Etiquette: paying for your own birthday dinner?

Question

For my 22nd birthday next weekend, I have invited my friends for a night in San Francisco (we live all over the Bay Area). I have booked and paid for the hotel and have gotten us on the guest list for the club and am not expecting anyone to pay for that, but I don't know what to do about dinner.

The restaurants near the hotel (we'll be in SOMA for those of you familiar with the area) are fairly upscale, with entrees at $20-$30. I want it to be a dressy evening so I don't want to go to a diner. I also know that of all the girls going, I am the only one with a good job/salary so while in college it was ok for each person to pay for themselves and even split the birthday girl's dinner, I'm not sure it applies now. With about 6 people going, it's not going to be cheap.

I guess to sum up, my question is do I pay for everyone at a restaurant I'd really like to go to, do I pick a nice restaurant and see what happens, or do I go somewhere much cheaper that I know they'd be able to each pay at?

Answer 1

Since you are fronting the bill for the hotel and you did the legwork for the guest list, why should you have to pay for your own dinner?  If there are about 6 people attending, it shouldn't be a problem for them all to split your dinner (as you mentioned was what you normally do).  Bottom line, it's your birthday, do what YOU want.

Answer 2

If you don't mind paying then go where you want to go.  If you want to pay or feel obligated but want something cheaper pick a less expensive restaurant.  But, since you are the one doing the inviting some people may think that you plan on paying especially if you choose a more expensive restaurant.  If you want them to pay then just ask "so, where are we going to eat tonight?"  and then maybe make a suggestion like "oh I love this one place but they are kinda pricey...what do you guys want to do?"  Good luck and happy bday

Answer 3

You're telling them ahead of time what the restaurant is.  If they think its too pricey they can opt out.  You're paying for their hotel and their club entrance. The least they can do is pay for their own meals.  I do not think you should have to pay for the others.  

Answer 4

I think you are a sweet and loving person to do all of that for yourself and your friends, but i think if your doing most of your party they should take in consideration and pay for the dinner and it should be where you want it. And order some Champagne "Have A Happy"    

Answer 5

If you picked up the bill for the hotel etc., then you had better plan on paying for the dinner. Even though they may all decide to pitch in when you get there and pay for their and yours also.

Answer 6

It's your birthday, you've already gone above and beyond by making the reservations. To be courteouss you should always let your guests know where they're going and how they should dress, etc. That way they knows AHEAD of time if they're going to need to work a little overtime to pay for dinner. It's your birthday, if you can at all help it, try to not let anyone pay for YOUR dinner, but as for themselves, you shouldnt' feel responsible for it. That can get really expensive in the future, if you do it once, it a high chance that they're going to expect that of you the next go-round. Going somewhere cheaper would be the best bet, you can all still dress nicely, like you were going to an upscale restaurant, you could probably have more fun at somewhere like an Applebees because they don't have a problem with you celebrating and being loud. Take that into consideration.

Answer 7

I say go all out it is your birthday!!!! You need to enjoy yourself!!! And I would just ask them about the pricing, and tell them that is the place you would love to go to.... do not settle for less on your birthday!!!!!

Happy Birthday!!!

Answer 8

My friends would NEVER let me pick up any of the bill! I just had my 30th bday and we went bowling and to a bar/club after. I planned on paying at least for my bowling game but they ended up paying for it and then at the bar/club all my drinks were paid for all night. I think it's sad that you have been paying for everything.. this is YOUR birthday.. they should be treating YOU!

Answer 9

I know it's a celebration of you and your birth, but it's also a celebration of your friendship.  They shouldn't expect you to pay and you've already paid or enough.  On the other hand, if they're giving you presents and spending time with you (esp the second part, maybe they lost pay requesting off work/hiring a sitter), they shouldn't have to shell out money.  I'd say go somewhere they can afford easily and they'll be more willing to pop for it.