Experiences being a foster/adopted child?

Question

I am doing some research on the fostercare and adoption system in the USA. I would like to hear some stories that you have had while being in the foster care system or with being adopted.

I'm also interested in hearing some experiences from the parents of the fostered/adopted...

Answer 1

hey im not adopted but i live with my aunt and uncle does that count lemme know i would be happy to help!

Answer 2

well lets see i had to leave my mum after she tried choking me wen i was 3 and a half i had to live with my aunt and uncle which wen i was little had no clue who they were no one told me anything felt extremely left out and pressured cause picked on i reallie thought the social workers were reallie annoying i tried to be as good as possible but was quite and shy never even talked to family but always smiling and loved school hmm i was extremely obedient and loved my teachers and listened to everyone until one day my mum commited suicide near christmas 12 and i felt like it was a dream. i did visit her alot wen i was little but after ahile she didn't want to see me anymore... my family gave me a hard time and i couldn't handle it anymore and i had to talk to annoying couselors cause of my mom. they use to say i was the quite and obideitn one even though i wasn't very smart as my cousins so i didn't want to go home and did lots of school activities like track and cross country which i dont like running well things just got worse and worse i tried to handle all of it and i had my best friend. once entering high school i got yelled at more saying i did drugs and hung out with bad ppl but i wasn't i was with the teachers and coaches homecoming, fantastic, track doing all the things my cuz did but she said it was all lies and wen to talk to the school and they said i was there helping them with community service thats the front office ...one time i was so tired after all my events i stayed up working on my essay and got in trouble for staying up so she smashed a plate on my head and it shattererd =-= i was so upset cause my printer wasn't working cause there was a shard in it didn't no at the time though well things got a bit better i ended up my first bf at 15 he made me laugh and was different from anyone i ever met^^ i was never bored and wanted to always talk to him and be around him >< though i got into more trouble and it kinda was his fault but not reallie he didn't do anything he was just 18 and mexican >< and me being viet/chinese doesn't sound good well thats alot of information sorrie i ended up writing alot u can just ignore this then well i'm going to be 18 soon and my bf 21 i can finally get out of this house i already graduated from high school and wanted to move to another state but not allowed to cause i'm a few months away from being 18 ^^ well i know i will make it in life cause i do talk to couselors i like and the ppl at school i never resulted to drugs, alcohol, ect and never thought of it cause those things reallie scare me and alcohol the smell makes me sick one time i ate it from a flan cake they gave me and i barfed anyways ^^ i'm so childish i refuse to watch scary movies of any kind ^^ my experience wasn't all that bad i have always loved kids though i want like 10 or more from my experience making a happy loving home =-= though i might be a bit poor from all of them labor sounds scary adopt some ^^ i want my kids to get the love that i wanted more of ^^ to bake, cook, knit, crochet, chat, things like that ^^ life is great  though i do wish i was smarter >< i'm off topic alot oh well life is the song love is the music ^^ i'm reallie glad my best friend and my boyfriend is here to support me ^^ family said he was just playing around but thats not true i'm always with him his not what he appears to be and he doesn't do drugs and stuff like that =-= though likes scary movies and finds them funny he looks mean but he acts like a kid i thought he looked mad in the beginning appearances can sure be deceiving ^^hmm u know i was never teased for being a foster ....actually ppl just felt sorrie for me...i didn't have it all that bad i just kept hoping 18 will come soon since elementary ^^ well its closer than ever and i have always been quite responsible according to ppl at school where i donate lots of my time

Answer 3

I am 19 and I was adopted when I was 14. I know my biological mother and my entire biological family. I lived with my bio mother and my 2 older bio brothers on and off untill i was 12. My bio father was killed when i was 3. I dont remember him at all. Actually i dont remeber much before the age of 10. Ive been told that I block it out. Anyway back to adoption. My brothers and i were put in foster care in april of '01 because our mother disappeared as she would do often. The Department of Social Services had been involved with all of us since my fater was killed and this was the last straw after my grandfather couldnt take us again. We had already tried that three times. So our social worker came told us to pack in 30 minutes and we were going to our first home in foster care. My brother (14 months older than me) and I ran to a friends house. We didnt want to go. Eventually we learned we had to by my other brother. (5 years older than me.) Throughout the next 2 years I went through 7 homes and was split from my 2 brothers. I also had visitations with my mother who kept convincing me she was getting help and that my foster parents were terrible. They were all liars. She was getting better and we would be back with her soon. As if 9 years hadnt already been enough time to get her *** back on track.

