Explaining adoption and reuniting in the UK - confused?!?

Question

Basically, i was adopted when i was (I think) a few months old. my adopted parents told me when i was a child, but have since thought i have 'forgotten'. Thing is, i turn 18 in just over 1 week, and have always wanted to find my birth parents. my adopted parents will always be my parents, as they are the poeple who have brought me up, but i just feel like a part of me is missing, like i dont know who i really am.

Thing is idk the first step to doing this? do i just find the local adoption centre andkinda go and ask them?

Do i need anything, i.e. birth/adoption certificate?

will i have access to all records, original birth certificate etc openly given to me?

i know it may be for the best, but will i have to involve my adopted parents in this? i really dont want to hurt them.

i really do know hardly anything about this, so any other info anyone may have would be really appreciated, and Many Thanks

X

(and apologies for the length)!

Answer 1

I understand how you feel.  I have been through this process in the UK and, luckily due to the open laws there, it is relatively easy, especially if you were born after 1975 which you must be if you are turning 18.

You need to contact the General Register Office, by post, phone or at www.gro.gov.uk.  If you are on the website click on Adoption, and you will get all the information you need there.  Basically you give them your information and then you can choose whether to have your Birth Records sent to you direct or at an interview with a counsellor in your local area.  You will be given your name and the names of your natural parents and your district of birth so you can apply for your birth certificate, you will also get details of the adoption agency if one was used.

I got my info during the interview with the counsellor, which was mandatory as I was born before 1975, but which I would recommend (it is free) as it can be a lot to take in and maybe upsetting.  I was given my whole file which contained loads of info such as my natural parents addresses at the time of the adoption which made my search for them so easy.

They can also then help you with applying for your birth certificate and placing yourself on the Adoption Contact Register, where you may find your natural parents are already listed and waiting if you are lucky.

Since 2005 you can also use an intermediary such as NORCAP to help you search and facilitate contact with your birth parents, which you may find useful.

Your adoptive parents need have as little or as much to do with the process as you wish.  Emotions can get complicated when it comes down to this and only you know what will be best for you.  I would say that this is your search and opportunity to have a piece of control about your adoption so don't feel duty bound to do anything you don't want to.  Having said that though, it may be a good opportunity to start being open, and if your natural parents become part of your life you may not want to have to be deceitful with your adoptive family who may wish you had told them.  That is only for you to work out.

Good luck and all the best.  I hope this helps and wish you well.  And as Possum said, try the adult adoptees forum website, there are good and helpful people there.

Answer 2

I honestly don't know how to do reunions in the UK because my bio mum contacted me, but I'm in counselling with After Adoption, http://www.afteradoption.org.uk/

They've been great for me post-reunion and reunions or even considering one can spark a lot of issues, so I thought I'd suggest contacting them. They're free and (I believe) anonymous. You can just call them or you can set up an appointment with a counsellor. The counsellors can also travel to you, so you don't have to, which is great.

I don't think you have to involve your adoptive parents in your search. Yay for open records! But I'd advise it simply because secrets have a habit of messing families up. Maybe speak to After Adoption about how to approach it.

Best of luck with it all. Feel free to PM me if you want. I don't know what I can do to help, but I'm happy to talk if you want.

Answer 3

All the info you need is here.  Luckily, unlike most States in the USA, you and your first family are entitled to access to  your own records

http://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/adopti...

Do contact Norcap though, they will help you through the emotional rollercoaster.

All the best

Answer 4

You can do this all by yourself - and if you don't want to tell anyone - that's fine.

It's about you - you shouldn't have to explain anything to anyone - you're an adoptee - you have another family out there - your have every right to go and find out who they are.

Like Australia - you're lucky - records are open in the UK.

(sadly in the USA - in 44 states - they're sealed documents - for life - eeeek!)

Now - I'm sure our resident UK searching wiz-kids will be along in no time - but until then - here are two links to start looking through - regarding searching in the UK -

http://www.norcap.org.uk/home.asp

http://www.uktrackers.co.uk/index.htm

Basically - and I'm not sure where - but you can apply for your original birth certificate and adoption papers through a government department and although it may take a little time and there may be some counselling involved - you should be able to find out things without too much trouble.

Also - if you need ANY support at all - a GREAT online support forum is at -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

For adoptees - by adoptees!!!

I wish you all the very best with your search.

It can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions - but it's very empowering to find out your truth.

Answer 5

Can I just ask.......is your birth name anna? Just wondering.

Anyway. I contacted the adoption center that delt with my adoption. I was lucky enough that the social worker who delt with my adoption, was still working there. You WILL have all of your files given to you if you are 18 years old. They have to give you everything they have on your adoption. That is the best place to start. You can use the adoption agency for help.

I think that involving your parents is the best thing. They were honest with you about being adopted, so be honest with them. It is YOUR choice to search, but I think its nice to let them know too. Let them be involved. It wont hurt them. Afterall, they probably knew that the day would come when you would want to know about your roots.

Get in touch if you need any help at all.

xx