Ex Wife - My Daughter - Hate New Wife - HELP !?

Question

How can I get my 12 yr old daughter to accept and love my new-wife - she hates my new wife?

Her mom-my ex-wife appears not to like my new wife, who is 29yrs old with three boys, we have been married 4yrs.

I have been divorced since 2000 - 8yrs - ex-wife has been married-divorced-2 boyfriends and now is having a baby with boyfriend.

We both have moved on - my daughter after 4 yrs has not accepted my new wife and step brothers?

My daughter talks great about my ex-wife’s new boyfriend to the extent that she puts me down and builds him up - she has only been living with him for less than a year with my ex-wife.

I am very successful and humble - my new wife does not have to work.

I am 44yrs old - ex-wife 36yrs old - new-wife 29 yrs old.

HELP - YOUR COMMENTS ARE WELCOMED

Answer 1

She will dislike your new wife for a long time, maybe forever. Your place is with your wife. I know it hurts to have your daughter behave this way but that is her problem. You can't fix it you can only show her that you love her.

Answer 2

If you're lucky your daughter will someday like your new wife. However, it's common for children of divorced parents to dislike even to the point of despise step-parents. They want their parents back together even if in their heads they know it cannot be so. Just be patient and loving with your daughter and encourage your wife to be respectful and caring too. With luck your daughter may at least behave well towards your wife.

Answer 3

Well, i think it depends on the relationship that you guys had before you got married! if she was a little closer to her mom, than she probably feels like her mom is replaced..and probably doesn't feel that way with her moms boyfriend! i think that you should talk to her about this, and assure her that just because the family is now extended, your love for her hasent changed! its hard to accept that, with new "brothers", and a new "mom". good luck  

Answer 4

Are you being the best daddy to your children if so she is bad mouthing you in front of your children.  Try not to return the favor to those kids because when they get older they will see for themselves.  My son use to think his Dad was the greatest and he wanted to live with him.  Now at the age of 14 he is seeing somethings.  My ex husband shows up at my son's 8th grade graduation with just a card.  Tells my son that he will take him to the movies for his graduation but only allows my son to pick off of two movies he wants to see.  My son was upset and is seeing that his Dad could be a better Dad.  I find it rather sad.  

Answer 5

It will just take some time for her to accept her, and she may never accept her.  I have no doubt that you are a good father, but it sounds like since your divorce she has had a lot to deal with between both you and her mother at a very young age.  She needs stability, love and assurance and time to cope with all the new people in her life.  It's important that you be there for her consistently and make sure gets plenty of daddy time.  Your new wife also needs to make an effort to build a relationship with her, take her on a girls day out, she needs to feel comfortable with her and feel accepted by her.  

I don't think this is your daughters problem to deal with as others have answered.  Kids often get forgotten when parents divorce and remarry.

Answer 6

does your daughter really need to like your new wife? as long as she is having respect for her then that's all you can ask for. she is 12 and in an awkward situation she might grow out of it and learn to deal with the circumstances or she might never agree with it, but you cant please everyone  

Answer 7

Your daughter is twelve. She naturally hates anyone at this age. Stepmothers are such wonderful targets. Hint: She hates the new b/f as well, but she sure as heck ain't going to let you know that with the (you know what) wife around. She's twelve. This too shall pass. When she builds the guy up around you, you build him up too and tell him that you think it's great that she has someone that awesome to be around. She'll get sick of that real quick. The step mom is going to take a lot longer. The attitude of a twelve year old towards this is naturally to divide and conquer. If you keep this in mind, it will help a lot with your dealings with her in regards to the stepmom. I wish you luck. It's going to be a tough go for a while. Hang on, you're in for a wild ride. Just remember, one day she'll be thirty and love you again like she did when she was three. I promise.  

Answer 8

I am an ex-wife who dislikes my ex-husband's wife.  I have two boys that now, as adults choose not to spend time with either of them.  From the beginning she has been abrasive, rude, and outspoken to not only my kids, but to me as well.  It was impossible for the two of us to hold a conversation on the telephone over the years, because she was always in the background making comments, and interrupting us.  She made my business her business, and stirred trouble when there was none.  I was not the clingy ex-wife, I moved on and left them alone. Could your current wife be making some of the same mistakes?    

Answer 9

You can't make the 12 year old like the new wife, but you can correct her behavior and speech.  If she's disrespectful to you or the new wife, put her in her place and let her know that behavior is not acceptable.  She must act civil and polite regardless of her feelings.

On top of this, make sure that she gets some extra love and attention, my goodness, you took on three more kids, all boys, how can she possibly compete with that?  

Answer 10

you cant make her like her, much less love her. you can demand she show her respect!! something my husband never taught his kids!