Ex BF contacted me again?

Question

I dated a guy for about 3.5 years - though it was on-off towards the end. I discovered not too long ago that he has a new girlfriend. I have also been seeing someone new for the last few months myself. I actually wasn't sure if he was making this girlfriend up or not (as I think he did this before.) But, he has a facebook and added my siblings on there. I don't have a facebook/myspace. My sister recently said to me, "I see Sean has a new girlfriend." So, perhaps he wasn't making it up.

However, the other night he instant messaged me out of the blue and left me a message (I was asleep.) And when I did not reply, he texted me today. I responded back, but I am not sure what to think about this. Does he want to rub it in that he has a new GF? Do you think he and that girl are over with already? Does he miss me? Is he just trying to be friendly? He didn't say anything about his GF or anything. It was just a friendly chat. Though, he did start talking about some sexual things. He said some things like "You were the best s*x I ever had. I still think about it." And some other things. I really thought we were done for good- as we hadn't talked in almost a month. I was allowing myself to move on. But, at the same time, I still reminisce, too, as he was my first love. I am not sure what he wants. Does he just want some ex-s*x - which we had had before? Or, do you think he wants more?

Any ideas?

Answer 1

ask him

Answer 2

he's probably just going through a phase in which he feels he can just be honest about the relationship you guys had.  if he wanted to get back with you, i'm sure he would have used other words to describe the time you spent together as opposed to telling you about the great s*x.  it's possible he could use another hook up (and i'm hoping you won't give it to him this time.. his loss!) but i don't think he is looking for anything more than that.. i would just ignore his desires for now

Answer 3

he wants advice or s*x

Answer 4

You know the answer to that, why are you asking

Answer 5

mayb he still has feelings for u and he got a gf to try to make u jealous so dat u would go bac to him....if u guys dated 4 3.5 years den u wouldnt b afriad to talk to him...so talk to him

Answer 6

First loves are always hard to let go of. And chances are you will always feel something whenever you think of him. But I think you need to move on, regardless of what he wants. You were together for three and a half years, and after that amount of time, I think it's either get engaged or break up. You guys broke up, and its only natural that after so long together, that you would miss the other person. And I think that this is what it is. He is simply txting you, having a friendly conversation, and reminiscing a little, because he's missing you at the moment. I have been through this stage myself with ex boyfriends. If you are feeling strong enough and comfortable enough to chat to him like this then go ahead, and stop stressing about his motives.

If you cant deal with this maybe you are better off distancing yourself, deleting his number, and focusing on enjoying time with the new guy in your life. Hope this helps. :  )

Answer 7

The s*x, if he wants more it would be just you and him,and none of this on again off again c**p.

Answer 8

There are too many things going on here to tell exactly what he wants. However, when he says he misses the s*x that's the first clue that he might be a jerk and just want ex-s*x. If he didn't mention the gf then he really can't be trusted. That's the sign of a first class liar. You can bet he'll lie to her about you too.

Answer 9

Wow well... it definitely sounds like he misses you.. or else he would not be contacting you.. Hes been thinking of you.

It sounds like he moreless misses the pleasure aspect of your relationship with him.. He wants the fun back. He probably does still have feelings for you but maybe his new girlfriend isn't putting out so hes thinking how you used to be. If you ever decide to get back with him , i would delay the s*x as long as possible.. Keep him waiting and wanting ..

Just keep in mind.. the more you don't contact him back.. and keep your responses brief.. the more his interest is going to build.

He does not sound happy with the new girl.

If you still like him , go for it.. It'll probably end up the same as the last time you were with him though.. People don't really change.. especially men.  

Answer 10

y did u two brake up n the first place cause that could tell u if its possible to get back together

Answer 11

he wants some boo-tay. it's screaming clearly. do not give into this fool. who does he think he's kidding. i read in cosmo that this ex-s*x thing happens lot. it's because he's feeling more comfortable that u guys r not together anymore so he can do what ever he wants to do if u fall into the sac and not care cos u guys rn't intimate anymore.

do not have s*x with him no matter what. u can b his friend but pls draw the line. u guys rn't together anymore. if he really loves u he won't be talking about s*x. that wouldn't be the first thing on his mind. stupid fool. he doesn't wanna get back with u. pls be smart

Answer 12

You sound like you are doing good without him.  I think you should keep this other guy you are going out with and forget about him .  Why hasn't he tried to call you in a month?  Who was he thinking about all that time.  He may be looking for an avalable one when the other is not around.  Move on to the one you have now.

Answer 13

the best thing to do would be to confront him. and whatever the outcome may be, just be prepared :).. face him so that you won't be bothered by the situation anymore.

Answer 14

there's only one way to find out.  but, keep in mind that your current relationship may be jeopardized by your curiosity.

Answer 15

Maybe his new girlfriend just doesn't measure up to you, and now he's left with thoughts of you..

Now he may just want a fling with you again.. as I am in a similar situation with my ex (basically using me for the physical aspects).. But you should come out and ask him yourself .. if he continues to talk to you  something like.. "Wouldn't it bother your girlfriend that you were talking to me like this (or at all)..."  and see what he has to say.. and eventually ask him what his intentions are..

Answer 16

Okay, let me tell you about guys or men.

They will pretty much say anything to try to get you back, saying you were the best s*x, he just wants to have s*x with you again.. he is looking for ways to get to your heart again so he can have you until he finds something or someone else who would better please him in his mind.

Don't fall for it, you need to really move on like you are trying to do and realize if you go back to him, he is not really going to want you forever because if he did he wouldn't of left you like the first time. Get a BF rub it in his face, play his game with him, except you be the winner it will throw him off guard and p**s him off. Guys want to feel superior and you would be giving him the king crown if you go back to him.

Trust me ;)

-Dr. Cody

Answer 17

Sexual conversation!! no no! That does not necessarily mean he wants to come back to you, he could be getting the best of both women. So best would be move on with this new person you are seeing. Would not be fair to him. Break all contacts with your ex. I know that is hard, but you will have to do that in order to move.  

Answer 18

men can be so complicated. if he thinks that you have moved on faster than he had, than yes, he could be trying to rub it in your face, look see i have a new person in my life that likes me. this can happen especially if your the dumper and he was the dumpee. no one likes to be dumped. and if it was an on and off agian kind of relationship he may have had high hopes that you would come running back to him.

now if he dumped you, he could be wanting to go back to what is familuar to him. the thing about off and on again relationships is there is always the hope to get back, the cant live without you mentality.

i do not think he wants to be serious with you again. it may be this new girlfriend isnt giving it up as easily as he had hoped, so why not go back to what he knows. the fact that he is talking to you in a sexual tone, is what should set up the red flag. if he had wanted more than just s*x from you his tone would be more i miss you and things about your personality not your sexual performance score card. it really sounds like he is not being straight with you. he is keeping you guessing and wondering about the possiblities, and he is giving youthe false sence of security that the realtionship isnt truly over.

my suggestion, make a clean break once and for all. tell him that while you also reminesse about those times, tell him thats all it is, and that is all it will ever be, the memorise of first love. see where things go with the new guy, give him a fair chance who knows he could in time end up being someone who is way better for you in every way than who your speaking of now.

it takes time to get over someone, but how do you do it if you dont end it for good? good luck.

he is your first love, and its okay to reminess