and around the world for the equal rights of adopted children and adults.

good luck and email me if you'd like any help! I think you're on the right track!

Answer 7

I would say take the "has three processes to adopt a child" out of the paragraph and just write:

Adoption affects parents and children and there are also many legal issues.