Existential question, and my friend's death

Question

One of my friends died today. Death has never felt this close to me before. I feel like I've awakened from a trance like state, and for the first time seeing the world for its real and mysterious possibilities, I am deeply saddened and afraid. I wonder, what happens next? What happens to the essence of my friend?

Death is the inevitability--my parents, siblings, husband; me. How can I live this life without being paralyzed by the harsh awareness of death? How can I move on, knowing that any day may be my last? I guess I'm just really sad and pensive right now, wondering what this life is about, its purpose and meaning.

If any of you can relate, please share your thoughts.

Answer 1

"The reality of death makes possible the sense of being alive and the joy in living...If we lack even the slightest adumbration of death, we cannot conceive of the fact that we are alive.  It is as if we must first invent death so as to achieve the experience of being alive...Life is perceived as life only to the extent that it is finite.  Our hope for its infinity is but intensified awareness of its finitude.  Finitude gives life its value--that is why we strive to overcome finitude with self-transcendence or eternal life.  [Pretty paradoxical, huh?]

Death can thus be a positive aspect of life.  And when we as philosophers talk of death, we do not mean exclusively the dying patients in the cancer wards of hospitals.  Not at all.  We refer to the universal fact of mortality.  The healthiest persons with the longest life stretching out ahead of them are mortal.  A person does not only die in the time period shortly before his actual death.  All living is a form of dying.  'To die' is a verb, an action, performed during every living moment...We are mortal at all times in our life--whether we think of it or not and whether we are anxious about it or not...

...Death is crucial for producing a sense of individuality.  The knowledge of our mortality individuates us.  It gives us, in being finite, the experience of being a unique person.  On the other hand, the everpresent anticipation of death also forces us to explore the possibility of immortality and thus can also lead us to an understanding of the eternity and universality of our consciousness."

Answer 2

Death is part of life they go hand in hand, I've learned to be at ease with death and not feel so bad about it. I've had people close to me die and in time others, you mourn and carry on. Life's questions have been asked since the beginning of time the same ones your asking now, no one has the answer, people have ideas, the Bible teaches what God says is going to happen, but no man knows. Your right out here with the rest of us pondering the same questions. Your friend probably knows, but we'll have to make the same journey to find out. Good luck in your quest.

Answer 3

The trance you are in is shock, so be careful driving & doing things at this time. It is like you are on a naturaly pain medication. I call it God's anestisia....Our society usually looks at it in a negative way. If you just look at your life as a journey & take you time to grieve you will just know that everything is in perfect divine right order. Nothing brings us closer to love than death. We can see how much this perosn meant to us. We can see how important we are to others & they to us. It can bea beautiful experience depending on how you look at it. I am  a life coach & I have so many things I can tell you that are postive so I will just leave it at this. You are not at a higher level in life. Your friend is still with you she/he just left the body. I communicate with people after they die & they don't die they just leave the body like a person who gets out of their car. We are here for a reason. When my 20 yr. old son died 8 years ago. I didn't want to be here anymore but I now know I am here for a reason & I help people all the time to learn how to live with joy. Right now you will be going through something like the waves in the ocean taking you along & hitting you down & up & down for a long time. If you learn the meaning of it all you will have tremedous spiritual growth which could be why this friend was in your life. Don't get stuck on how he or she died cause once the person makes this transition they are fine.

Answer 4

I found answers and peace  in the Bible.  I recommend it, especially the New Testament.  John 3:16

Answer 5

First, I am very sorry for you loss and can sympathize, having lost my brother in 2003.  His accidental death came when he was only 20 years old.

You could say that I have not so much moved on as grown up.  The first thing that one needs to do when questioning the nature of death is asking for themselves what they believe to be the nature of life.  What does it mean to be "alive?"

Understand that as life on earth is better understood by people, many theories on death are changing.  Your body, while being "alive," is composed of trillions of living cells.  Every cell in your body is genetically programmed to self-destruct at some point via the process of apoptosis.  Material immortality is impossible.

