Even with a need for two parents and a "need" for a "father", why is there a "need" for a "mother"?

Question

Far too often, I've heard that "Children need fathers" this and that...While I Don't really agree with that generalization, I have to ask the opposite...Why do children need mothers?

There are plenty of fathers who are great "mothers" as well...

Answer 1

Because in the "normal" family mom, dad and kids, dad is often the one who gives out discipline and the one who the kids tend to listen to most. However, in the real world not many families have mom and dad both. Mom is a single parent and doing her best and afraid to discipline the kids. I too was raised by a single Dad. My world was very cold and distant because my Dad only noticed when we did something wrong.Otherwise we were never given any kind of attention.

Answer 2

children need both parents. You never hear of the single father stories because society really isn't pittied to help us. But let me tell you this, for every friend I have that's grown up to be ok that lives with his/ her mother alone, there are 2 more that are somehow wayward. And even so, those from single families, still have an edge to them, e.g. cursing more, staying out later.

So, no matter how good a single mother thinks she is, please don't purposely prevent your children from having a father, if you wanted to prove your independence..you should have done so while you were still single. But now  that you have children, priorities have to change.

Answer 3

I completely agree with this. Every child needs role models, of course, but they don't have to come in the specific form of two parents as a mother and father. Some have one parent, mother or father, some have reconstructed families, some live with extended family or adoptive families, and not all of them have a "mother" and "father" actively guiding them through life. Most of them do very well.

Answer 4

After the nurturing of infancy, they don't need mothers. They need discipline. Males are better than females at disciplining.

Answer 5

It's usually only talked about as there's more fathers who aren't in the lives of children. Families come in all shapes and sizes, it doesn't mean if you are a single parent of either s*x, a couple of same s*x or not even the real biologicaly parents. If you are loving then your children will be lucky.

Answer 6

It's so the balance of the equilibrium is maintained and doesn't erupt the volcanoes within each of us under the moon.

Answer 7

Suppose it is 1850 and you are about to move your family from the East coast to the West.  You go to the local livery stable to get the means to move your family.  Now suppose they tell  you that you only need a covered wagon and you can forget the horses.  Would you get far?  Or they say you just need the horse, why get the wagon?  

In reality, they both compliment each other and you would need both of them.  

Children need a female mother and a male father.  Our creator designed this for a reason. Men and women do think differently and we have a different approach to raising children and both are very much needed.  

Proof of this is the fact that children are safest in an intact home with both biological parents

Answer 8

There is a need for both father and mother, IF your desired result is an optimal atmosphere for rearing a child. It's called balance. Yin and Yang. Two halves to make a healthy whole. Nature.

Answer 9

Exactly. You hardly see anyone complaining about the detrimental effects of single fatherhood, or how single fathers are destined to be dateless forever, or how they're a drain on society's limited resources, or whatever.

You ARE just playing devil's advocate here, right?

Answer 10

let me start by saying that i agree with you many father indeed are "great mothers." However when the mother is absent there is always a feeling that something is missing. Mothers tend to provide a biological comfort to children in particular that fathers cannot provide. Many surveys that have been conducted show a link between biology and mother-child attachment and need. Mothers also tend to be a little more nurturing and so forth.

Answer 11

As a single parent it's hard to be a father to your child. and it's hard to be a mother to your child.

In a perfect world we would have NO single parents. every child would have TWO parents. but this is NOT a perfect world. so the kids have to suffer.

Father's are so very important to the child's life because he can show them how to handle certain things. he can show them things a mother just can't.

A mother is very important also to the child. BOTH parents are needed. but like i said it's NOT a perfect world.

As a single parent how can you show your child just how important it is to have a mother or father in your life? I know this is not making much sense. it's hard for me to explain how it feels knowing I can NOT do better for my daughter. it's just hard to put into words how Important BOTH parents are in a child's life. God Bless

EDIT: It's also hard to hear no matter how hard you as a single mom try to do everything right. teach your  child right from wrong it's so hard to hear that your child NO matter what YOU do as a parent will grow up to be a drug dealer or a killer or something like that. that NO matter what you do your child is DOOMED because you are a single mom. from an HONEST mistake in life. it hurts when your told that. it really does.

