Ethics of inter-country adoption?

Question

I really want to adopt children from overseas. But almost all the inter-country adoption stories I've read about make me feel really uncomfortable about adoption.

The majority of international adoption stories I've heard, are adoptive parents adopting a child who already has a family. Their family (or mother) is too poor to look after them. Often there are 6+ other children in the family, and the parents cannot provide for them all even though they love them.

Why do good people go over to these countries, and adopt children/siblings who already have a mother or a family who love them? Yes, these children were living at an orphanage - but that is only because the family are too poor to care for them. It seems far better to financially support the family/mother so that the child can live with them > instead of adopting the child, and leaving the family to suffer the tragic loss of their loved birth-child.

Answer 1

A woman after my own heart!

I had an opportunity years ago to take a Director position at a new adoption agency.  When I interviewed, I was told they wanted to go overseas and begin an adoption program in Vietnam.  At first, the thought was so exciting -- exotic, beautiful country, beautiful children!  I was naiive.  I met a businessman shortly after beginning my new job, and he had much to tell me about his 20 years of experience doing business in Vietnam.  The company he worked for, a big Oil/Gas Company, supported and sponsored an orphanage there.  Everytime any of them would travel to Vietnam, they would take loads of supplies -- clothing, sheets, blankets, toys, coloring books, crayons, pencils, books -- all for the children at the orphanage.  Once there, they would travel to a local market and have a truckload of fresh chickens delivered, along with fresh fruits and vegetables -- all things never available or seen at the orphanange.  Well, eventually, after many many trips and loads of supplies from generous Americans and Brits, this man caught on to what was happening.  He became suspicious when fellow workers would travel to Vietnam the next week after he had left, and visited the orphanage, only to find the children sitting in tattered clothes, playing with trash, looking tragically thin, and not a pencil in sight.  They put their heads together and ordered more chickens and fruits/vegetables.  Another visit was made in the evening after this delivery, and the staff of the orphanag was observed carrying the chickens and supplies home -- some to their own families, and some sold to their neighbors for a profit.  Poverty begets some tragic consequences.

Another observation the employees of this company made -- poor mothers and fathers, holding their infants, crying -- and handing over their babies to a "Middleman", who took the child to the orphanage.  These desperate parents offered the only thing they had -- their children -- in exchange for enough money to fee their others at home for months.  Price?  Maybe $50.

I wanted nothing, nothing to do with this tragedy.  Some people might justify all of this by saying -- But this would happen even if no one adopted from there!  Maybe.  But I wasn't going to see.  I left the agency and applied for a position with a domestic agency, where at least I could work face to face with birthmothers and provide them adoption counseling, and cold see that they were freely making a decision they wanted to make.  And where pencils and coloring books did not line the pockets of unscrupulous staff while children starved.    

Is this every international adoption?  Certianly not!  But why take a chance?  You can specifiy with any adoption to adopt a child whose birthmother has died, or whose rights were terminated by the courts due to abuse or neglect.  And, yes, there are organizations where you can sponsor the family, or the child, so they can stay in their family or country.  Feed the Children, or Children International are two of them.  There are many.  Check them out carefully, too.

Answer 2

I have no idea where you are getting your international adoption stories but what you have written is just not true.

The fact of the matter is that there are poor countries. There are countries that value male children more than female children and the people are poor but that does not mean the people of these countries do not love their girls. It is mind boggling to think of the amount of money it would take finacially support every poor family in the world.

Russia and many of the Eastern European countries are very poor. Birth parents addicted to drugs and alcohol. Many of the children in the orphanages are placed there after their parents have tried to provide for them but cannot feed them. Once placed they don't have family visits every day. They are placed there in hopes that they will be adopted and live a better life than what the parents can provide. Parental rights are terminated. They have no legal obligation or right to make decisions or to see these children again.  Do these children deserve to be left in understaffed and poorly operating orphanages?

In many cultures unwed mothers are torn between wanting to keep their children but the consequences are too great. If they keep their children they desperately want, they will never marry and will be shunned by their families by doing so. Do those children deserve to remain in an orphanage?

