Ex of 4 months wants to see me. Why am I so uncomfortable with this!?

Question

I broke up with him, but wanted to still be friends. We talked on the phone, but I am not ready to see him at all. He is pushing to meet in October, and threatens that if I do not see him, then I will have ruined our friendship. He will remove himself from my life and never communicate with me again. That is what he said,

that he will love me forever, and there are unresolved issues we need to talk and work through in person. He says he NEEDS to see me to know we are friends. Then says I have "pushed" him to this.

I feel that this meeting is overall going to be awkward and will give him false hope. BUT the main point is that I don't want to see him. I don't understand his logic!!!!

Also, he tells me he has dark thoughts sometimes...I do not know what they are because he did not say anything further. What if he is suicidal?

Please, 1. if you have some insightful view on what he is thinking,

and 2. what should I say, please let me know.

Answer 1

What a jerk!

Its very obvious he's trying to guilt you into meeting him and that's just heartless.

You haven't pushed him to do anything. You're not telling him "hey you need to force me to meet you in october".

What he is doing is trying to over power you. He's creating these "facts" (i guess you could call them) in an attempt to prove to you that this is something you NEED to do. Building all this up so that you feel guilty if you don't listen to him. Building it up in such a way that you feel you should owe it to him that much. That's what he's trying to do. Don't fall for it. You owe him nothing. If you're not ready,then you're not ready, and him pushing you into something is just the worst thing he could do because it's going to make you less ready.

if he's really your friend he wouldn't be trying to force you into something like that. If I'm understanding the signs all correctly you broke up with him and its something he didn't want. So naturally you're uncomfortable with seeing him, and you should be! He certainly wants to get back with you, and it seems he feels if he forces you to be around him he can woo you or sway you back to him.

I'm fairly certain that it's his intention to get back with you and he has no real desire just to be friends. Think about it, if he's forcing you into meeting with him, he'll think he's got some control over you and its not going to end there, he'll force you to hang out with him more and more and that will put you in a possition you really wont want to be. (I've seen it before!)

I'm not sure what you should say, it all depends on what outcome you want. It seems to me you want to be friends, but i worry and i think you should seriously look into whether that's because you liked him as a friend, or if its really because you feel guilty and you feel you owe him friendship. You owe him nothing, and you shouldn't feel guilty or selfish if you arn't ready to see him. Tell him to respect you and that if he really wants to be friends with you, he wont pressure you into such a situation and that when you're ready to see him then you can talk about meeting.

About the dark thoughts thing. Again that seems more to do with him trying to guilt you and make you feel bad. I don't think he'll be suicidal, and if he has it in his mind that he has to be to "teach you a lesson" he would most likely tell you about it. And if it really worries you then you should contact his parents and they could get him counseling.

I'll look back on your question a few times over the next days if you edit it with anymore details, if you need a better answer or if you want to share what you've decided and i'll update my answer accordingly.

i hope i could help, and Best of luck!

Edit:

Yea i'd have to agree, he seems like he still can't accept it. But I'm glad you're not giving in and getting repulsed by it!

Answer 2

GREG is such a pig. The typical guy "YES MORE SINGLE GIRLS FOR ME TO SCORE! YES, YOUR EX IS A TERRIBLE PERSON AND YOU SHOULD BE WITH ME!" Greg, you should just ask her for a/s/l since you want to score girls who just came out their relationships online. "I will keep checking for your updates" WOWWW Get a life!

As for you dear, don't fuss over your ex boyfriend. If it is meant to be, you two will get back together and laugh about this, and if you are not meant to be, it was not meant to be. Don't close out your options when they are in front of you. See where things take you. October is a long time from now, and you have plenty of time before anything happens. Love is very mysterious. Good luck.

Answer 3

4 months relationship and he is saying he will love you forever? He needs to be a man and get over it. IF this was a 3 or 4 years of relationship, then it is completely understandable because it's love unless he treated you like dirt (abusive relationship). I am happily married with my husband, and we were dating for 3.5 years. We broke up for about 2 years because I needed some space and felt that I did not have strong feelings towards him. The idea of him repulsed me, but I wanted to be his friend. It was very conflicting in my head. The reason I wanted to be his friend, which I later discovered, was because of my love for him. But this is not the case. You want to be friends with your boyfriend of 4 months just to be nice in front of others. Honey, you don't have to because you two didn't have some sort of meaningful moments. You don't need to prove anything to others.

If he becomes suicidal and kills himself, you will live the rest of your life knowing that you killed him. I don't think anybody wants to live with that kind of burden, and your guilt will get worse, even killing yourself. You don't know if he is going to do that, but if he mentions it, take it seriously. The "dark thoughts" might mean that since he is in pain.    

It's OK to be repulsed by him because you broke up with him. Just think like this: You broke up because he treated you like c**p and you can do a lot better than him. He is a loser, and you are repulsed by losers. You shouldn't care about how he feels because you broke up with him. You are not suppose to! That's why you broke up with him.

As to your main question, I read your description 3 times, and you are feeling uncomfortable because of many reasons. Guilt is one reason. The other reason is because you are a girl just like me and everyone else in the world. We are very stubborn and confused about many things in our lives (in result, we resolve to asking people on yahoo!). I see it as if you see him, you are scared that it will turnout bad for both of you or turnout good that you two get back together. You are not ready for neither of those outcomes. It seems extreme on both end, but that's what will happen. The uncomfortable feeling will go away only if you accept that it will not be. If you think it is going to be awkward, you will make the situation awkward. You have to decide if he is the one you want to keep around, if so, then think positive of your meeting and be open minded with whatever you guys do. If he is not the one, you will have no desire to keep him in your life. That's how people know if the girl or the guy is the "one" for them. That's how I found out if my husband was the one for me.

There is no magical way to say to him. Just be truthful and speak your mind. Be open about things and see where it takes you. Guys don't understand how we think and will not see our logic.

Answer 4

Either you want him or you don't! You broke up with him, and you don't do friendship unless you really do like him. Break up means goodbye! syonara! ciao! adios! He needs therapy or you need one. If you want to be friends with him and want him around in your circle, then it is SO obvious you still have feelings for him. After I broke up with my last three boyfriends, I never spoke to or saw them ever. It's why you break up because you don't want them to be in your life. The reason you want to be friends with him is cause you still like him! DUH~~~! You're feeling uncomfortable because you still got this emotional feeling towards him, and at the same time, you don't want to be involved in a relationship with him. Whatever that reason may be, it's giving you this uncomfortable thoughts. If you REALLY don't like him, you will not feel uncomfortable seeing him. You're just unsure of what might happen. He means something very important to you, if not you should not talk to him, see him, or even hear about him. You should be so confident to see him if you know for sure that NOTHING is going to happen. Why should you care if meeting him is going to give him hope? You end relationships because you don't like them and want them in your life. If you don't want them, you shouldn't feel guilt or bad for hurting him. PUleeezzz! You don't need an insight on what he thinks or know what to say to him. You should already know that and if you REALLY don't like him, you shouldn't care if he dies or goes off joining the ARMY. The attachment is there and stop denying that. This is why I don't have many female friends in my life. Boys are just soooo much simpler and casual. You are repulsing him because you are straight out immature and childish. Grow up. It's so clear that you are repulsing him cause you are in straight out denial about all of this. Are you like 14 years old?