The 7th home was a family. Wife, husband, 17 year old daughter and 6 year old son. I met them as an adoptive family rather than foster family. My social worker found them through a private agency and they were looking for a teenage girl to adopt since their success story with their 17 year old. I met them. We didnt hit it off (at least not at my end.) But i hate disappointing people and to be totally honest i loved their house and thought the fact that they had money was cool. (What can i say i was 14, and a huge brat.) They liked me (at least most of them) even though during the second visit g*y (the mother) made me cry. So i decided to give it a chance.

My social worker said i had to make a quick choice.

We were to have a 6 month trial period to adjust and then if both me and the family agreed i would be adopted.

Things were and still are rocky. Ive been kicked out, and eventually i moved halfway across the states just to get away from them but its after that, in the recent months that ive looked back on the past 4 and a half years and realized trully how much i love and need my family.

They helped me graduate from high school in the top half of my class at one of the best public schoools in Maryland. They loved watching my sucesses and helped me through my rough patches. Rather than judge me because of where and who i came from my family helped me understand my past and keep in contact with the good influences. I dont know what I would have done without them and i cant wait till december when i can move back with them. One of the most amazing things they ever said to me was the first time that we met that even though i was older when i would be adopted they didnt want me to think that this was just a place to crash till i was 18. That i would be their family for the long haul.

My adoption was up and down but i think that it helped me grow as a person and i am grateful everyday that i think of my family. Foster care however was much more difficult.

Answer 4

My younger sister was in a foster home actually. She inspired the family to adopt many children because they loved her so much and when she had to go it hurt them very much.

The sad thing to this story was that the man and the woman were wonderful people, so everyone thought. But aft eryear had gone buy, one of the children needed therapy for drug use. Then it came out that the father was molesting about all of the children. He admitted to it later and attempted to run from the police because the family had this children from 4 years and down until today. It was very sad.  

Answer 5

I grew up in the foster care system.  I went in at age 7 and aged out at 18.  It was not easy.

Before I give you some personal experiences, I recommend that you research the outcomes for children who were raised in the foster care system.  Read this or at least the summary:

http://www.casey.org/NR/rdonlyres/4E1E7C...

Less than 2-3 percent graduate from college, most experience homelessness when they age-out, they are poor and the prison system is filled with ex-foster kids.  33% do not have health insurance.

Foster kids have 2-4 times greater rates of PTSD than combat veterans.  That is HUGE.  They face depression, anxiety and suicide at much higher rates than their peers.

The system is failing the children.

As for me......some homes were ok, some were nightmares.  I had over 12 moves and lived in both families and group homes.

I had one family that locked the refrigerator and would not let me eat, other than main meals. Because I hid food in my closet and under my bed mattress when I first got there, they locked the frig as a punishment. Mind you I came from my original home where there was no food and I was a skinny kid. I tried to sneak some food and would get whipped.

I had one family that would make me sleep on the porch whenever I misbehaved. Sometimes it was freezing out.

One foster dad would hit me with his shoe. If you don't think that hurts, try it.

I used to wet my bed. Everytime I did it, I was locked in the bathroom. Sometimes for hours, sometimes for the whole day.

When I was 18, the system kicked me out with $63 and no place to live, no idea where to go, nothing.  I wound up living with my boss on her couch until I could save enough money to get a dumpy apartment that was not even safe for a criminal.

I think anyone that has been in long-term foster placement has some bad experiences. Plus, the more foster homes you are in, the more likely you are to get some bad ones.

The system is messed up. We spend more money per day on animals in shelters than we do on foster children.

For real research, read that report.  It documents in a scientific study how things are for ex-foster kids when they are kicked out of the system that did not care.

Answer 6

i was adopted the day i was born[december 14, 1992] and ive known for as long as i can remember. lately, ive been feeling as though a part of me is missing, and i think that my biological mother could fill that missing part. only thing is, my records are sealed, and my adoptive parents say no way to me knowing her, or even contacting her. i understand, she gave me up, and maybe she was on drugs or something, but for kids that are adopted, things are so much harder. i've been teased my whole life with people saying ''haha, your mom didnt want you." or that i was just a piece of trash to her. people that arent adopted will never understand what it is like, they have known their biological parents their whole lives. there isnt someone out there waiting for them//wondering about them. they arent stuck wondering what their life would have been like if they were still with their biological parents. because they are with them.