China has laws that prevent birth parents from having more than one child. They do not have social security and are very poor. Their culture dictates that the son cares for his aging parents and tends to the farming which the family needs to survive. The terrible consequence of that is millions of abandoned baby girls. In the rural areas they are allowed to try for a second child if the first is a girl but those second born girls are also abandoned. In the large cities they are strictly limited to one child... period. Do these children deserve to be left in orphanages?

There is a lot of corruption in some countries but the US does a pretty decent job of reacting when it is discovered. They closed down Vietnam and Cambodia for this very reason. They have recently reopened Vietnam. Many of these children were born to prostitues and and families who just cannot afford to feed them and clothe them. Do these children deserve to be left in orphanages?

Here in the US we have many of the same problems. Babies born to drug addicts, unplanned pregnancies by young single mothers and fathers who cannot support their children. These parents are not living on less than $300 per year like many of the foreign countries.  The big difference is that the stigma of unplanned pregnancy is not as great as it was 20 or 30 years ago, there are adoption agencies lining up with people to adopt these infants, and it is not illegal to place a child for adoption. In some countries it is illegal to place a child for adoption. China does not allow it. In the USA we do not have orphanages anymore. We have children in foster care but the majority of the children in foster care are not free for adoption. Their birth parents have a case plan to correct the difficiencies in their lifestyle that put their children at risk. If they are successful they will ahve their children returned to them. If they are not, their children will be taken from them.

There are so many children in this world that need homes and not one of them is in the position they are in because of something they did. Please do not look down upon the families that open their hearts and homes to a child in need of a family. They did not cause the problems in these other countries, they are trying to expand their families (in some cases of infertility simply to have children) and to offer help one child at a time.

Answer 3

There are plenty of countries that don't do that "issue".  I know, a few years ago in Ukraine the birth mother's HAVE to visit the children until they are adopted (at least that's what I remember).  It's not a matter of wanting to.

Also, birthcontrol isn't exactly an option for many families either and children come and go because they can't do jack about it.  Who says those kids are getting the love they deserve or love at all?

Kids in the states have the same problem, parents put theirs up for adoption because they can't afford to take care of them...not that they don't want them.  You will always have that story regardless of where you live.

Answer 4

Interesting question - and one I have struggled with. However, once you go to a country like India or China, you will see that most of the kids in the orphanage are actually abandoned. So, they really don't have loving family that wants them. That is something you need to check with the orphanage.

Frankly, I don't know how Madonna managed to get the Malawian boy - I thought Hague convention prevented such "adoptions". By the convention, you can only use certain organizations and they usually pick "ethical" orphanages because it's their reputation at stake.

As for ethics: there are two sides to it

1. Love is fine but a child needs food and education too. A loving parent that can't provide food is going to ensure that the child's chance of survival goes down. Not to mention poor sanitation. I am not dissing them, but unfortunately, their countries are poor and children suffer. The child finds an equally loving parent here (or other western countries) and, in addition, lots of opportunities...

BTW, beating a child is extremely common in those countries.

2. As for the adoption "organizations" - it's become a mainstream business. They see the desperation that people have for children and get as much money as they possibly can.

Finally, your last question: Several organizations have this type of "sponsoring". I go to Save the Children... the child stays with his parents, grows up with his family and I support his/her education and medical needs. I would like to see them, but I can't go to their conutries often to visit... Besides, they still have to face the strife and unsafe practices (food, traffic, beatings in school and home, toys...) in their own countries, so I always worry about their safety.

Bottomline: if you ensure that the child was, in fact, abandoned, there is nothing wrong with adoption. Even if the child was given up by the parents because they could not feed him/her, there is not a whole lot wrong with it because love is good but love alone doesn't help a child.

Answer 5

Amelia we can not save the world.

There's a children's song I remember from church. "Brighten the corner where you are"

Perhaps in NZ there are no orphans or abused children. If so yo have a wonderful scarcity. We in the US have no such problem. The movie stars etc. who rush to some foreign country to adopt children are just doing so for the publicity. Most of them have been out of the news for a while and want any publicity they can get. It is not about saving children it is about publicity. Sorry kid. You have good motives. International adoption=bad idea.

