Everyone judges me for letting my 6 year old daughter be herself?

Question

My daughter Carleigh is 6 years old. She is a very kind, loving child. Yet I get judged because she is also very high matneince. She loves BRATZ dolls, everyone tells me not to let her play with them, but she`s so attached to them. It`s the same as a child ending up liking Blue`s Clues or whatever, she just ended up liking them, I didn't enforce it. She also insists on all of her clothes being from Limited Too, and she never ruins them either. I don`t have a problem buying the clothes, I mean it isn`t like she`s asking to smoke pot!! She also loves to have her hair and nails done. She will play with stuffed animals and that kind of thing but everything else she plays with is strictly "girl stuff". Carleigh goes outside and plays, yet shes very careful not to get dirty. She also has an obbsession with everything being clean and neat. Yet she does NOT throw tantrums, ect. Everyone judges me, like i "made" her this way, and I only want to love my child for who she is?

Answer 1

She is who she is. Some girls are like that, some are more tomboyish, etc. Just read some of the "Little House" books to see the difference between sisters. Mary was a neat freak, Laura was more rough and tumble. That's who they were.

My only concern is that you are allowing her to buy into the "my clothes have to be from such and such." Don't let her be a slave to fashion. This is the time to teach about money management and real priorities in life. The time will come when she has to buy her own clothes and she really won't have that much money until she gets further along in her career.

Answer 2

If its who she is, then that's all there is to it.  She might be a little obsessive over being neat and clean, but it doesn't mean there is necessarily a problem. But you can however make a joke to the other parents about wondering if she's a little OCD over being neat, but in the same breath make the comment on how nice it is that this is who she is. Maybe it will help. Just don't make a big deal of it.

as far as the clothes, maybe she finds that she likes the types of fabrics they used or that the seams or tags on the clothes are less irritating then from other places? There might be a slight sensitivity issue there (same lines as not wanting to get her hands dirty - it just feels weird and she doesn't like it). So she has found a place that makes clothes that she can tolerate and chooses to wear only that - kuddos to her!

Answer 3

I can't see a problem.  So what she likes bratz dolls all 6 year old girls I know love bratz dolls. so what she has a desire for fashion so what she likes to be clean she is who she is and you are very lucky to have a daughter with such a strong personality.

Sounds like you have a lovely daughter.  Will she play with messy play at all?  Finger paints play dough gloop etc?

Perhaps your daughter will grow up to be a fashion designer.  Do however try and encourage her to get out there and that there is more to life than being to afraid to get dirty - getting dirty is all part of growing up.

Then she is only 6 years old of cause she's going to want to be all girly this could just be a phase.

These people who are telling you to stop her from playing with Bratz dolls and stuff who are they do they have kids?  What is she supposed to play with?  Are they crazy!!!  You do what you have to do to raise your daughter they way you want.

I really think you are doing a good job and it sounds like you have a great daughter.

Answer 4

As a parent it is up to you to mold your child as you see fit.  Letting her be herself is a cop out, since she has no sense of self.  She is after all not being an individual by imitating the bratz dolls.    She dresses as she sees others dress and think that it is good.   She acts as others act, and as long as it accomplishes the purpose will continue to act that way.  

I don't have any problems with kids playing with dolls, whether bratz or barbies.

I do have a problem with a person asking people to judge whether or not they should be judged, or if they are being judged unfairly.

(oh, and she won't be asking if she can smoke pot, it will just be another  trend to follow, along with s*x and alcohol as long as following trends are acceptable....)

Answer 5

Alright, I have to agree with you...really what is the big deal? My son is five and he is kinda like that, He loves being pampered like massages and stuff, he is a real neat freak....He won't go to bed unless his room is clean...he never used to play in mud or dirt until my five year old step son started 'teaching' him how....Lol! He loves wearing nice clothing and nice cologne....but my son is also autistic, so I think that he has sensory issues, that is probably why, for the longest time, wouldn't walk barefoot, even on the grass!

