Ex is trying to bribe daughter. How can I keep from looking like the bad guy?

Question

The school that she would go to if she lived with him has better test scores but it is a 1/2 hr from the school that my son goes to and the school that she would go to since I have custody. He told her she won't have to wear uniforms & can be a cheerleader ect if she goes there. Says he will pick her up and drop her off every day and if he can't his girlfriend will or his mother. He was found guilty of neglect and is an alcholic. I worry every time the kids go there. It is a better school but I don't see it working out being so far away. My daughter is very materialistic and is falling for his bribes. Even considers moving in with him which scares me to death. The fact that he brought it up to her without talking to me about it and has been bribing her gets under my skin. How do I not look like the bad guy to her? I wish the school was closer to my work and home. Should I make her go live with him the few weeks left b4 school starts 2 maybe see him for the real him? or...

Answer 1

hmm i think you should teach your daughter not to be materialistic. and you want the best education for her. let her move in and make her own decisions shes obvioulsy old enough it youd let her.

Answer 2

You should try moving if you can, but no matter how much she wants to go to that school, DO NOT let her move in w/ him! If you have to look like the bad guy, then so be it, you are saving her life. She'll understand that when she gets older hopefully. Do whats best, even if that means to be hated by her, its hard and it hurts, but thats love.

Answer 3

Will he hurt her or something. I mean i dont truly understand I want the best for my son and im looking to move into a better school district. and a half hour drive aint too far maybe you could say she lives there and she come to you or something

If he is a truly bad guy than yes keep her away as much as possible. tell her that she could be hurt if she goes there she will be mad but your her mom. kids always forgive there mom

Answer 4

Obviously this problem is between you and the child's father.  YOU need to tell him to stop with the bribes that YOU have custody of the child and that SHE will go to school where YOU send her, if he doesn't like it he can take you to court.  Grow a backbone.  If he doesn't have 50/50 custody then there is no reason to force her to go live with him  YOU just need to talk with him and if that is ineffective talk with YOUR lawyer.  You have physcial custody YOU determine where the child goes to school period.

Answer 5

If you have custody of your daughter, the answer is simple - you make the choice for her.

In most states, a child can't decide about their living arrangements until they are 12 or 13 years old.. this involves going back to court, paying court costs and attorneys...so it would be an expensive proposition.

I suppose you could talk with her and let her know that this year is out, and that you will see what next year brings... however, no matter her age, your ex is still going to have to fork out the funds for court costs and attorneys.  It's not free to change custody.

Do what you feel is best for the child at this time in her life.  and take care.

Answer 6

What I would try to do is possibly let her go to that school he's talking about, but not have her live with the guy if you don't want to. You have custody so it's your choice.

Call up the school and see if they could have a bus come and pick her up from your house.

Or if you don't want her to go to it, make it known. You're her mother and she needs to listen to you.

Answer 7

oh please, Your the parent not the friend.  You shouldn't spend so much time worrying about being the bad guy. Cause its always going to be something. Right now its school, next it will be dating it always going to be something. So do what you think is best. She will adapt to what ever situation she is in. but let her know that if she chooses to live with him and go to school there that she will have to stick it out. I think it will take more than a few weeks for her to see your the way her father really is. Why cant she be a cheerleader at the school in her area. Put her in dance classes somewhere close to you and tell her to tell her dad to pay for them. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 8

You just have to put your foot down and say no. If she asks why be honest and explain it in a way that she can understand (not sure how old she is). I think you also need to talk with you ex because doing stuff like that isn't okay, especially when you are the one that was granted custody. You may end up looking like the bad guy but you shouldn't be worried about that because sometimes you have to be. It is always better to do what is best for your kids rather than trying to be the "fun" parent all of the time. Is he even allowed to have full custody if the kids wanted to live with him? It doesn't sound like it.

Edit: I don't think that you should even give her the option of living with him up until school because he could be the "fun" parent 24/7 which could really hurt her in her mental development, school, and her level of responsibility/maturity if she chose to stay because he never makes her do anything. Test scores don't mean a whole lot when it comes to schools because generally that just means that there are a bunch of really smart kids that are pumping up the average. For the most part school is school. The fact that he is bribing her and brought it up to her without talking to you first leads me to believe that he wouldn't enforce any rules on her if she lived with him so that she would choose to live with him permanently. The best way to not make her feel like you are the "evil" one is to give her an explanation about why you don't want her going to that school and moving in with her dad. The worst possible thing you could do is to lie about the reason or give no explanation at all. You can tell her why without totally trashing her dad.

Answer 9

If you have full custody or at least have the children a majority of the time you have full right to say no. Who cares if you look like a bad guy YOUR THEIR MOM! They only have one mom and if your trying to prevent her from something bad happening then so be it. I don't see what the problem is.. Grow some guts and stick down what you want and leave it there. If you can be easily worked over on issues that might pertain to safety I wonder about what else will happen.