Entertain Me With A Joke Best Joke 10 Points!

Question

C'mon Make Me Laugh!

Answer 1

These situations are all from Chowder, a cartoon rated as Y7.

3 people, Chowder, Mung, and Shnitzel, are stuck in a bathroom. Chowder needs to pee really badly, but can't because there are 2 other people, and he doesn't trust them because they are old and ugly. Chowder claims that he really needs to pee, or he will explode. Mung tells him, "You won't explode, but something worse will happen..."

Chowder asks, "What?!"

Mung replies, "We will drown."

"Gross."

Okay, now this situation is about telling jokes. If you don't know, Shnitzel can't say anything except for "Radda." So everthing he says is "Radda radda radda."

Shnitzel wants to tell a nasty joke, but Chowder is a child.. Mung says it is perfectly fine to tell a joke in front of children. Shnitzel goes on with his joke and as he tells his nasty joke, he dangles his thumb to help his audience visualize the joke. Mung gets really hot from hearing the joke and says, "Bad boy, you. Bad boy."

Answer 2

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,"I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask himsome questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with! a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Bubble gum"

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last even questions wrong......

Answer 3

A Europeon guy, an Asian guy, and an American are at this cliff. There is a sign that says "jump down and yell an object and you will fall on it." So the European guy jumps and says fluff. He falls on fluff safely. The Asian guy jumps and yells cotton. He also falls safely. The American guy runs full speed... but slips.     "****!!!!"

Answer 4

I find jokes lame in general haha but this is a website that I love! I laugh so much ... ok i I laugh at people but come on some of them are really out there... hope you'll like it even if it's not a joke :)

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

oh and also I love the website http://www.abrutis.com there's some really funny videos

I know it's bad that I love so much mocking others (no nastily though :), but better laugh than cry no?

Though there is one I quite like :)

Three women are waiting for their interviews to become air hostesses. They all have to answer to the same question:

"If you had to land on a deserted island and you are the only female survivor with 40 men, what would you do?"

"I would kill myself straight away" says the spanish woman

" I will teach them discipline and honor" answers the german one

"Well, I understand your question,says the french girl, but I don't see where the problem is"

(i'm french so no i dont hate french i just thought it was funny :) )

Answer 5

Dance like a hot potato!!

Answer 6

So, oneday there was a father and son who had a chicken farm.

It was very hot outside, so the chicken didnt lay any eggs.

At dinner time the father tells his son " We only have 5 eggs left, so we gotta split an egg for each meal, so the eggs can last till the end of the week. I know you are hungry but it's all we have."

The son just nodded. After dinner they went to bed.

Then around midnite when the father was knocked out, the son gets up, goes to the kitchen and quietly gets out the eggs and fries them.

After he ate all the eggs, he got some super-glue, glued the egg shells together and put them back in the fridge. Then he went back to sleep.

The next morning the father gets up and starts to prepare breakfast. He gets the eggs and cracks the egg but nothing, then he cracks the second egg and nothing. Now he is getting furious, he cracks another egg and nothing. Now his face is turning red of anger. Finally cracks the last egg and still nothing. Now he is totally pissed.

He gets his shotgun and rushes out to the chicken pen and points his shotgun at the chicken and asks "Which one of you are wearing bloody condoms?"

Answer 7

im doing my part,i recycle old jokes.

Answer 8

I duck walks into a bar and says to the barkeeper "Hi there, have you got any books?"

The bartender says, 'Sorry mate, we are a bar.  No books."

The duck says, "you got any books?"

The bartender a little more harshly, "No, we are a BAR.  No Books."

The duck says, "ah, so you got any books?"

The bartender says, "No we have no frigging books.  And if you ask me that one more time I am going to nail your beak to the bar.

The ducks says, 'Have you got any nails?'

the bartender says, "NO I don't"

The duck smiles and asks, 'So you got any books?"

