Excuse me gran-parents....?

Question

I was just wondering how do you rate The new age upbringing of your gran children? Do you agree with some of the methods being used like time out's and the reward system or do you still believe that traditional upbringing is more effective?

Just curious, I lost my gran parents when I was still pretty young and wondered how they would react to the way I was bought up, and how they would teach me to bring my children up.

Answer 1

Both time out and the "reward system" have been around for decades.  Parents currently in their 30's were very possibly raised with those discipline methods.  Yes, there were more severe parenting options that were also considered to be mainstream then, such as spanking.  It is incorrect to assume that all parents used that type of disipline though.  

For example, in the 1970's, some parents disciplined very little if at all.  Many did this because they believed they themselves were disciplined too harshly and thought a tender, feel-good approach would be better (think flower-children). Others were very harsh, with most somewhere in between.  It really isn't all that much different today, except that less parents punish severely (possibly due to child abuse laws) and more parents use methods somewhere in the middle range.

My opinion is that regardless of what discipline method is used, if the parent doesn't teach the child what appropriate behavior is, no method is really effective and can be both a waste of time and detrimental to the parent-child relationship.  It is up to the parent to set the example and help children find appropriate ways to behave.  Spanking is not generally a way for parents to exhibit appropriate behavior.

Example:  Child writes on the wall with a crayon.

Just spanking a child will teach the child that they are bad and unworthy.  It also teaches them to fear their parents.  It doesn't teach them how to correct the behavior.  Child is very likely to do it again repeatedly.

Just telling them not to write on the wall and giving them a time out will not teach them what the appropriate behavior is.  Child is likely to do it again repeatedly.

Teaching a child both how to write with crayon on paper and to keep crayon away from the wall will foster a sense of trust and will empower the child to behave in a more appropriate manner.  Child more likely to exhibit the appropriate behavior more quickly.