Ex-boyfriend's words still haunt me?

Question

My ex-boyfriend of several years said a lot of things that I can't shake off. From my hair to my friends, from my intelligence to my choice of foods, nothing was left unexamined. It was always in a roundabout way so that if I tried to defend myself, he'd act like I was taking something too seriously. I just started college and don't know anyone here, so I'm kind of lonely. One particular conversation with him is standing out:

Him: "You know when you told me you hoped to find a nice guy and get married? I remember thinking, 'I don't see that happening.'"

Me: "Well, yeah... you never know." (visibly hurt)

Then he gave a knowing, serious look.

It haunts me. How can I shake this? Thanks.

Answer 1

You are allowing this guy who was obviously psychologically and emotionally abuse get into your head and still affect you.  He was obviously a jerk.  What he has done is lower your self esteem and make you have doubts about yourself.  I suggest working on these issues and reminding yourself that you are a good person and that you deserve good things.

Good luck!

Answer 2

He sounds like a controlling, abusive person.  You really shouldn't take anything he says seriously because he wasn't saying it to say it.  He was saying it to hurt you because he doesn't know how to respect a lady.  Be grateful that you are no longer together.

Think about it -- no one says something like to someone they care about.  I wouldn't even say it to someone I didn't like!  Honestly, there is not one friend I have who would say that to me or to anyone they care about.  I just don't draw people like that into my life, and so I end up surrounded by nice people who respect themselves and their friends and partners.  It's a great way to live!

Sometimes you run into people in your life who don't act honorably.  For example, they "borrow" $20 with no intention to pay it back.  You get to find out that they are losers for the low price of $20, and you know you can write them off.  All it cost you is $20.  What a deal.

Forget him.  You discovered that he is a jerk and it cost you several years to figure it out.  The upside is that now you're wiser and you know not to fall for the abusive control freak.  You also lucked out because you didn't marry him and you aren't going to be stuck with him for the rest of your life.  Unlucky for him, he'll always be a jerk.

Walk away, hold your head high, and think of him as the guy who taught you that you deserve better.  Next time someone says something, and you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, don't ignore it.  Your body is trying to tell you something, and it's important for you to listen.

Abusive people are very good at "casually" saying things that hurt.  They slowly train you to take it, and then they raise the ante by saying or doing things that are worse.  Before you know it, several years passed by and you are tolerating words and actions from them that are completely unacceptable.

It's important that you not be one of those ladies who is always somehow finding the abusive boyfriend.  Demand better from people, listen to your gut and put your foot down at the slightest hint of abuse.  Think of it as honoring yourself - because you deserve to be treated properly.  If it means walking away without even explaining yourself and without giving someone a second chance, so be it.

Your #1 responsibility is to yourself.  If someone isn't honoring you, you have a right and a responsibility to draw the line.

Answer 3

I dated one of those guys...grrrrrrrrrrrr it gets me so mad! He would constantly put me down, i knew he was cheating but he had a way of making me feel sorry for him. He'd tell me that i'd never find anyone better than him and all sorts of c**p. One day i had enough i called him and i heard some w***e in the backround and i flipped and stopped talking to him. He'd constantly call and try to give me some stupid explanation, but i didn't answer his calls for a week then when i finally did i told him to **** off and get out of my life.

After that i dated a loser, believing that was the only kinda guy i could find (yet another mistake) then i finally opened my eyes, realized that i was a smart and pretty girl and i could find a nice guy, and i did.

I still think about some of the mean things he'd say, but i just tell myself "he was the loser not me" and it works. You gotta realize that you are a good person, and then people will see it too. Keep your head high don't give that loser the satisfaction. I'm sure good things will happen to you if your just positive and a happy person, I will you a lot of luck:)

Oh and just to show you how much of a loser that guy was, once i was finally happy after 3 yrs of not talking to him he called me up and hung up on me. I called back and his sister answered acting like it was just a wrong number, when i knew for sure it wasn't. Then i just recently found out the he called one last time to hear my voice before he got married. Just to show you, who needed who more? It made me laugh, after i dated him for so long and taking so much c**p and put downs from him, he still needed me. When i was soooooooooooooo over him.

Answer 4

Seek out counseling and talk with someone that can show you the way to shedding the self esteem issues. There should be counseling services at your college.

Also, you need to start getting out and get involved in things at the school. Join some clubs and meet some new people, stop thinking about what he said now that he isn't in the picture. This is the time to start out new. Good Luck with everything!!

Answer 5

He did a lot of verbal abuse it appears. You have the right to eat anything you want- and how ever you want.

He was knocking you with the "nice guy comment because one yu were letting him know he wasn't it. and he was proving to be a jerk by his actions.

Move forward, if you see the same behaviors get out fast and know that you don't have to take that anymore.  

Answer 6

You obviously suffer from low self esteem. Your ex knows this and he plays on it by telling you negative things.  GET OVER HIM.  He is miserable with his life so he tries to manipulate you by telling you the things that he tells you.  Baby take a look in the mirror and appreciate what is looking back at you.

Answer 7

He is a total loser. Don't let some ignorant man ruin your self-esteem. Maybe you should talk to a councilor or someone that can help you build your self-esteem back up. Right now focus on your studies and adjusting to school, maybe get involved in some clubs or extra curricular activities to meet people. Don't worry honey, you are young and I am sure there is the perfect man out there for you. A real man that will build you up instead of tear you down. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

You know what? Your ex is an a*****e. DON'T listen to anything that piece of **** has to say. He was trying to hurt you. You can do much better than him. Don't let his words get to yout head. What he did was a form of abuse.

Answer 9

He was a jerk and wanted you to feel like c**p so you'd never look/find anyone else. F*ck him.