Answer 6

It is a very important ethics quetion to make sure that relinquishment of a child happened willingly and without coersion of any kind.  If you do adopt internationally, I think it is important to ask questions and be comfortable that the program you choose is ethical.  I don't think what you are talking about is coersion, though.  It is sad to realize that some families are so poor that they cannot take care of a child, but not adopting a child doesn't change that reality.  Also, there are some programs (China) where children are abandoned (because there is no legal way to relinquish a child for adoption), so the birthfamily is not even known and they certainly aren't caring for the child.  Adoption is certainly better for these children than living in an institution.

Answer 7

I think I understand your point however, there are more than jsut those issues to consider. If money were not an issue for anyone, there would undoubtedly be far fewer babies up for adoption in the whole world. In this country, many babies are put up for adoption because their birhtparents don't have enough money to raise them. Abuse and neglect are definitely tied to stress and lack of resources to support the baby and family -- not always money but, it is often certainly a factor. There's no question that many of the babies given up for adoption in this country also ahve families that love them and would keep them if the circumstances were different, just as in other countries.

The ethics of adopting children rather than providing the resources so those children can remain with their original families is far reaching and not an easy topic. When i adopted my two children, I did not do it to help "save the world." I did it because I wanted children and I wanted to create a family for myself. I do not feel that it was my responsibility (any more than it is any one elses) to offer the families of these children money to keep them instead of adopting the children that they had put up for adoption. I think what you are proposing is an entirely different thing -- I'm completely in favor of helping to support poor families in this country and all over the world so that they can stay togehter and raise happy and healthy children that have their financial needs provided for. It'd be even better if we could educate people (it is proven to work better to educate the women) so they know when and when not to have babies and so they become capable of supporting themselves in all but the most devestating of circumstances.

Answer 8

We adopted from Guatemala.  In our adoption process the birth mom had to sign a form giving up parental right THREE SEPARATE TIMES during the year long process.  She had to come by her own free will and sign the forms.  At any time she could have backed our or just not shown up, and that would have stopped or halted the process.  However, she signed each time.  

Poverty was an issue in my son's case.  However, his mom was also no longer with his father and was living with another man and having his twins when she decided to put him up for adoption.  She had done the same thing with her first born when my son was born by a different man than her firstborns father.  

So you see, YES, my son has a family back in Guatemala.  He has a mom and a dad and 3 siblings.  And, yes, I guess we could have just handed over the money to his mom instead of paying for the adoption.  But I can't even begin to imagine what kind of life he would be living if he was growing up in that kind of environment.  

Before everything was final I requested to meet with her, I even had a letter sent to her.  But she did not meet with me.  I wanted to help however I could...I wanted to help her children that she still was raising.  But she was done.  

Every situation is different.  But in my case, I KNOW my son has a better chance in our family than he ever would have left in Guatemala.  I hope he returns someday and finds his siblings.  I will encourage him to do so if he wants.  He will have nephews and neices in Guatemala some day.  And I will be more than happy to help them in any way that I can .

Answer 9

I have a cousin who my aunt and uncle adopted from china and she was in an ophanage because her mom left her out in a market place when she was 6 days old...the police found her and brought her to the ophanage where she had to go to the bathroom in a hole and drink cow's milk because they couldn't afford formula...After my aunt and uncle went and got her she came back here and knows all of her colors and how to spell them in English and about 300 other words because my aunt talks to her everyday...Which is a WAY better education than she would have gotten over in China where she had to share EVERY thing with someone else...so not every story is taking someone away from their family...some mother's just don't want children...expecially in China they are only allowed one child and if its a boy they can make more money...Just wanted you to know

Answer 10

Yes i think your right when you say that they should just financially support them. Im not sure why they take other peoples children away. If you feel as though you want to adopt someone overseas go for it! Just make sure your ready for the challenges that may come of this.