Answer 6

Let them think what they want.  I would just ignore it and find more accepting people to hang out with.  They need to stop worrying about your child so much and focus on their own!

Answer 7

It sounds like you have a little girly girl, there isn't anything wrong with that at all. Every child is different, she should be who she wants, and I think it is great you don't try to mold her into everyone elses idea of a 6 year old girl. If she doesn't throw tantrums when she doesn't get her way, she takes care of her things, and you aren't breaking the bank to buy her expensive clothes, that do what you want to do, it is YOUR child. My only advice, just to save yourself pain later, is to explain to her that clothes are expensive and that she can't always have exactly what she wants, that you will get it as long as your budget allows, but she has to understand that sometimes it isn't going to happen. And also make sure she doesn't pick on other girls who can't afford those clothes. I only say this because my aunt let her eldest daughter shop wherever she wanted and never eplained that expensive clothes were a privilage and not a right, and today she has an 18 year old who doesn't work, go to school, refuses to help and still demands and demands, despite the fact that their financial situation has changed dramatically.

Answer 8

If you can buy it more power to ya! Me personally I would if I had the money to spare. I'd  rather pay my house off first so my kids always have a home.We are talking about you though. After all it is your child and your money.Why is it any ones business what you spend it on?

Answer 9

I think she is too young to worry about where she gets her clothes...

Answer 10

Who are they to judge? Only God can judge you, fairly honestly and truely.

One concern might be people seeing her as "vain". That may be a problem for her in later life, as would possible problems with her being seen as stubborn.

The people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind. Let her make her own descisions; she'll respect you for it later on.

Answer 11

I wouldnt worry about what others say. As long as your balance is good with the other kids and your letting them be themselves as well than what is the problem. My daughter is the complete oppisite she likes to get dirty and dont care, but my son on the other hand does not like to be dirty at all, but they both play and love each other very much and i include both of them when family activities are done at home and just let them be who they are.  As far as the clothes go if you can afford it than people need to quite hating and stop tripping. Bratz i let my daughter play with Bratz she wanted to them for christmas and i go them. s***w what people have to say

Answer 12

shes your daughter, not theirs . if you can afford this stuff for hr  thats fine. if youre pushing your budget for it though you need to cut back or stop. otherwise, its not like youre letting her do anything harmful, and it doesnt matter what other parents think.

Answer 13

It sounds as though you are doing a fine job as a parent. We may control many aspects of our children's lives but their personality is not one of them. The only thing I don't agree with is the BRATZ dolls. I have a 10 year old stepdaughter and I do not allow her to play with them because of the inappropriate clothing and makeup that they wear. Of course that is just my opinion. If you daughter is very girly she may not want to dress like that. You just have to watch as she gets older. Also my stepdaughter's mother has convinced her that all her clothes need to be from the Limited Too because no one will like her if she doesn't have designer clothes. That is what I have a problem with. Especially because we can't afford to buy her those clothes. As long as your daughter understands that people will like her no matter where her clothes are from and she takes good care of them so that you get good wear out of them what difference does it make where you shop. It sounds as though you have a very responsible child who knows how to have respect for your things. I thing honestly people may be jealous because you have such a well behaved little lady who is neat and picks up after herself at 6 years old. If people judge you or your daughter then just don't associate with them. Make sure you teach your children never to judge anyone just by what you see on the outside and they all sound like they will turn out to be wonderful people. Keep up the good work!

Answer 14

I agree with the other answers the only thing I can see that could make people judge you and Carleigh not have the friends she deserves and likes is attitude.  You say that she doesn't have tantrums which is great but what is her attitude like is she rude? does she look down at other children who don't have the designer clothes and the bratz dolls?  If she did then I would stop my daughter playing with her and suggest you need to look at your parenting because of ending up with a little madam.  

If you are confident that she is polite and kind and a child you would like to have in your house to play then there is absolutely no problem with the way she is.