EDIT 2:  I have NEVER tried to keep my child from her dad. He LEFT and wants NOTHING to do with her. but if he would ask me if he could see her I would let him in a minute. my daughter needs her daddy but do i put a gun to his head and MAKE him see her? how would that help my daughter?

NOT ALL single mothers keep their kids away from the fathers. some fathers NOT ALL choose to stay away.  then what do you do? well please tell me i would love to know.

Answer 12

While I disagree with you and think that children need at least a father figure (male role model) stable throughout their life, I also believe children need mothers (or female role models) in their life as well.

There are numerous studies stating the benefits of father in children lives and the dangers of not having one.  But I don't think we really know the dangers of children not having mothers because so many do.  It is rare that a child is raised solely by the father and thus, difficult to find statistics on.

I think looking at statistics children who have remained foster children throughout their childhoods, may provide some insight, but I don't think it is able to predict the benefits of having a mother and the risks of the absence of just the mother.

Rio, I completely agree with you, however I think this is probably due to the greater numbers of single mothers than single fathers as well as a lack of those advocating for men's rights.

Good question...I'm out to search for some answers.

Answer 13

Typically fathers and mothers assume different roles in their childrens' lives. They need both to be complete. Not to say that some fathers couldn't be great "mothers", etc. But typically speaking(and I'm sure you could say this is a stereotype if you want to) fathers tend to be more playful with their children but also better at disciplining. Whereas mothers are typically more nuturing and attentive.

Children are much better off if they have two people in their lives to fofill these roles. Whether they are a traditional father and mother or a family of a different sort (g*y couples, etc.).

Answer 14

I think all children ideally need two parents.  while one parent may be able to raise a child on their own, it's a lonely life.  Two parents are better.  I have a friend who is a single mother, and although she's done a good job with her three children, it's hard for her.  As I imagine would a man trying to raise three children on his own as well.  My husband is better at  mantaining discipline with our sons, but he has less patience with them than I do, and is less willing to enter into their enthusiasms if he doesn't happen to share them.  

One parent on their own may get by all right, but it's not an ideal situation.

Answer 15

Children need both a mom and a dad. And not just anybody, either - they need good parents. The male influence is just as important as the female influence. Kids thrive with both, and they suffer for lack of one or the other.

I think there's more focus on fathers these days because there are so many homes in which the father is no longer around full-time. Which is tragic, but people conveniently overlook the fact that it is at the behest of the mother that the children's dad isn't there. Divorces usually end with Mom having more custody than Dad, which is totally unfair and hurtful to the kids as well as to the father.

I don't agree with your last sentence though. Fathers can't be mothers, and mothers can't be fathers. We just can't. We can try but it isn't the same. My mom couldn't take my dad's place, and he couldn't take hers either. We can't replace one another because we are too different.

Answer 16

yeah I agree. I grew up living with my dad, who was a single parent, and he was a great father. But on the other hand, it sucks to always have that part of your family missing-mother or father. But I loved growing up with my brother and dad.

Answer 17

My mother died when I was 10 years old, just when I needed her the most. My father tore up his parent card at the funeral and he proceeded to slide from woman to woman leaving me to raise myself. So, my life has been colored by those events. In my never-to-be-humble opinion, we all need both parents very much, all our lives. Kids with both parents at home, even if they're not 'perfect', are so lucky.

A father can not be a mother and a mother can not be a father. There's just no substitute for the warmth and affection of a mother's love, nor the strength and guidance of a God fearing father. And please don't try to misconstrue that. Y'all know what I mean.

Men and women both have positive things to teach their children. It takes both to make a complete family. ♥ ∞

Answer 18

The s*x of the parent(s) and the fact that there are 2 is pretty useless.  There are children who have both a father and mother in their lives and they turn out to be little hooligans.  There are children in single parent homes who turn out to be great, civil people.  Generalizations don't apply to parenting, it all depends on the job done by the parent(s).

Answer 19

I'm curious to find out if children raised by single fathers have the same tendencies to be truant from school, to use drugs, to wind up pregnant before marriage and often before 18, and to drop out before graduating from High School as children raised by single mothers.  If there's any research out there on this I'm very curious to see it.

Answer 20

They don't....

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