Expectations?? confused?

Question

Okay so yeah, I have to get 80% in every subject.

My last math quiz was 65 % eeek,

my dad was pissed (obviously)

I worked hard and got 75% on the second one

well one part was 78% and the other 73%

not bad right?

My teacher said that he was proud of me, and that i had worked hard and I should be proud

obviously he did not know my dad.

When i came back home, i told my dad and he said: obviously not what we wanted, you got to work better and harder.

.....

my teacher and my friends says I have done a good job...

I dont know how I feel.

how i should feel.

Answer 1

You should feel good about being smart enough to ask this question.

People are sometimes too set in their ways, What I mean is that sometimes you have to find a way to tell the ones that you love and have worked hard to impress that they haven't noticed your change.And you should be pissed.  I encountered this at leastst 3 times.

My sister got mad at me while I was still trying hard to help he with a problem that  she out grew. She was more mad at the fact that I didn't notice that she solved it on her own. And I had problem with drinking too much. Aa freind slasheded me about it and I worked very hard to change it but no onene notied and treated me like I was always too drink even when I wasn't. I had to eventually give up waiting for them to notive. I had to tell them  it in thier face and and express my anger to them for not noticing that their point got through to me and I'v worked hard to change it. Once I told them who how it was to force me to change and I did it for them AND the S****y fact that they didn't even notice it when I did. They felt bad about the whole thing and reolized that I had changed the y then felt very a)guilty and b) very, very proud.  

PS Don't be too mad at your dad, most people are stuck on stupid and just need a little jolt of reality. This truely is your first real adult conflict and good on you for being so observant. Learn from your renforcements to help yourself and the ones you love move forward. PS (The education system was different in thier day) You might now be becoming the next gerneration??????

Answer 2

well, if you put forth your best effort and studied hard and did the work to get the 75%, then you should be proud of yourself, and to h**l with what your dad's expectations are of you.  BUT if you didn't do everything you were supposed to do, and you didn't study, and basically slacked off (or even slightly slacked off), then you aren't doing your best and should take what your dad is dishing out in disappointment.  he only wants what is best for you, but if you are doing your best, then keep it up.  if you are not, try harder.  you will feel good as long as you do your best.  

Answer 3

You can only feel what you feel--maybe your are disappointed that your dad did not see how hard you worked?  Your teacher is on the right track--positive reinforcement is better than negative comments, especially as you are trying really hard in the subject.  If your dad wants you to do well he should encourage you and not make you feel bad.  It sounds as if your dad has his own personal issues and was never told that he was good enough so he is passing that sort of comment on to you.  You have to rise above it, succeed at school so that you can be your own person.  Do it for you and no one else because that is your ticket to leaving home and having a good and rewarding life.  Or print out the quote below and stick it on your wall.

If you want to give your dad something to think about:

Using Positive Reinforcement

by Brenda L. Gargus

"If a child lives with approval, he learns to live with himself."

Dorothy Law Nolte

After a long day at the office, with more work facing you at home, the last thing you might feel like doing is being positive. But it is crucial that, even during conversations aimed at correcting behaviour, you keep your tone positive.

What is positive communication?

Positive communication is a tool to reinforce good behavior and eliminate bad behavior; it builds self-esteem and inspires confidence in children. And it's easy — once you get the hang of it! Children's feelings of esteem are very highly influenced by their interaction and relationship with their parents. All children need to feel loved and accepted, and you can communicate those feelings to your children by the way you speak.

Once you develop the habit of consistent positive reinforcement at home, you'll see that communicating is easier, and you will also be helping your son or daughter learn to communicate with the outside world. By the time they are in elementary school, kids need the self-esteem boost gained when positive reinforcement is in practice.

Rules of the road

    * Face your child and maintain eye contact.

    * Always allow your child to finish talking and complete his statements.

    * "Labelling is disabling" — label the bbehaviorinstead of the child. Incorrect: "Billy, you are a bad boy." Correct: "Billy, it is irresponsible to leave your toys all over the place."

    * Help your child learn to talk positively.

    * Try to start your statements with a rreinforce such as, "Sara, you are a very bright girl; now, let's talk about the best way to get your homework finished." People are more responsive to positive statements, but make sure your compliments are truthful. Children, as well as adults, will see through false flattery.