Answer 9

what do you call a cow who jumps over a barbwire fence??

udder destruction

Have you heard of the movie g*y people say synonyms of no?(that's better to pull on someone else)

I cant tell you the worst joke i've ever heard but i can tell you about wurst sausage!!

idk any more.

Answer 10

Three cowboys — from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas—are sitting around a fire. The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, “Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands.”

The Arkansan replies, “Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away.”

The Texan stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his p***s.

Answer 11

There were two blondes as roommates and they both bought mice. When they got home the first blonde said, "How are we going to tell them apart?"

The second blonde said, "Why don't we take one and chop off one of its legs?"

But during the night the mouse with four legs said to the mouse with three legs, ''That's not fair -- I want three legs too.'' So the mouse with three legs told him to eat one of his legs. And so he did.

The next morning the blondes were upset about this so they did the same thing as the day before. But again the mouse with three legs ate one of his legs. This went on until both mice had no tails and legs. Then one of the blondes shouted, ''All right, that's it! You take the black one and I'll take the white one!''

Answer 12

yo momma

Answer 13

why'd your mama cross the road???

cause she was stapled to the chicken!!!

HAHhAHAH!

answer mine!-

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

edit: to pick one as best answer wait a couple of hours and there should be blue buttons under each one saying "pick as best answer" =)

Answer 14

Its not a joke its a pick up line. Do you live on a chicken farm? Cause you sure know how to raise a c**k.

Answer 15

2 men walk into a bar  -  ouch!

--------------------------------------...

stupidity:   http://hikinghq.net/images/stupidity.jpg

Answer 16

yo life is the best joke...

Answer 17

I must be God, because whenever I pray at night I know I'm talking to myself.

Answer 18

A small guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He's sitting there minding his own business when a huge guy walks over and hits him around the head for no reason.

"That's Tae-Kwon-Do from China," he sneers.

The little guy just lets it go and carries on drinking. The big guy comes back and hits him again.

"And that's Karate from Japan."

The little guy gets upset and leaves the bar. He comes back a little while later and hits the big guy around the head. He turns to the bartender and says "when he wakes up, tell him that's a shovel... from Homebase."

Answer 19

Jose and Carlos are panhandling on the freeway ramp. Jose has a mortgage free house and is driving a new Mercedes and every day he takes a briefcase full of $10 bills home. Finally Carlos couldnt stand it anymore and says "d**n man, how do you do it? I'm lucky if I take home 50 bucks!" "Its your sign" says Jose. "Yours says. Please help, I have no job, no home and six kids to feed and shelter" "So", says Carlos. "Let me see your sign". He look at Joses sign and it read "I need just $10 more dollars for my move back to Mexico!".

Answer 20

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.  George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?  George Carlin

"If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia." Thomas Szasz

"I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there." - Joel Hodgson

A fly without wings should be called a "walk".

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."- W.C. Fields

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk." - Stephen King

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Phillips

Answer 21

lol i used this one on an ex- boyfriend:

wow. i was trying to imagine you with a personality. but since i cant, how about we make a deal, if i throw a stick, will you leave???

~then he tried to touch me~

by the way, did i mention the kick in the groin you will be recieving if you touch me?

  

Answer 22

Johny's at skool,the teacher says find three words that ryme for ur homework,when Johny gets home he goes upto his mum nd says what are three words that ryme? His mum says bite me,Johny goes upto his dad nd says what are three words that ryme? His dad says shut up

Johny goes upto his lil brother nd says what are three words that ryme? His brother says da na na na na bat man,when Johny goes to skool the next day,his teacher says did u find them? He says bite me,teacher goes excuse me? Johny says shut up,teacher goes who do u think u are? johny says da na na na na bat man

lol :D

Answer 23

difference between a beer and a booger?

beer goes on top of the bar

Answer 24

why did the chicken cross the road , he got bored of ur questions

Answer 25

What happened to the guy who took loads of viagra thinking they were sleeping pills?

He had 40 wa nks!