Answer 15

She's your child, not theirs. Shut them out. Tell them if they have a problem with your parenting then maybe they should not be around. A long as you aren't denying your child anything she needs and she is loved and taken care of, **** everyone else!

fyi, I depise Bratz dolls myself...they are disgusting lol..HOWEVER, judging by your post, you do not strike me as a bad mom what so ever! Don't let anyone else tell you any different.

Answer 16

s***w what everyone else thinks. The only time someone should put their two cents in is when they feel you are abusing your child, and I'm sure you are a very good mother. Tell them to go **** off.

Answer 17

I think you're doing a great job. I can relate because I have 7 daughters. They are all so different. I think it is kool that she is so neat and clean on her own.  She needs that attention apparently and only you as her Mother really know what is best for her. God made Mothers have a natural sence of what is best for their child and I admire how well you are taking care of her individual needs and the other girls too and seeing their differences and being fair to them etc...

Answer 18

OK, so she's "prim" and she knows what she likes for toys. What the deal? Are you asking them to pay for anything? Does she have chores that help her to earn these things? Helping to set the table, do dishes (OK,  maybe too young for dishes) pick up laundry?

I don't see a problem here. I once knew a boy that went to a truck stop and collected cans for recycling. He used the money to pay for his toys. He bought his own computer at 10 years.

If she care that much about how she looks, you might think about Little Princess beauty pagents.

Answer 19

It sounds like you are spoiling her a bit. And from what I understand she doesn't throw tantrums? Is that when she plays? Have you ever told her NO to the things and brands? I bet if you did you would see a very big tantrum. If she has an obsession with being neat and clean, you may want to check into O C D. I does start out in childhood and if not put under control if can get worse as she grows up.

Answer 20

How do I say this without sounding critical?  All kids go through phases where they become particularly stuck on playing with certain items and have limited interests.  My oldest has done this very same thing.  As he's gotten older his interests have changed but his obsession with having everything a certain way has not.  When it comes to things like decorating his room or playing with certain toys, I don't really have a problem with that.  We just limit the amount we spend on those items.  However, I do think that allowing his obsessive nature to influence everything would not be in his best interest.  A child who gets everything he wants from where ever he wants is most certainly going to be viewed as spoiled and may even develop this attitude toward others which will make it difficult for them to have friendships if they come across as stuck on themselves.  I'm not saying that the child would feel this way only how others might perceive them.  Whether you have the money or not children need to learn that you don't have to have clothing from a particular store or a certain kind of toy in order to have something nice.  If you feed into the obsession the child won't learn to be flexible, conscious of handling money wisely and will eventually get into power struggles over not getting what they want.  Although you may not see behavior over these issues right now it sounds like to me that you've also not put her in positions where she has to make other choices.  Learning to make responsible and wise choices may mean she won't always get what she wants but it also teaches her the value of compromise and learning to deal with disappointment.  

The important thing to remember is that even though you are capable of giving exactly what she wants now you may not always be able to do this forever and even then how will she cope.  For my child we pick and choose which areas we feel will have the most impact on him learning how to make these critical choices.  Remember one day she'll be out on her own and she won't have the money to be so picky about where her things come from.  If this were my child I would select one area to work on and leave the rest alone.  Maybe start with the clothing.  Allow her to work with you in making clothing selections but purchase them from different stores.  I however wouldn't cut her off completely from the Limited, just set a limit as to how many items she can purchase from that store like 1 outfit.  Make it fun so it doesn't come across as a punishment and set you up to have to deal with behaviors.  Maybe make it into a scavenger hunt.

Answer 21

Encouraging her high-maintenance is the problem.  You say that she "insists on all of her clothes being from Limited Too"... what happens if you don't buy her clothes from there?  Do you actually buy clothes ONLY from that store because she INSISTS?  Be a parent and set some limits, she is only 6 years old.  You say that she doesn't throw tantrums.  That's great... but she doesn't do so because you are constantly giving in to her insisting.  Buy an outfit for her at Kmart, and see what happens.  Hopefully she will be grateful for it and appreciate it.

Sounds like she's spoiled.  Sorry.