Everyone is so concerned about teen moms, but what about adults who have unplanned babies/are not fit parents?

Question

I see everyone ragging on teen moms, saying that they can't be good parents.. but how do you know that adults will be any better?? My mom had me, unplanned, at 23. True, she is an adult, but that does not make her a fit parent. Within the next 4 years, she ended up with two more babies, all three of is with different men. 4 years later, she got married (only lasted 9 weeks) and had twins with this guy, who soon after hearing about the pregnancy abandoned us. Within the next four years, she again had two more kids, again, with two different men.

I just found out my mom is pregnant again with triplets, and I don't know what to do. My mom is a drug addict, and an alcoholic. She is very good about staying clean during the 9 month period, but the she goes right back to her bad ways. I usually end up doing most of the parenting, and going into high school soon, and with some of my siblings going into pre school/grade 1/middle school, I'm, not sure how much i can do for the new babies. I don't know what to do, or how to help my mom. She is not fit to have 7 kids, let alone 10! I don't wanna have to give up my future, paying for her mistakes. (not that im calling my sibs mistakes) but I want all of my sibs to have a good shot at life, and i feel like i am there only shot at giving it to them, but I cannot do that if I am going to school full time... I need to be home to raise the triplets when they come in Feb.

Please give me your advice!! I am so excited to go to high school, but I just dont know what to do about my family!!!

Any advice is appreciated, or even just words of encouragement!!

Answer 1

I agree, teenage parents are more likely to be irresponsible, but adults can be way worse. I guess all you can do is try to keep your mom from drugs, try to think of something that would really hurt her and threaten to do it if she doesnt stop. Remind her she has 10 children who need to be taken care of by their mommy, not their sister, and you want a chance at a good life, and want an education for that. And good luck with school starting, stay there! Youll have such a hard time having a good life without an education, and getting one is so easy compared to what you would have to do in life if you dont get one!!

Edit: Maddox, Sarah, and Lilian?

Second edit.. Lillian would be bad with a sister named Jillian. Maybe Grace?

Answer 2

I like Maddox, Zoe, and Kiera for the babies.

I am worried for you in this. A) I understand your siblings are not mistakes, but at the same time if your mom was more responsible, she would not have ten kids and be raising them by herself B) I would talk to your school counselor, honestly. I'm a bit worried about her reporting to Child Protective Services, but even with you, Emilee and Derek teaming up (and you all need parenting still yourselves) you are not mature enough to parent seven younger kids.

Understand, I'm impressed how you've coped so far! But all of you need to be in school yourselves and have time to develop and grow up. Taking care of kids all the time will not allow for that.

I'm sorry, I don't know what the answers are. Maybe you all can get a case manager to help navigate the help that's out there for respite babysitters, addiction treatment for your mom, after school programs for the school aged kids, etc.

Answer 3

Hi Mady, I admire the fact that you are raising your family, I'm sure everyone at home loves you for it too!

Odd thought... Has your mom ever talked about wanting to stay clean? Since she is able to during the 9 month period, maybe becoming pregnant is the easiest way for her to stay sober. Has rehab helped? I think this would be the best time to talk to her (or have someone else) about getting into a program. If she is pregnant and sober now she might be more apt to healing herself and learning to handle her addictions. And if rehab is successful she might be the one to stay home and take care of her babies come Feb. rather than you.

As odd as it sounds you might have to "grow up" with your mom, rather than under her wing... maybe suggest going on the pill together after the triplets come. I don't know your financial situation, but hiring a nanny would help. It's important that you go to school too!

Best of luck, and always remember you are such a wonderful person for being who you are, and what you do for your family.  

Answer 4

The teenage thing isn't what i look at but instead if they are doing what needs to be done for themselves and their baby.  I feel the same with adults.  I know teens that make great parents and some that are horrible at it.  The same with adults.  I know a 25 year old that should never have kids she just can't handle it but she thinks she is the worlds greatest mom even though CPS has already investigated 3 times.  

Answer 5

I don't think the kind of parent you are has anything to do with your age. I had a child young. I also had a friend who had a child young. I know parents of my daughters friends who are much older than me. Being a teenager has nothing to do with it. I have seen many teenage parents who are much more responsible than full grown adults and vice versa. On the flip side, I have seen some terrible teenage parents and great adult parents as well. It all comes down to your values, the kind of person you are, the things that you believe, that develop the kind of parent you are.  

Answer 6

exactly thats what im saying.  u could be an old hag and have a baby. and be a horrible mother.  i have a couple of freinds and they are so young like myself and have kids.  and let me tell u they gave up everything for their kids. they such good mothers. i really look up to them.  the way i see things is there shouldnt be an age limit when to have kids as long as u are a good mother u take care of ur kids. their clean they eat right and all that.  ur fine. people just love judge other people. it makes them feel better.  i say f them!  they could look at themselfs.