Exhusband wont dicipline the kids?

Question

He has the majoraty of the custody (long story short, he told me he wont give me custody cuz hes pissed i left him) so i am screwed into a few weeknights and every other weekend.

I left the miserable puke because he's spineless. I was always the diciplinarian and i still am. His idea of dicipline is "No no son, don't hit" in a singsong voice. Makes me sick, and it does nothing for the boys.

I am a firm believer that boys NEED dicipline, and my theory is proving true: my 5 year old is becoming more unruly, rude and disrespectful to me, and its putting a huge strain on my marriage. I have to cram all the 'extra' dicipline they are needing (becuase of acting out, and lack of rules at their dad's) into the short time i have to spend with them. It sucks big time.

Talking to the exhusband does absolutely nothing: all i get for a response is: he's fine for me, its your problem.

He wont take the kid to counceling like ive asked a hundred times. He wont talk to the kids at all about the divorce (the 5 year old still says things like 'why cant you live with daddy' and that just tells me that his father is not helping in anyway. I am very open about whatever they want or need to resolve, but its hard to cram that much into a weeknight of parenting.

Their father constantly dumps them on his 'lazy-parenting style' mom, so he can go play tonsil hockey with whatever girl he is seeing now. I have asked him repeatedly not to bring girls around the kids, but he doesnt see the problem.

Ive been trying to get custody back, but without a ton of $$$ i'm coming up short. Plus, his mom keeps buying him a lawyer and lying for him to the judge.

I went thru the hearings, and the judge told me because they arent beaten or raped theres nothing he can do.

I am at my wits end. Sometimes i want to load up a Uhaul and take my kids 4 states over to start over, and raise them correctly, (i know, not good for them) and sometimes i want to walk away and start over completely, and just let them live in thier brainwashed world, with their dad and his mom, and stay away until they are old enough to make thier own opinion of me.

If anyone has any insight, I would sure appreciate it.

Im not in the mood for crapslinging, so if thats all you're here for, im sure you can use your imagination as to what i would tell you to go do and where.

Answer 1

I wonder if you c**p sling the father around the kids or just keep it to yourself?

You obviously dislike the father, calling him spineless isn't going to help any.

As for your situation, I am surprised that they are misbehaving in your presence seeing how you are the disciplinary.Usually kids will act out with the lax parent as oppose to the stricter one.

Maybe you need to take them to counseling if they are not getting it at their father's house.They could think that you are the mean one since you left them with their father.

There really is nothing you can do as far as the father goes, no laws stating that one must he firmer so all I can suggest is being strict with them while you have them and giving a little chat about how a proper boy is suppose to act.

He could be hurting inside.

Answer 2

In my 10 years experience it is extremely rare for a judge to take custody from a mother and give it to the father unless there are some serious reasons....I've seen 50/50 splits, but in my state, mom's are allowed a lot of things that fathers aren't....it is odd to me that you don't have custody of your kids.

Do not kidnap your kids.  You'll get caught and have even less visitation than you do now.

If you have joint legal you can enroll them in therapy and take them on your time.

You can ask the judge to order therapy.

If you abandon your children and run away, they will for sure form an opinion of you...that you dumped and ran.

It sounds like you could use some counseling yourself.  You can't change your ex, but you can help yourself cope.

Perhaps there are areas in your life that need to be addressed...address them and maybe you can get more custody of your kids.

Keep in mind that divorce is HORRIBLE for kids and they would be acting out under the "best" of divorce situations.

You say your 5 year old is STILL struggling..um yeah!  My FIL is a senior citizen and still struggles with his parents' divorce.

I hope things get better for you and your kids.