So this all sounds pretty hopeless.  This hopelessness is what leads many to look to dualism, or the possibility in some type of immaterial soul or spirit.  If you really want to find an immortal soul and believe in it, I reccomend not looking into some book written by other humans (such as the Bible, Qu'ran, Bhagavad Gita, The Book of the Dead or The Book of the Law), but to look into yourself.  Be honest with yourself and with what you observe and feel.  Know that it's okay to be wrong and to revise your stance on major metaphysical issues because these questions are, in a very profound sense, unanswerable.

The deeper you get into it, the more it turns into word salad.  I'll just repeat the most important phrase I used above : Be honest with yourself.

93,

--DH

Answer 6

Death, is the second most transformational experience for a soul, after the birth of course, when we let go of our physical existence, we had earlier chosen, to learn some particular lessons, during the lifetime, and when the lessons are over, we step out of the class room called the 'earth school', we are back home! As after death we go back to our existence as a spirit, or our 'essence', if you would like to call it!

The idea really is, to live life, knowing that you are a 'passing' spirit, at all times, only then we'd enjoy every moment of it, fully!

Having said that, the pain, the death of a loved one brings along, is an inevitable part of human existence, as increasingly we become aware of our rudimentary attachment to our physical existence; we also become aware of our existence as a spirit, and as spiritual beings, living inside our physical dwellings for the time being, for the purpose of creation, as extensions of the 'Creator', if you'd have it. What an honour it is, and what a responsibility, and also a whole lot of fun, when you realise that, you get to be the source of all your creation, that is your life, really it is all our choosing. So, if we don't like what we have created so far, we only have to choose better, this point on.

And as a great Master once said, "In every breakdown, lies the possibility of a breakthrough", and that would be my singular prayer for you!

As you take the following breath, silently remember to yourself, "I am alive", and what gift it is, as you get to, continue to experience, and explore this wonderful creation called Earth.

Answer 7

I was drawn to your question. I have a dear dear friend who is in her last stage of illness before she passes. It is blowing me away. It's consuming me, the idea that she will be leaving 4 children, husband, parents and so many people who love her. It hits so close to home, that this, God forbid, may happen to me, or to someone I cherish. The notion is incomprehensible. Death has always interested me, not from a morbid point of view, but from a fearful side. I come from a family history which has enhanced this fear of death. Fear of the unknown. So I have searched for some answers, well, not so much answers but a way to cope, to help soothe the gnawing beast which gives no rest. Through my work as an art therapist, I deal with harsh issues, abuse, abandonment of children. Death of children (I've worked at pediatric oncology units), it's all been a way for me to help me deal with the fear, but it wasn't enough. I needed more. Through my assorted spiritual studies I've come to realize that answers to these questions are not for us to have. We are not necessarily meant to know the greater plan. But we do have to find our place in this world, find where we can contribute to it, and just DO. We cannot be passive or frightened to the point of inactivity. Yes, there are horrors around us, injustices that make no sense to us whatsoever, but who are we to judge why these things happen. You wrote, how can I move on knowing that any day maybe my last? Actually, we absolutely have to live every day as if it were our last, meaning, we have to take advantage of all our resources and live as if it were our last day on earth, as if there were no tomorrows. This way, every day might be lived to its fullest. We have to challenge ourselves all the time, to give back what we take. We cannot let our fears dictate to us how we are to live, otherwise just curl up and die. We all have a reason for being here, as small as it might seem to you, we are all part of the grand design, part of the master web, and we must do our share so our minutes here are not wasted. We will have our fears, and they will reside within us, but they will not prevent us from living our life to its fullest. So to end a very long answer (and I apologize for that), maybe it's good that you awoke from a trance-like state. Maybe you lived in your little bubble and it was time to get hit with a dose of reality, in order for you to make some changes, positive ones in your life.