Enlgish (Urgent): Could you please correct some grammar mistakes in this letter?

Question

July 18, 2008

Re: I don’t know what to write in this part

To Whom It May Concern:

The applicant, Yujin Lee, is applying for a student permit. I am an applicant, Yujin Lee’s aunt, who is living in Canada and is a custodian for her now.

Yujin’s mother booked their airline tickets in June and they both are booked in July 30, 2008. We have been looking for a house to live in the city named Langley city for a long time, where there is the school Yujin will attend. We are living in Vancouver currently, and we are moving to Langley at the end of July, 2008.

The problem is that we received an Acceptance Letter from Langley School District in Canada on July 14th because my husband and I found our home in the city recently. We should have found our home early than that, but it was very difficult for us to find a place to live. We had to give our new home address to the school district in order to get the Acceptance Letter. Yujin’s mother said that she received the Acceptance Letter July 18.

We know it will take several days to get a student visa produced. I was told that 10 or 20 % of those students’ applicants for a student visa is produced in two days if the entire documents that Canadian Embassy requires are completely prepared.

We have prepared all the documents that we need perfectly. We hope that we will be in the small percentage of the group. For your understanding, I have attached the Airline Itinerary that we received from a travel agency and.

Sincerely,

x*x

Answer 1

To Whom It May Concern:

The applicant, Yujin Lee, is applying for a student permit. I amYujin Lee’s Aunt, (insert your name here). I will be her custodian while she is living in Canada.

Yujin will be arriving on July 30, 2008. We are looking to settle in Langley, where  the school Yujin will attend is. We are living in Vancouver currently, and hope to move to  Langley by the end of July, 2008.

We have received an  Acceptance Letter from Langley School District in Canada on July 14th, 2008.  We know it will take time to get a student visa produced. I understand that 10 to 20 % of  students’ applicants are released in a few days if the entire documents that the Canadian Embassy requires are completely prepared. We are confident that we have completed all neccessary documentation.

Please find attached the Airline Itinerary that we received from a travel agency.

Sincerely,

Answer 2

The first paragraph is a little confusing. Are you and your nephew both applicants? It sounds as though you are. I skimmed the letter quickly and only found a couple things. In the third paragraph change early to earlier. Also, the very last sentence has an "and" at the end. That shouldn't be there unless the rest of the sentence was cut off.

Finally, in the "re" line (which is short for "regarding"), you would want to put a very short statement of the subject of the letter. For example, I might put: "Re:  Application for Student Permit on Yujin Lee."

That was well written if English is not your primary language. I've heard that English is the most complex language out there! :) Best wishes.

Answer 3

(friends) that helped me, capitalize the D(Department), just one more correction(written) I am her aunt.