Answer 7

Hmm... Well I'm 13 and my parents used to be foster parents. Not to me, but to other kids, because they adopted me when I was 8 weeks old. We got 3 kids in total, and the first two came on both of each of their birthdays. XD I don't know what kind of "experiences" You're talking about, but the longest we had one was about 6 weeks beginning right after Christmas. She was so sweet sometimes, but just the average bouncy toddler!! She was picky with food, especially because she picked the meat right out of the sandwiches we fed here, and if I had something, she NEEDED it. We taught her some new words, and made a great routine for going to bed quietly. She loved being with me, and I started to get attached to her. =(  It was really sad because she bit, yes bit my mother and we had to pass her along to another foster family. =(  

After being away from her for a while, we decided to meet up again with her and her new family but soon realized that she had forgotten the words we had taught her. It was disappointing because it seemed like she had changed big time since we had her. She didn't recognize us at all, and seemed more hyper. So sorry if I wrote too much, but that's my story. Bye! =)

Answer 8

Being a foster parents is not far from being a responsible father or mother

to their child though it is also very rewarding, you will be happy upon  taking this task and upon seeing your child grow you have full of surprices

you will see yourself as if you were in your younger days and moments

that money can not buy.. just let your little ones call you papa or mama

then binding and family will bloom...it is a sure promise of priceless memories at the end of days and comport of a cold heart  

Answer 9

I'm adopted and have been since i was 5. I'm 15 now and have been told everything. i was adopted because my mother was only 15 herself when she had me with my father. i do not have a clue about what my father is like and i dint really think my mum knows as apparently he said he wanted nothing to do with me. when i was born my mother had to stay in the hospital with me until they could get me some foster parents. but, she decided she didn't want to be in hospital. so she ran away with me and went to a scratty hotel under a false name. we stayed there for 4 months and she had got herself a new boyfriend! 2 weeks in to her relationship, she had to go out, and left me with her boyfriend. he couldn't cope with me crying and, in a rage picked me up above his head and dropped me. on purpose. i was sent back to the hospital and was put into care immediately. i went through 13 different foster parents/homes and then, at 4 years 11 months old, i was adopted :)

i am sooo thankful to my 'parents' for bringing me up the way i was after i was adopted.

x

Answer 10

My parents were foster parents. Well I was taken away from my family when I was 7 or 8. My crazy mom tried to kidnap me. She ended up turning herself in and I went to this place called Orange Wood. A lot of kids in California go there when their parents arent capable of taking care of them. I was sent to live with a family and they ended up adopting me and my sister a couple of years later. Now I dont speak to them at all. My dad (adoptive) ended up beating me when I was 16 or 17 because I took the car. Which is a typical teenager mistake. I reported him and an investigator came. My mom (adoptive) told the only person who saw it, my sister, to lie and say she didnt. So they ended up not believing me. A couple months later after I graduated I moved out and havent talked to them since.

Now I would love to be a foster parent and do everything that they didnt do. I love kids and cant wait to have my own.

Answer 11

my husband was adopted when he was a newborn baby. his bio mother was 17 and the father took off when he heard she was pregnant. his adoptive parents were going through a lawyer and were supposed to get a baby girl in august but that mother changed her mind. they had given up hope on actually getting a baby, tell one day in oct. their lawyer called them an told them to get down to the hospital their son was born today. so they rushed down and picked him up. his b-mother wrote him a beautiful letter explaining why she gave him up and put in a picture of herself.

he had a great family, but went to a catholic private school where he was made fun of for being adopted. anyway fast forward several years and to three months ago, he decided that he wanted to talk to his birth mom. we had her name age and birth date. i went on several websites and was able to find her address and phone number everything. we sent her a letter on a Friday and got an email from her on the fallowing Tuesday. He ended up getting along with her great and they have a great relationship.

Answer 12

I was adopted at age 3 or 4 was 1952. I was taken to my great uncle and aunts. it was lucky for me cause my mom had left my dad for another man right after i was born and i was with my adopted parents from 6 mos till 18. they didn't get the adoption through till I was as 3 or 4. we celebrated my adopting 1o april till i grew up and moved away. i had a goo d child hood. my sisters didn't they were raised by my grandma and dad and step mom the parents were meant ot hem and they were mistreated.